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Subject: Dealing with Addictions
Date: Feb 06, 2002
Related Article: Advice: Addicted to Drugs?http://www.christianwomentoday.com/advice/drugaddict.html
Are you or someone you know one of the countless women who suffer alone as a victim of their spouse or child's addictions? These women struggle to hold the pieces together financially and emotionally, while the destruction seeks to devour their homes and sanity.
What are some addictions that invade our culture?
Why do many feel the need to hide these addictions?
What are some root causes of addictions?
What are some of the dangers of revealing the truth?
What are some ways to get help without embarrassing those who are
struggling?
How can you help someone when they are in danger?
What are some steps to get help?
Where can one draw strength from while living with someone with addiction problems?
cwt-- Dear Lord, thank you for this chance to meet again and discuss a difficult topic. Open our hearts and minds to see with your eyes things as You would. guide our conversation. Bless us and help us communicate Your truth to our world. Amenco-host-- Amen
Joy-- Amen
cwt-- What are some addictions that invade our culture?
co-host-- Alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, food, power, etc.
cwt-- there are many that we don't always think of when we talk about addictions. sometimes we only think of the obvious ones
Joy-- Nicotine,drugs an alcohol
cwt-- internet can certainly provide lots of addcition in different areas
Joy-- Yes,surely.
co-host-- Yes, you are right and often even too much time spent at a computer may not seem like an obvious addiction.
cwt-- that's right co-host
cwt-- chat rooms can provide addiction to some....especially the "sex" type chat rooms --
Joy-- I have an addictive personality, I think, along those lines.
cwt-- hows that Joy
Joy-- Not that, I'm sorry
cwt-- I caught that Joy :-)
Joy-- The computer and video games.
Joy-- So sorry.
Joy-- nonon
Joy-- o
cwt-- yes...me too. In fact, I think I was pretty addicted to this chat room when I first started...
Joy-- I got hooked on the Spyro game.
cwt-- I've never played that one.
cwt-- Soap Opera's can be another addiction that can be damaging
Joy-- It got bad.
Joy-- Yes
Joy-- I used to be hooked on them.
co-host-- Well the nature of video games does seem to be addicting. I'm sure lots of children are also on them too often.
Joy-- Yes.
cwt-- I've had that one....had to get rid of the T.V. for some time...
co-host-- You mean soap operas cwt?
Joy-- Yes, I couldn't leave after 12:30
co-host-- Addiction in any form can cause inner tension that is for sure and frustration.
cwt-- yes, I mean soap operas. I would get caught in the story line....not the sex stuff. Just wanted to know what happened to "so and so..."
Joy-- Yes, me too.
cwt-- yes...addiction is ultimately something out of balance in our lives....
Joy-- Yes
sunshine-- a question could be...does _____ lead to freedom or bondage?
sunshine-- If bondage...time to evaluate.
cwt-- that's a good question sunshine
Joy-- Right
co-host-- I think that is a good question sunshine!
cwt-- I think we also have to ask how what we are doing affects others
cwt-- If it is having a negative impact - then it is controlling us and not the other way around
co-host-- Often people feel they are powerless to overcome these addictions.
co-host-- That is a good point cwt.
cwt-- Why do many feel the need to hide these addictions - whether it be porn, drugs or soap opera's?
Joy-- Probably because they know it is an addiction.
sunshine-- we like the illusion that we are in control. To admit an addiction says...I'm not in control any longer.
co-host-- Often if it is someone close to the person, then we would feel responsible and think we were somehow to blame, etc.
cwt-- yes...it is also that we are hiding from reality in some way
cwt-- that hiding from reality may be something painful in our past or present...that we can't cope with or deal with
cwt-- or don't know how to deal with or perhaps even something we wish to change
co-host-- Yes, you are right there.
cwt-- It is easier to cover over our pain many times - especially terrible emotional pain - than to admit how much we hurt
co-host-- Sometimes a person may feel by revealing the addiction nothing will really be gained accept the judgment of others, etc.
