Email 
Bookmark 
Print Choosing Life-The Road to Adoption
Subject: Choosing Life, the Road to Adoption
Date: May 13, 2002
What comes to your mind when you hear the work, "adopted"? Have you been adopted, or do you know someone who is? Tonight we will interact with a special guest concerning this topic. Julie was adopted and as an adult she sought out her birth mother. Read her story online HERE about "Choosing Life: The Road to Adoption."
The following transcript includes Julie as a guest in our chat room. Her nickname is "LoneStarLady".
- What were your initial thoughts when you discovered that you were adopted?
- Your teens years were filled with struggles of overachieving, how did that relate to your dealing with being adopted?
- Later after you were married, you searched for your birth mother, what were your feelings while continuing your search?
- Can you describe your relationship with your mothers today for us?
- If you could share words of wisdom to a pregnant teen mom, what would they be?
- What are your thoughts of hope for those women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy?
- To those women who are adopted and struggling with feeling rejected, how would you respond to them?
- Life is not an accident, can you tell us why you feel that way?
cwt CHOOSING LIFE: THE ROAD TO ADOPTION
Rosie61- Good topic, cwt
co-host- Hi tj
cwt -Before we go any further, let's open in prayer
Lascinia- adopt from the third world
LoneStarLady- good idea
cwt- Father, thank you so much for each woman who has joined us this evening. We ask that You would be here in our midst, and that You would guide our discussion.... thank you for Lonestar Lady and her story....
Rosie61- May our spirits be open to what you have for us tonight
co-hos-t Dear lord we ask that you quide our conversation tonight re adoption
LoneStarLady- give us ears to hear you encourage our hearts
cwt -may she be an encouragement to all of us tonight.
co-host -Yes Lord be with Lonestar
(all amen)
co-host- Sure great to have so many people tonight
cwt- Well gals, tonight we have a special guest with us....Lonestarlady....you are going to share your story with us tonight....
cwt- what were your intial thoughts when you discovered that you were adopted?
LoneStarLady- I felt like I was hatched, that I didn't have a real background. I was angry that others had a "real" family. I also felt like a charity case. . . . - that I was abandoned and unwanted which meant I was unloved and unloveable
LoneStarLady -I always new I was adopted . It was never a shock. My parents are the greatest parents ever and really made me feel special, they always said I was "selected" not expected
cwt- So you didn't feel that way because they weren't good parents?
LoneStarLady- No way, it was natural for me to feel that way
Most adoptees feel that way
cwt- That is important to know isn't it?
LoneStarLady- My parents are terrific
LoneStarLady- Yes, adoption is a complicated issue. A person needs to really be able to sort through all of the emotions tied in
cwt- lonestarlady is just sharing how she felt after she was told that she was adopted
LoneStarLady- like I said, being adopted is difficult in some ways. I I feel so fortunate, but it still is hard to sort it all out
cwt- Your teen years were filled with struggles of overachieving, how did that related to your dealing with being adopted?
LoneStarLady- I felt like I had to be the best at everything. I thought I had to prove my self worth. I felt like I had to work harder than anyone in order to show how glad I was that I was allowed to live
April- was that a good thing or bad thing lol
LoneStarLady- I thought giving my best meant BEING the best
LoneStarLady- You see, I felt such gratitude for my life. I could easily have been snuffed out. . . .
LoneStarLady- but I wasn't. I am deeply grateful
LoneStarLady- and I thought the rest of my life I had to earn my keep and stay in my parents' good graces
Judy- that's wonderful you are grateful--too often people arent'
LoneStarLady- so they would be pleased with the child they got
April- Can I ask you a question?
LoneStarLady- yes, anything
Judy- yes
April- what age did you know you where adopted?
LoneStarLady- I don't remember when. I always knew. It was something that was never hidden from me
April- That was good ?!?!
LoneStarLady- YES!
LoneStarLady- I felt like it was very good
April- amen
Judy- i would agree
LoneStarLady- my parents made it so positive -- they had longed for a child for so long
cwt that is so good to hear...
LoneStarLady- they saw me as a gift
cwt- I had cousins who were adopted and everyone kept it a big secret..
betty- your adopted
Judy- are you familiar with RAD?
LoneStarLady- and I saw them as a huge gift to me
Judy- Reactive Attachment Disorder
LoneStarLady- sort of
Judy- so often adopted children struggle with the loss and haave a hard time
Judy- attaching and trusting
LoneStarLady- I understand, ,
Judy- but you didn't?
LoneStarLady- It all needs to be worked through and it is hard to do
Judy- sure
LoneStarLady- some adoptees struggle a lifetime, some overachieve
Judy- true
LoneStarLady- like me
Judy- :-)
LoneStarLady- others never achieve
cwt- Some of you gals have adopted children....right?
LoneStarLady- because they feel like they were throw aways
Judy- yes
LoneStarLady- BRAVO
betty- lonestarlady I came in just your adopted or did you adopt a child fill me in
Judy- but of course that isn't true--just so hard for some to believe
LoneStarLady- I am adopted
wog- lonestar, what advise could you give families with adopted children...to make the transaction smoother, as i have 3 young adopted neices and nephews
LoneStarLady- don't hide it
ashokan- If they have positive adoptive parents like yours it really helps with those feelings
betty- so was I at age of 6
LoneStarLady- you must know your children
LoneStarLady- but I would make it very positive
co-host- Lone Star we adopted a girl 30 years ago After we became Christians we Found out the biblical meaning for the name we chose meant "God,s Gracious Gift"
LoneStarLady- YES!
