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I have suffered deeply since I was born. I was sexually abused and neglected by my mum and dad. Later I got married and was raped by my husband and his friends, which resulted in me having a termination. I am 21 years of age and now left with anger in all aspects of my life. I can no longer cope with life. I have been suffering from depression for three years. My life seems to have nothing good about it. Please help me.
Certainly, you are living with great emotional trauma after being raped and having an abortion. I am very saddened to read about your circumstances and the great injustice and violation you have endured.
First you need to protect yourself from further harm and bring charges against the perpetrators. I encourage you to report the rapes to the police even if some time has passed since the incident. I also implore you to go to a domestic violence agency for support and counseling in your area. Here is a list of international agencies and hotlines: Domestic Violence .
You need to find support and counseling to work through the grief and loss you have suffered from the sexual abuse and abortion.
What happens when someone is raped? The person reacts with a grief and trauma response which can include post-traumatic stress symptoms.... nightmares, anxiety, sleeplessness, etc. With this reaction comes fear, flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbing, avoidance of any reminders of the traumatic event, depression, withdrawal and isolation, sadness and anger.
You need to express and explore these emotions and reaction you are experiencing. Counseling and support groups can help you work through this. Call a pregnancy center to find a support group they may have for working through the abortion: http://www.pregnancycenters.org. They may also provide counseling for rape situations. You need to contact an agency (domestic violence) so they can be an advocate for you in this situation.
How can you process the anger which has consumed your life? You need to realize that anger is normal in this situation and that anger needs to be expressed in a healthy way. This is a terribly unjust crime you have suffered and you have a right to be angry.
You can't walk away from something like this and not take action to protect yourself and others from further harm. Thus, the perpetrators must be held accountable to the law for their actions.
This will take assertiveness. You need support and encouragement to become assertiveness, to bring your case to justice, to protect yourself in the future. Read about assertiveness and anger here:
http://www.christianwomentoday.com/workplace/assert.html
http://www.christianwomentoday.com/womenmen/anger.html
Once you begin to process what has happened, to explore the damage, get affirmation, validation and support, you will realize that you are not alone. You will realize that you can go on with your life. You are not "damaged goods."
What has happened to you does not change who you are. You are loved by God and He wants a relationship with you. Consider how He can help you discover supernatural strength, courage and wisdom to proceed through life: http://www.hoyweb.com/faith.htm.
You may also need to talk with your physician about getting an antidepressant to alleviate the hopelessness you are feeling now.
Reading, getting counseling, support and protection will help you move forward towards healing and recovery. I pray that you will become stronger in spite of the brokenness you have suffered. God bless you!
~ Lynette J. Hoy , NCC, LCPC, is a Marriage and Family Counselor and National Certified Counselor, author and speaker. She is the Executive Chair of the Chicagoland CBWC: Connecting Business Women to Christ organization. Lynette is co-founder of CounselCare Connection, P.C. providing online & office counseling for individuals, couples and families. Lynette regularly presents marriage, assertiveness, grief and divorce recovery, anger and stress management seminars. You can read her story online.
©2004 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Read Lynette Hoy’s book, What’s Good About Anger? It can be ordered online at: www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com or Amazon.com.
Visit Mrs. Hoy’s other sites: www.hoyweb.com ; www.counselcareconnection.org ; www.lifecareweb.com.
Related Reading:
Putting Your Past Behind You: Finding Hope for Life's Deepest Hurts
The Freedom From Depression Workbook
Anchor for the Soul: Help for the Present, Hope for the Future