co-host-- We as humans tend to grade sin.
cwt-- that's true co-host Especially as believers in God, sometimes we are judged when we admit how we struggle
cwt-- ok...we hinted at this...but are there more root causes of addictions...one is hiding from the pain, which we mentioned. Are there others?
co-host-- Often if we thought we could fix the problem and then couldn't we are embarrassed to admit it to others.
cwt-- true. It can be very scary to go for "help"
co-host-- Often a person may feel they never really measured up and that could be a root cause.
april-- filling a void
sunshine-- I think part is our human tendency to try to "fix" the world in our own way, rather than admitting the deep longings of our heart in this broken world.
cwt-- good point april.
co-host-- There inner world is in turmoil then turn to something else as pain relief.
co-host-- Their
april-- amen sunshine
co-host-- I like that sunshine!
sunshine-- I've heard it said...we are in a parentheses of "groaning" between Eden and Heaven.
cwt-- ok...this is true....but many times even Christians are addicted to various things....
cwt-- so true
co-host-- You are right there cwt.
april-- when we don't allow the Lord to take over some area's this is where we can use others means
cwt-- I think there are different kinds of addictions....some more grave than others...and some hiding deeper issues than others....
co-host-- Sometimes a person may not even know exactly where their pain stems from.
sunshine-- true, april
co-host-- You are right cwt. Some addictions may carry more consequences than others.
cwt-- Does guilt come into play in any of this....If so...where?
.
april-- sure
april-- we all fall short of the glory of God
co-host-- When someone feels powerless to overcome an addiction they do feel guilty and think somehow they should be able to.
cwt-- that's true...and also when we are not willing to admit that such and such is sin...sometimes it can lead to addictions....to cover up the guilt we feel
co-host-- You are right april, we do all fall short of the glory of God.
april-- in a 12 step program " we admit we are powerless"
april-- with out the help of the Lord
cwt-- yes....there is a good 12 step program called "Twelve Steps Spiritual Journey"...
april-- also as 7 step program
co-host-- Admitting would be the first step I would think.
april-- can't remember the name
nicolee-- I've heard that before you can get help, you have to admit that you have a problem.
cwt-- that is true I think Nicolee
april-- sometimes
cwt-- before God and someone you trust is probably a good place to start
april-- some people a so caught up they can't see
cwt-- that brings up a good point, april. What are some of the dangers in revealing the truth?
co-host-- Yes, confessing to God and one other safe person would be a good start.
nicolee-- My husband was like that, with cigarettes.
april-- on which side?
co-host-- Could be a danger for some people to take their masks off and admit their need.
cwt-- rejection can be at the heart of many addictions also.....
april-- dangerous in what way??
co-host-- Can you expand on that cwt?
cwt-- so then when we show we struggle in something, we are afraid that we will be rejected more or further than we already are
nicolee-- Hi Carolyn
co-host-- That is a good point.
co-host-- But by sharing and being accountable it would open the door to receive the prayers of others.
cwt-- it is easier to hide our sense of rejection in an addiction - especially something like soap-operas I think - then to deal with our feelings about that...
april-- dangerous are which side??
cwt-- In the sense, April, of what other issues may it open up for us when we share that we are addicted to something
co-host-- I like the verse James 5:16 NIV "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
cwt-- yes...prayer is a powerful tool in beginning the path to release of addictions of all types
cwt-- does that make sense April?
april-- if the Lord is on our side, If God is for us who can be against us
.
cwt-- maybe danger isn't the right question....unless revealing your struggles could have you lose your marriage, or get you in jail or something like that
april-- I was an addict
cwt-- You will probably lose friends and respect of some when you share an addictions
april-- the truth shall set you free right?
sunshine-- If you lose a friend by telling them you are struggling, were they really a friend?
co-host-- That is why I think it is important to share maybe with just a couple close friends.
nicolee-- Good question, sunshine.