Judy- cool
LoneStarLady- I would also say you could tell a story to the children
LoneStarLady -I heard once where a mother was bathing her daughter and told her a story, about how there was a precious little girl that needed a home and two people that wanted a baby for their own.
LoneStarLady -God designed it to where they would meet
and the little girl/boy could have a loving family. the REAL little adopted girl knew in a flash what was being talked about
and felt positive about it.
LoneStarLady- the other thing I would say is to always be available to talk about it
wog- thats cool...and i am sure that its not a secret in my family
LoneStarLady- let them ask anything. let them know they are safe
cwt- It sure helps to have you share those things with us....
LoneStarLady- that they can ask anything and not be chided for it
Judy- have you read 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
LoneStarLady- because as the child that is adopted. . . .lots of things are scary you feel so many emotions
co-host- Sounds like a great book Judy
Judy- i've found it helpful
LoneStarLady- and you don't want to disappoint anyone
cwt- Judy, are you adopted?
LoneStarLady- but the child must be allowed to talk about it
Judy- no, we adopted an older child
Judy- yes
co-host- I foundmy daughter didn't want to talk about it alot
cwt- that brings with it it's own challenges...
April- were you ever angry?
LoneStarLady- and that is okay too co-host, I went through many stages. sometimes I wanted to talk, sometimes not. you have to go with the child
LoneStarLady- Yes, I was angry
co-host- True
LoneStarLady- VERY angry. I felt like mad at "HER" because she "gave me away."
LoneStarLady- what kind of person would have a baby and then give it away? but that is not what she did. she loved me more than herself. she made a very tough choice
co-host- When did you have the desire to meet your birth Mom LoneStar?
Judy- of course it is so hard to understand that it is often the loving thing
LoneStarLady- she put me above anything
sunshine- did you find it harder to deal with that anger...because of not knowing her?
cwt- Yes tell us about that
LoneStarLady- I found it hard to deal with the anger for awhile but it was cyclical
LoneStarLady- what did you want me to discuss further, cwt?
that she put me first?
LoneStarLady- can you imagine what it was like to be a pregnant teen back in the 60's? there was such shame attached
Judy- i have such a greater understanding of what God does in adopting us--has that been true for you
LoneStarLady- but my birth mother chose to walk that road to give me life
cwt- Good point Judy...
LoneStarLady- then she also got her life back until she could raise a child later in life
LoneStarLady- Yes, if you have Jesus in your life, the Bible is clear that we are ALL adopted! what a marvelous gift
LoneStarLady- I feel doubly blessed!
cwt- You searched for your birth mother after you were married right?
LoneStarLady- Yes
cwt- What were your feelings while continuing your search?
LoneStarLady- It took me years to decide to find her
Judy- He tells us we were aliens and foreginers and He made us part of His family. awesome
LoneStarLady- Yes, Judy. . .
LoneStarLady- I felt a lot of varying emotions while looking for her. I had to be prepared to find anything. I fantasied my whole life of what she would be like. . .
LoneStarLady- But I had to come to terms with finding something other than "perfect"
LoneStarLady- Once I contacted the agency I was adopted from the search was on. It took no time at all and we were connected by phone one night. that started a whole new gamet of emotions
Judy- were you scared
April- what was your mother reaction?
LoneStarLady- ABSOLUTELY terrified
betty- I quess so
co-host- How did your adopted Mom feel about it Being as I am one.
LoneStarLady- She was supportive, but nervous. she wanted to protect me
Judy- and herself?
LoneStarLady- she was scared on my behalf of what I would find and the effect on me
April- I hear you!
co-host- I understand
LoneStarLady- I had asked my parents their opinion before I began the search. I didn't want to jeopardize my relationship with them
cwt- that's important isn't it?
LoneStarLady- they are, after all, my parents---my birth mother is NOT
LoneStarLady- she is a special woman to me, but not my Mamma
cwt- Can you describe your relationship with your mothers today for us?
LoneStarLady- My parents were very helpful
LoneStarLady- yes
LoneStarLady- My relationship with Mom is the same as always-great
cwt- She must be a very special woman too...
LoneStarLady- the relationship I share with my birth mother is good too
cwt- not to feel threatened
LoneStarLady- we are in regular contact
Judy- right cwt
LoneStarLady- in fact, my birth mother was just here last weekend for a couple of days
LoneStarLady- wild, huh?
co-host- THat is so wonderful LoneStar
cwt- Your story is truly one of hope!
LoneStarLady- yes, God has given me a huge gift in her and in my parents
April- that must be such an awesomeness
Rosie61- What was your birth mothers reaction when she first heard your voice
betty- Can I ask ? do you have brothers and sisters by birth
LoneStarLady- I realize that my story is not the typical situation though
LoneStarLady- My birth mother was thrilled! I was fascinated by her voice
Rosie61- Thats wonderful
Judy- awesome!
LoneStarLady- in fact I thought about how she would sound many many times.
LoneStarLady -We had a social worker that acted as our "Go between" before we connected by phone
April- I wonder what she felt like all those years? (birth-mother)
LoneStarLady- it wasn't like I found her in the phone book and just called out of the blue
LoneStarLady- She told me how she felt all those years. . . she wondered and thought of me often ...birthdays, holidays -- you know. . . .
cwt- I actually have friends whose son was also adopted and who found his birth mother......it was positive, but not all situations are
Judy- i bet you are causing a few tears in here
LoneStarLady- and I wondered about her too..........
co-host- Not every story turns out so positive and it is great to hear that yours did
April- ya I do!
cwt- His birth mom said the same thing....
Faith- So true, cwt and co-host.
cwt- you gave up your son didn't you April...
cwt- and you have mentioned before how much you think of him...
Apri-l Yes 27 years ago
LoneStarLady- you are a wonderful woman April
cwt- Father, I just pray for April today....
LoneStarLady- do you know how special you are?
cwt- heal the tears that I know she is shedding tonight...
April- ouch!
LoneStarLady- Thank you Lord that April made a choice to create a family
LoneStarLady- by placing her son in loving arms
cwt- thank you for the blessing that she is to us here in chat, and to the other women she ministers too.
Rosie61- My daughter gave up her babygirl 15 yrs ago too. God gave me the priviledge of holding her in the hospital for a few minutes.
Judy- and show such sacrificial love
LoneStarLady- Yes, Lord
cwt- amen
LoneStarLady- amen
cwt- I didn't know that Rosie...
April- thanks
LoneStarLady- April, you are blessed. . .
betty- LoneStarLady did you have any brothers or sisters who were adopted too
cwt- that must have been hard to let her go....
co-host- I thank you for the gift that she gave some one else Lord give her Joy when she thinks about it
LoneStarLady- you have been such a blessing to him
LoneStarLady- I have an older brother also adopted
Rosie61- Yes, Not a day goes by that I don't pray for her
cwt- What a godly heritage for a child that doesn't even know you Rosie!
betty- Do you know him
Judy- really special rosie
LoneStarLady- oh, let me be clear. . ..
LoneStarLady- I was raised with my brother ( also adopted)
LoneStarLady- I have a sister by my birth mother. I have not met her but she knows about me and we have communicated by computer.....
Rosie61- Thank you. My daughter chose a couple who couldn't have cildren and who were on a waiting list for 7 yrs. They are in the ministry, thats why she chose them
LoneStarLady- how terrific, rosie
cwt- That is so neat Rosie...
cwt- was she a christian at the time?
Rosie61- yes, just a baby christian, only saved or about 1 yr
betty- That a blessing I to this day am still looking for one of my brothers I found 4 and is dead and one I still looking
LoneStarLady- betty, are you adopted
cwt- So that has been a long search for you then?
betty- yes I was 6
LoneStarLady- ah. . .
Judy- was that a difficult adjustment?
betty- over 30 years
Judy- what happened to split up your family
Rosie61- I pray everyday that our little "granddaughter" wouldn't be angry toward my daughter for giving her up, but I know I have no control over that
LoneStarLady- rosie, she will be angry for a time most likely
but it is a process. . .
.
betty- My mother just did not want us so social service step in I live in a orphange till I was 6 and adopted
LoneStarLady- you can pray that she quickly move out of anger into realizing why she was placed
co-host- Rosie it is so important that you pray for her Bless you
cwt- It is good to know how to pray
Judy- incredible, betty
LoneStarLady- these birth mothers are so important
Judy- do you know how much God does want you?
LoneStarLady- My birth mother is my heroine
Rosie61- yes, I understand that. I know she has wonderful Christian parents who love her so much and are so greatful to my daughter for choosing life
LoneStarLady- everything I've ever done has been because of her choice
cwt- If you could share words of wisdom to a pregnant teen mom, what would they be?
LoneStarLady- the same is true for your granddaughter. . . .
that she has the potential to create a family in a way that only SHE can - that she is vitally important
cwt- What a good way of looking at it...
LoneStarLady- that her choices will effect her child's life
and her's forever -- FOREVER !
LoneStarLady- that is not to be taken lightly
LoneStarLady- and also that there are many organizations out there today that are equipped to help young women make their choices. I would caution them to not make a "knee jerk" decision
co-host- Great advice I wish more teens could hear those words of wisdom
LoneStarLady- talk to those that are equipped to hlpe them
cwt- I like what Judy said earlier, that the same way that you were adopted into a loving family, God has adopted us into His family....
LoneStarLady- abortion is NOT the answer
cwt- and He is the giver of life
April- I know my son would have been dead because of me had i try to raise him
cwt- ALL life!
LoneStarLady- and He has a plan for each life
cwt- But even so it is not easy to remember him tho ....
cwt- yes, so true...
Judy- yes, those children are not accidents to God
cwt- God does have a plan for each of us....
cwt- and that is so encouraging for all of us...
LoneStarLady- but God's strength is the strength to get them through
April- The Lord has given me the chance to help my daughter would had a baby at 16
LoneStarLady- Listen to what Jeremiah 1:5 says "before I formed you in the womb I KNEW you "
cwt- so true!
LoneStarLady- "and before you were born I consecrated you"
LoneStarLady- a young teen may have made a poor choice
Apri-l LSL ! you are a blessing!
LoneStarLady- but that choice doesn't have to cripple their lives
cwt- For some of you gals that are struggling with some of the issues relating to either being adopted or giving up children who are adopted, I just want to encourage you to remember that God really does love you!