cwt-- I was thinking that! :-)
cwt-- How did you get release from being an addict april?
sunshine-- Of course, there are levels of friendship.
april-- I lost everyone in my life at one time but it was worth it
co-host-- Yes, that is a good point sunshine.
cwt-- right again sunshine
april-- Yes 25 years straight
............................ Carolyn left.............
cwt-- wow. that is a long time April
magee-- congratulations april
april-- sunshine :-)
cwt-- Did you gain some things...?
april-- Oh yes to many to write
cwt-- well...maybe share some big highlight ones...
cwt-- if you feel comfortable doing so
april-- new friendships and restoration with some family members
cwt-- that is really neat April
april-- PTL!!!
co-host-- So with dealing with an addiction you did have to give up some triggers like old friends, etc. but God gave you new ones.
april-- Yes that is very important
cwt-- when we talk about addictions there are really two approaches...dealing with any in our own lives...and seeking ways to help others
cwt-- april, can you share what started you on the path to healing?
april-- In coll. 3:2 aetting your affections on things above and lots of prayer
april-- colossians
cwt-- yes....the renewing of the mind is a big issue for someone who is already a christian...that is where it must start
cwt-- There is a book called "Becoming a Woman of God" that I think would be really good for that
cwt-- it is actually a Bible Study
.
co-host-- Yes, it talks about God giving us a new desire and new strength to deal with problems in 2 Cor 5:17
april-- I like how the word puts that put on the renewing of the mind
cwt-- yes....it is like you said earlier...it requires exchanging one thing for another
cwt-- including wrong thinking ...for that which is right
co-host-- Yes, setting our minds on thoughts that are good and from Christ.
sunshine-- seems like if the thinking is not changed, the temptation would be to change one addiction for another, and still not deal with the root.
co-host-- Absolutely!
Lizette-- yes, absolutely\
cwt-- very good point sunshine
april-- true
cwt-- The root has to be dealt with...and often harshly or radically if you will
co-host-- I think if someone doesn't know the root cause, it is important to ask God to reveal it to you.
cwt-- good point co-host
Lizette-- as He will
Lizette-- in HIs time
april-- that's why we must renew our mind putting ON
co-host-- Like is there something in my past that keeps me responding the same way again and again.
sunshine-- cwt, do you think that root can be dealt with sufficiently, apart from God?
cwt-- yes...and we may have to go back to the past issue to have it "healed' to deal with the present
april-- like your cloths you put on and off
cwt-- no, I don't think it can. Although there would be many that would disagree on that. Biblically speaking, the strength for radical and whole change comes for a relationship with God
co-host-- I don't think the root can be dealt with apart from God.
sunshine-- doing fine, Diamond
cwt-- from that should be
Lizette-- No, it cannot be dealt with apart from God.
co-host-- When Jesus comes into the heart of an addicted person He can break every sinful habit as that person allows Him to.
april-- AMEN!!
Lizette-- amen
cwt --Sometimes we are taught that "behavioural science" works...and it often does...but it is only a half step I think
co-host-- God longs to set us free through Jesus Christ.
Lizette-- but the person has to be open to Him, too.
co-host-- You are right there Lizette.
sunshine-- So, a practical application would be...we have limited influence over the addictions of another, as well, unless God is at work in their life.
Lizette-- else we keep forgetting the reason for His blood.
cwt-- that is right Lizette. God can move only as much as we give him the "control" to
april-- amen
.
Puppy-- Yes, and we have to remember to pray in FAITH for help
co-host-- I love the verse in the Bible that says: If the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed
Lizette-- but, ladies, we have to walk boldly and confidently through the veil...
cwt-- tha'ts right April
Lizette I was reading Hebrews last night
cwt-- ok...how can we help someone....? what if that someone is our own husband or child?
qinghua-- i can write slowly
april-- Lots of prayer
co-host-- I think we need to pray that God will give us the wisdom through His Holy Spirit to know how to help the person.
nicolee-- Yes, sometimes that's all we can do.
cwt-- that is fine qinghua. don't worry about that. You are welcome here
Lizette-- you see, ladies, we can do all things through a living Christ, who strengthens us.
co-host-- Prayer may not stop someone who is determined to sin but it can lessen the temptation and strengthen the person's resolve.
april --I'm still praying for my husband after all these years
co-host-- Prayer paves the way for a person to make right choices.