LoneStarLady- they can then choose LIFE and be blessed because of it
cwt- amen!
Rosie61- so true, Lone Star
LoneStarLady- Oh, does He ever love you
April- amen
LoneStarLady- No matter how we were born to this earth. He loves us --- so deeply
co-host- And these children are precious gifts from God and I am so thankful that Jana,s birth Mom made a good decision
LoneStarLady- and wants us to live abundantly
cwt- and when we can't see our way, He shows us the way thru His Son Jesus...
cwt- that's so true too Lonestar
LoneStarLady- we can't live freely if we are hanging on to baggage
LoneStarLady- He wants us to be free and that freedom comes from Jesus
LoneStarLady- our identity must be defined by HIM
cwt- and when we struggle, we can know that He has given us His Holy Spirit to live our lives abundantly
LoneStarLady- not by a birth mother
cwt- so true LoneStarLady!
LoneStarLady- or adopted parent. it must be in Him alone - then, and only then, will we truly be free
co-host- Yes we each have to make that decision for ourself
cwt- I think that is so freeing, when we realize that our identity is in fact in Christ!
LoneStarLady- He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness
cwt- and that it is by His Spirit that we can live that abundant life that He offers...
LoneStarLady- so, it is over
April- there for by the grace of God there go I
cwt- so right
LoneStarLady- get on with the business of LIVING
- be thankful for all things
cwt- what an encouragment you are to all of us!
LoneStarLady- and never lose sight of who granted them to you
cwt- good reminder!
co-host- And when we are adopted into God,s family we are all sisters indeed !
cwt- Isn't that the truth!
.
LoneStarLady- I thank God for birth mothers and adopted parents and adoptees
LoneStarLady- You know, Moses was adopted - I'm keeping good company - Ha - lol
April- lol
cwt- LOL ! Life is not an accident....can you tell us why you feel that way?
Jean- LoneStar did your birth mother want to be found by you?
LoneStarLady- Because God is the giver of life. He has a plan for each person and our job is to discover it and live it out
LoneStarLady- Yes, my birthmother wanted to be found but she would not have contacted me first she left that choice up to me
LoneStarLady- very caring lady
Jean- oh i c
cwt- what a difficult choice that would have been for her
LoneStarLady- Yes, but she let go of me and gave me to God
completely - without strings - that is tough love
LoneStarLady- that is not the easy way out
cwt- yes, it sure is
LoneStarLady- but she has been blessed tremendously because of that choice
cwt- Our hour is almost up...
LoneStarLady- REALLY
LoneStarLady- too fast
betty- Do youthink it's right for the birth mother to contact the adopted child
cwt- do any of you ladies have some more questions for LoneStarLady?
Faith -Some birthmothers do not want to be found. I think that is why it is so good you went through a social worker to make the initial contact.
LoneStarLady- It depends on the situation. Social workers are important. you must respect people's privacy
Faith- Yes, I think so too.
co-host- My daughter does not want to find her birthMom
cwt- yes, neither do my cousins....
LoneStarLady- we all have different stories
Jean- co host in a way that is sad huh?
Jean- ok
LoneStarLady- but it is important to respect each person and where they are in the adoption triangle. some don't want to be found. that must be respected
co-host- I support her one way or the other
LoneStarLady- and all the more reason to have your identity in Jesus, and not in a person
April- amen
co-host- I agree Lone Star
betty- Let me redo the ? do you think it is right for the birth mother to contact the adopted child without adopted parents ok
LoneStarLady- betty, it depends on the age of the child
betty- 13
LoneStarLady- the child is 13?
LoneStarLady- I would wait for awhile
Rosie61- My daughter thought her life was over after giving birth, she had disappointed God, and her parents, but eventually forgave herself as she accepted Gods forgiveness
betty was at that time
LoneStarLady- the child or birth mother?
Faith- Also, it can be disappointing to have a reunion and find out the home the baby went to was not all it was supposed to be. The birthmothers often have that to deal with as well.
April- LSL you have been a mother's day blessing to me tonight may the Lord richly bless you and your families
cwt- LoneStarLady, thank you so much for joining us tonight!
LoneStarLady- thank you for having me
cwt- There are several women here who needed to hear your message tonight...
LoneStarLady- I really appreciate your letting me share
cwt- Mother's Day can be a very difficult day
LoneStarLady- I hope it has given a little encouragement
co-host- Thank You so much LoneStar
cwt- will you join us again?
LoneStarLady- All mother's are precious. . .
LoneStarLady- YES
cwt- Let's close in prayer as our hour is up...it always goes too fast...
LoneStarLady- just say when
April- amen Lonestar
Faith- This has been a wonderful topic. Thanks for sharing.
cwt- Father, thank you so much for LoneStarLady and for all the women who joined us tonight. Thank you for reminding us that You are the giver of Life
LoneStarLady- thank you that you are the FAther of all fathers
Jean- we need more of this topic
cwt- and that life is never an accident.
LoneStarLady- you are sovereign
cwt- We ask that You would bless LoneStarLady, and multiply her ministery in the lives of other hurting women
LoneStarLady- You are our strength
cwt- Amen
April- yes Lord
April- amen
cwt -Thanks so much gals...
cwt- our hour is up, but feel free to stay and chat... there is another chat starting up in just half an hour...
co-host- Yes Lord And thank you for her great encouraging words
Rosie61- Amen
Subject: Choosing Life, the Road to Adoption
Date: May 13, 2002
What comes to your mind when you hear the work, "adopted"? Have you been adopted, or do you know someone who is? Tonight we will interact with a special guest concerning this topic. Julie was adopted and as an adult she sought out her birth mother. Read her story online HERE about "Choosing Life: The Road to Adoption."
The following transcript includes Julie as a guest in our chat room. Her nickname is "LoneStarLady".
- What were your initial thoughts when you discovered that you were adopted?
- Your teens years were filled with struggles of overachieving, how did that relate to your dealing with being adopted?
- Later after you were married, you searched for your birth mother, what were your feelings while continuing your search?
- Can you describe your relationship with your mothers today for us?
- If you could share words of wisdom to a pregnant teen mom, what would they be?
- What are your thoughts of hope for those women who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy?
- To those women who are adopted and struggling with feeling rejected, how would you respond to them?
- Life is not an accident, can you tell us why you feel that way?
cwt CHOOSING LIFE: THE ROAD TO ADOPTION
Rosie61- Good topic, cwt
co-host- Hi tj
cwt -Before we go any further, let's open in prayer
Lascinia- adopt from the third world
LoneStarLady- good idea
cwt- Father, thank you so much for each woman who has joined us this evening. We ask that You would be here in our midst, and that You would guide our discussion.... thank you for Lonestar Lady and her story....
Rosie61- May our spirits be open to what you have for us tonight
co-hos-t Dear lord we ask that you quide our conversation tonight re adoption
LoneStarLady- give us ears to hear you encourage our hearts
cwt -may she be an encouragement to all of us tonight.
co-host -Yes Lord be with Lonestar
(all amen)
co-host- Sure great to have so many people tonight
cwt- Well gals, tonight we have a special guest with us....Lonestarlady....you are going to share your story with us tonight....
cwt- what were your intial thoughts when you discovered that you were adopted?
LoneStarLady- I felt like I was hatched, that I didn't have a real background. I was angry that others had a "real" family. I also felt like a charity case. . . . - that I was abandoned and unwanted which meant I was unloved and unloveable
LoneStarLady -I always new I was adopted . It was never a shock. My parents are the greatest parents ever and really made me feel special, they always said I was "selected" not expected
cwt- So you didn't feel that way because they weren't good parents?
LoneStarLady- No way, it was natural for me to feel that way
Most adoptees feel that way
cwt- That is important to know isn't it?
LoneStarLady- My parents are terrific
LoneStarLady- Yes, adoption is a complicated issue. A person needs to really be able to sort through all of the emotions tied in
cwt- lonestarlady is just sharing how she felt after she was told that she was adopted
LoneStarLady- like I said, being adopted is difficult in some ways. I I feel so fortunate, but it still is hard to sort it all out
cwt- Your teen years were filled with struggles of overachieving, how did that related to your dealing with being adopted?
LoneStarLady- I felt like I had to be the best at everything. I thought I had to prove my self worth. I felt like I had to work harder than anyone in order to show how glad I was that I was allowed to live
April- was that a good thing or bad thing lol
LoneStarLady- I thought giving my best meant BEING the best
LoneStarLady- You see, I felt such gratitude for my life. I could easily have been snuffed out. . . .
LoneStarLady- but I wasn't. I am deeply grateful
LoneStarLady- and I thought the rest of my life I had to earn my keep and stay in my parents' good graces
Judy- that's wonderful you are grateful--too often people arent'
LoneStarLady- so they would be pleased with the child they got
April- Can I ask you a question?
LoneStarLady- yes, anything
Judy- yes
April- what age did you know you where adopted?
LoneStarLady- I don't remember when. I always knew. It was something that was never hidden from me
April- That was good ?!?!
LoneStarLady- YES!
LoneStarLady- I felt like it was very good
April- amen
Judy- i would agree
LoneStarLady- my parents made it so positive -- they had longed for a child for so long
cwt that is so good to hear...
LoneStarLady- they saw me as a gift
cwt- I had cousins who were adopted and everyone kept it a big secret..
betty- your adopted
Judy- are you familiar with RAD?
LoneStarLady- and I saw them as a huge gift to me
Judy- Reactive Attachment Disorder
LoneStarLady- sort of
Judy- so often adopted children struggle with the loss and haave a hard time
Judy- attaching and trusting
LoneStarLady- I understand, ,
Judy- but you didn't?
LoneStarLady- It all needs to be worked through and it is hard to do
Judy- sure
LoneStarLady- some adoptees struggle a lifetime, some overachieve
Judy- true
LoneStarLady- like me
Judy- :-)
LoneStarLady- others never achieve
cwt- Some of you gals have adopted children....right?
LoneStarLady- because they feel like they were throw aways
Judy- yes
LoneStarLady- BRAVO
betty- lonestarlady I came in just your adopted or did you adopt a child fill me in
Judy- but of course that isn't true--just so hard for some to believe
LoneStarLady- I am adopted
wog- lonestar, what advise could you give families with adopted children...to make the transaction smoother, as i have 3 young adopted neices and nephews
LoneStarLady- don't hide it
ashokan- If they have positive adoptive parents like yours it really helps with those feelings
betty- so was I at age of 6
LoneStarLady- you must know your children
LoneStarLady- but I would make it very positive
co-host- Lone Star we adopted a girl 30 years ago After we became Christians we Found out the biblical meaning for the name we chose meant "God,s Gracious Gift"
LoneStarLady- YES!
Judy- cool
LoneStarLady- I would also say you could tell a story to the children
LoneStarLady -I heard once where a mother was bathing her daughter and told her a story, about how there was a precious little girl that needed a home and two people that wanted a baby for their own.
LoneStarLady -God designed it to where they would meet
and the little girl/boy could have a loving family. the REAL little adopted girl knew in a flash what was being talked about
and felt positive about it.
LoneStarLady- the other thing I would say is to always be available to talk about it
wog- thats cool...and i am sure that its not a secret in my family
LoneStarLady- let them ask anything. let them know they are safe
cwt- It sure helps to have you share those things with us....
LoneStarLady- that they can ask anything and not be chided for it
Judy- have you read 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
LoneStarLady- because as the child that is adopted. . . .lots of things are scary you feel so many emotions
co-host- Sounds like a great book Judy
Judy- i've found it helpful
LoneStarLady- and you don't want to disappoint anyone
cwt- Judy, are you adopted?
LoneStarLady- but the child must be allowed to talk about it
Judy- no, we adopted an older child
Judy- yes
co-host- I foundmy daughter didn't want to talk about it alot
cwt- that brings with it it's own challenges...
April- were you ever angry?
LoneStarLady- and that is okay too co-host, I went through many stages. sometimes I wanted to talk, sometimes not. you have to go with the child
LoneStarLady- Yes, I was angry
co-host- True
LoneStarLady- VERY angry. I felt like mad at "HER" because she "gave me away."
LoneStarLady- what kind of person would have a baby and then give it away? but that is not what she did. she loved me more than herself. she made a very tough choice
co-host- When did you have the desire to meet your birth Mom LoneStar?
Judy- of course it is so hard to understand that it is often the loving thing
LoneStarLady- she put me above anything
sunshine- did you find it harder to deal with that anger...because of not knowing her?
cwt- Yes tell us about that
LoneStarLady- I found it hard to deal with the anger for awhile but it was cyclical
LoneStarLady- what did you want me to discuss further, cwt?
that she put me first?
LoneStarLady- can you imagine what it was like to be a pregnant teen back in the 60's? there was such shame attached
Judy- i have such a greater understanding of what God does in adopting us--has that been true for you
LoneStarLady- but my birth mother chose to walk that road to give me life
cwt- Good point Judy...
LoneStarLady- then she also got her life back until she could raise a child later in life
LoneStarLady- Yes, if you have Jesus in your life, the Bible is clear that we are ALL adopted! what a marvelous gift
LoneStarLady- I feel doubly blessed!
cwt- You searched for your birth mother after you were married right?
LoneStarLady- Yes
cwt- What were your feelings while continuing your search?
LoneStarLady- It took me years to decide to find her
Judy- He tells us we were aliens and foreginers and He made us part of His family. awesome
LoneStarLady- Yes, Judy. . .
LoneStarLady- I felt a lot of varying emotions while looking for her. I had to be prepared to find anything. I fantasied my whole life of what she would be like. . .
LoneStarLady- But I had to come to terms with finding something other than "perfect"
LoneStarLady- Once I contacted the agency I was adopted from the search was on. It took no time at all and we were connected by phone one night. that started a whole new gamet of emotions
Judy- were you scared
April- what was your mother reaction?
LoneStarLady- ABSOLUTELY terrified
betty- I quess so
co-host- How did your adopted Mom feel about it Being as I am one.
LoneStarLady- She was supportive, but nervous. she wanted to protect me
Judy- and herself?
LoneStarLady- she was scared on my behalf of what I would find and the effect on me
April- I hear you!
co-host- I understand
LoneStarLady- I had asked my parents their opinion before I began the search. I didn't want to jeopardize my relationship with them
cwt- that's important isn't it?
LoneStarLady- they are, after all, my parents---my birth mother is NOT
LoneStarLady- she is a special woman to me, but not my Mamma
cwt- Can you describe your relationship with your mothers today for us?
LoneStarLady- My parents were very helpful
LoneStarLady- yes
LoneStarLady- My relationship with Mom is the same as always-great
cwt- She must be a very special woman too...
LoneStarLady- the relationship I share with my birth mother is good too
cwt- not to feel threatened
LoneStarLady- we are in regular contact
Judy- right cwt
LoneStarLady- in fact, my birth mother was just here last weekend for a couple of days
LoneStarLady- wild, huh?
co-host- THat is so wonderful LoneStar
cwt- Your story is truly one of hope!
LoneStarLady- yes, God has given me a huge gift in her and in my parents
April- that must be such an awesomeness
Rosie61- What was your birth mothers reaction when she first heard your voice
betty- Can I ask ? do you have brothers and sisters by birth
LoneStarLady- I realize that my story is not the typical situation though
LoneStarLady- My birth mother was thrilled! I was fascinated by her voice
Rosie61- Thats wonderful
Judy- awesome!
LoneStarLady- in fact I thought about how she would sound many many times.
LoneStarLady -We had a social worker that acted as our "Go between" before we connected by phone
April- I wonder what she felt like all those years? (birth-mother)
LoneStarLady- it wasn't like I found her in the phone book and just called out of the blue
LoneStarLady- She told me how she felt all those years. . . she wondered and thought of me often ...birthdays, holidays -- you know. . . .
cwt- I actually have friends whose son was also adopted and who found his birth mother......it was positive, but not all situations are
Judy- i bet you are causing a few tears in here
LoneStarLady- and I wondered about her too..........
co-host- Not every story turns out so positive and it is great to hear that yours did
April- ya I do!
cwt- His birth mom said the same thing....
Faith- So true, cwt and co-host.
cwt- you gave up your son didn't you April...
cwt- and you have mentioned before how much you think of him...
Apri-l Yes 27 years ago
LoneStarLady- you are a wonderful woman April
cwt- Father, I just pray for April today....
LoneStarLady- do you know how special you are?
cwt- heal the tears that I know she is shedding tonight...
April- ouch!
LoneStarLady- Thank you Lord that April made a choice to create a family
LoneStarLady- by placing her son in loving arms
cwt- thank you for the blessing that she is to us here in chat, and to the other women she ministers too.
Rosie61- My daughter gave up her babygirl 15 yrs ago too. God gave me the priviledge of holding her in the hospital for a few minutes.
Judy- and show such sacrificial love
LoneStarLady- Yes, Lord
cwt- amen
LoneStarLady- amen
cwt- I didn't know that Rosie...
April- thanks
LoneStarLady- April, you are blessed. . .
betty- LoneStarLady did you have any brothers or sisters who were adopted too
cwt- that must have been hard to let her go....
co-host- I thank you for the gift that she gave some one else Lord give her Joy when she thinks about it
LoneStarLady- you have been such a blessing to him
LoneStarLady- I have an older brother also adopted
Rosie61- Yes, Not a day goes by that I don't pray for her
cwt- What a godly heritage for a child that doesn't even know you Rosie!
betty- Do you know him
Judy- really special rosie
LoneStarLady- oh, let me be clear. . ..
LoneStarLady- I was raised with my brother ( also adopted)
LoneStarLady- I have a sister by my birth mother. I have not met her but she knows about me and we have communicated by computer.....
Rosie61- Thank you. My daughter chose a couple who couldn't have cildren and who were on a waiting list for 7 yrs. They are in the ministry, thats why she chose them
LoneStarLady- how terrific, rosie
cwt- That is so neat Rosie...
cwt- was she a christian at the time?
Rosie61- yes, just a baby christian, only saved or about 1 yr
betty- That a blessing I to this day am still looking for one of my brothers I found 4 and is dead and one I still looking
LoneStarLady- betty, are you adopted
cwt- So that has been a long search for you then?
betty- yes I was 6
LoneStarLady- ah. . .
Judy- was that a difficult adjustment?
betty- over 30 years
Judy- what happened to split up your family
Rosie61- I pray everyday that our little "granddaughter" wouldn't be angry toward my daughter for giving her up, but I know I have no control over that
LoneStarLady- rosie, she will be angry for a time most likely
but it is a process. . .
.
betty- My mother just did not want us so social service step in I live in a orphange till I was 6 and adopted
LoneStarLady- you can pray that she quickly move out of anger into realizing why she was placed
co-host- Rosie it is so important that you pray for her Bless you
cwt- It is good to know how to pray
Judy- incredible, betty
LoneStarLady- these birth mothers are so important
Judy- do you know how much God does want you?
LoneStarLady- My birth mother is my heroine
Rosie61- yes, I understand that. I know she has wonderful Christian parents who love her so much and are so greatful to my daughter for choosing life
LoneStarLady- everything I've ever done has been because of her choice
cwt- If you could share words of wisdom to a pregnant teen mom, what would they be?
LoneStarLady- the same is true for your granddaughter. . . .
that she has the potential to create a family in a way that only SHE can - that she is vitally important
cwt- What a good way of looking at it...
LoneStarLady- that her choices will effect her child's life
and her's forever -- FOREVER !
LoneStarLady- that is not to be taken lightly
LoneStarLady- and also that there are many organizations out there today that are equipped to help young women make their choices. I would caution them to not make a "knee jerk" decision
co-host- Great advice I wish more teens could hear those words of wisdom
LoneStarLady- talk to those that are equipped to hlpe them
cwt- I like what Judy said earlier, that the same way that you were adopted into a loving family, God has adopted us into His family....
LoneStarLady- abortion is NOT the answer
cwt- and He is the giver of life
April- I know my son would have been dead because of me had i try to raise him
cwt- ALL life!
LoneStarLady- and He has a plan for each life
cwt- But even so it is not easy to remember him tho ....
cwt- yes, so true...
Judy- yes, those children are not accidents to God
cwt- God does have a plan for each of us....
cwt- and that is so encouraging for all of us...
LoneStarLady- but God's strength is the strength to get them through
April- The Lord has given me the chance to help my daughter would had a baby at 16
LoneStarLady- Listen to what Jeremiah 1:5 says "before I formed you in the womb I KNEW you "
cwt- so true!
LoneStarLady- "and before you were born I consecrated you"
LoneStarLady- a young teen may have made a poor choice
Apri-l LSL ! you are a blessing!
LoneStarLady- but that choice doesn't have to cripple their lives
cwt- For some of you gals that are struggling with some of the issues relating to either being adopted or giving up children who are adopted, I just want to encourage you to remember that God really does love you!
LoneStarLady- they can then choose LIFE and be blessed because of it
cwt- amen!
Rosie61- so true, Lone Star
LoneStarLady- Oh, does He ever love you
April- amen
LoneStarLady- No matter how we were born to this earth. He loves us --- so deeply
co-host- And these children are precious gifts from God and I am so thankful that Jana,s birth Mom made a good decision
LoneStarLady- and wants us to live abundantly
cwt- and when we can't see our way, He shows us the way thru His Son Jesus...
cwt- that's so true too Lonestar
LoneStarLady- we can't live freely if we are hanging on to baggage
LoneStarLady- He wants us to be free and that freedom comes from Jesus
LoneStarLady- our identity must be defined by HIM
cwt- and when we struggle, we can know that He has given us His Holy Spirit to live our lives abundantly
LoneStarLady- not by a birth mother
cwt- so true LoneStarLady!
LoneStarLady- or adopted parent. it must be in Him alone - then, and only then, will we truly be free
co-host- Yes we each have to make that decision for ourself
cwt- I think that is so freeing, when we realize that our identity is in fact in Christ!
LoneStarLady- He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness
cwt- and that it is by His Spirit that we can live that abundant life that He offers...
LoneStarLady- so, it is over
April- there for by the grace of God there go I
cwt- so right
LoneStarLady- get on with the business of LIVING
- be thankful for all things
cwt- what an encouragment you are to all of us!
LoneStarLady- and never lose sight of who granted them to you
cwt- good reminder!
co-host- And when we are adopted into God,s family we are all sisters indeed !
cwt- Isn't that the truth!
.
LoneStarLady- I thank God for birth mothers and adopted parents and adoptees
LoneStarLady- You know, Moses was adopted - I'm keeping good company - Ha - lol
April- lol
cwt- LOL ! Life is not an accident....can you tell us why you feel that way?
Jean- LoneStar did your birth mother want to be found by you?
LoneStarLady- Because God is the giver of life. He has a plan for each person and our job is to discover it and live it out
LoneStarLady- Yes, my birthmother wanted to be found but she would not have contacted me first she left that choice up to me
LoneStarLady- very caring lady
Jean- oh i c
cwt- what a difficult choice that would have been for her
LoneStarLady- Yes, but she let go of me and gave me to God
completely - without strings - that is tough love
LoneStarLady- that is not the easy way out
cwt- yes, it sure is
LoneStarLady- but she has been blessed tremendously because of that choice
cwt- Our hour is almost up...
LoneStarLady- REALLY
LoneStarLady- too fast
betty- Do youthink it's right for the birth mother to contact the adopted child
cwt- do any of you ladies have some more questions for LoneStarLady?
Faith -Some birthmothers do not want to be found. I think that is why it is so good you went through a social worker to make the initial contact.
LoneStarLady- It depends on the situation. Social workers are important. you must respect people's privacy
Faith- Yes, I think so too.
co-host- My daughter does not want to find her birthMom
cwt- yes, neither do my cousins....
LoneStarLady- we all have different stories
Jean- co host in a way that is sad huh?
Jean- ok
LoneStarLady- but it is important to respect each person and where they are in the adoption triangle. some don't want to be found. that must be respected
co-host- I support her one way or the other
LoneStarLady- and all the more reason to have your identity in Jesus, and not in a person
April- amen
co-host- I agree Lone Star
betty- Let me redo the ? do you think it is right for the birth mother to contact the adopted child without adopted parents ok
LoneStarLady- betty, it depends on the age of the child
betty- 13
LoneStarLady- the child is 13?
LoneStarLady- I would wait for awhile
Rosie61- My daughter thought her life was over after giving birth, she had disappointed God, and her parents, but eventually forgave herself as she accepted Gods forgiveness
betty was at that time
LoneStarLady- the child or birth mother?
Faith- Also, it can be disappointing to have a reunion and find out the home the baby went to was not all it was supposed to be. The birthmothers often have that to deal with as well.
April- LSL you have been a mother's day blessing to me tonight may the Lord richly bless you and your families
cwt- LoneStarLady, thank you so much for joining us tonight!
LoneStarLady- thank you for having me
cwt- There are several women here who needed to hear your message tonight...
LoneStarLady- I really appreciate your letting me share
cwt- Mother's Day can be a very difficult day
LoneStarLady- I hope it has given a little encouragement
co-host- Thank You so much LoneStar
cwt- will you join us again?
LoneStarLady- All mother's are precious. . .
LoneStarLady- YES
cwt- Let's close in prayer as our hour is up...it always goes too fast...
LoneStarLady- just say when
April- amen Lonestar
Faith- This has been a wonderful topic. Thanks for sharing.
cwt- Father, thank you so much for LoneStarLady and for all the women who joined us tonight. Thank you for reminding us that You are the giver of Life
LoneStarLady- thank you that you are the FAther of all fathers
Jean- we need more of this topic
cwt- and that life is never an accident.
LoneStarLady- you are sovereign
cwt- We ask that You would bless LoneStarLady, and multiply her ministery in the lives of other hurting women
LoneStarLady- You are our strength
cwt- Amen
April- yes Lord
April- amen
cwt -Thanks so much gals...
cwt- our hour is up, but feel free to stay and chat... there is another chat starting up in just half an hour...
co-host- Yes Lord And thank you for her great encouraging words
Rosie61- Amen