Puppy --Yes definitely, cwt. We need to pray that Jesus will help us share his live with this person.
cwt --Sometimes it takes a courageous Love on our part to confront also...which can be very scary
qinghua-- i am a chinese
sunshine-- I think unconditional love can minister to their fears and feelings of rejection, if that's a root...yet not a soft, enabling love.
co-host --Do you think it involves loving the sinner but hating the actual sin/
Puppy-- Sorry, cwt, share his love I meant
co-host-- ?
Lizette-- as you should, april... the Bible says you could very well be the one who leads your husband to salvation.
Puppy-- yes, co-host. We tell our children this, we love you always but we do not love what you do.
april-- he is backslidden thanks liz
cwt --yes...but loving the sinner is a very key thing. It means without condemnation or pressure for change..in all of dealing with people that is true
april--true cwt
Puppy-- april, I have to pray for my husband every day. God wants us to.
Lizette-- yes, cwt
cwt-- I think sometimes when we wait for a long time for someone to change, we can get impatient...
april-- amen
cwt-- and then the sin is on our part as well....
Lizette-- yes, cwt
cwt-- also, when addiction personally affects us, forgiveness is a real issue as well
Puppy-- Yes, we become impatient, but that is why we pray for God's guiding.
co-host --I think another way to help someone close to us who is experiencing temptations is to let them know they can share with us when they are feeling tempted and we won't condemn them, etc.
april-- I don't pray for change I pray for deliverance
Lizette-- amen
cwt-- yes...april. both are present aren't they
Puppy --Again, I speak from experience, just pray in faith and God will help us to help the victim.
Lizette-- wow, puppy
cwt --I think you are right Puppy. God is just as interested in working in a person's life as we are
co-host-- Good point.
cwt --but He is patient...and will wait for the right time
Puppy-- Yes, april, I don't pray for change either. I would not want him to change except for his devotion to God. Only God can do this.
april-- it's hard when the other person addictions makes you feel uneasy
Lizette-- I think the example of the woman makes a significant difference there, too.
april-- you really have to put your trust and hope in the Lord
cwt-- Yes...and when dealing with addictions, I think God has to play a huge part in directing us as to when we talk about it or bring it up....
Puppy-- sorry april, I did not realize you were relating to an addiction.
april-- not me myself
Lizette-- I also don't think one should let others' addictions abuse us.
april-- that's ok
Puppy-- no, I realize that, but I was not thinking about the subject we were discussing - sorry.
co-host --The power of the Holy Spirit will give us the wisdom to know when to talk about those things.
Lizette-- or play on us
Lizette-- patience.
Lizette-- it all starts with patience, not control
cwt-- yes, I agree co-host.
Puppy --Yes, if we ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit each day, he will guide us in all of our activity.
co-host-- Often someone would have to pray for assistance from God and confess their own offences and reactions to the person addicted, etc.
cwt-- The control of the Holy spirit is a moment by moment thing as well....when dealing with addictions or anything else for that matter
Puppy --yes cwt - we need to surrender all to him each day and throughout the day, when we err.
Lizette-- yes, that's where God molds us
april-- patience is a virtue
cwt-- true co-host. sometimes we can get so caught up in seeing what is going on in someone else's life, that we can miss what is in our own lives, hearts, or attitudes
co-host --Yes, you are right there. We need to yield our hearts and minds to the Holy Spirit so He can guide and work through us.
Puppy-- how true, cwt.
cwt-- yes. We call that "spiritual breathing"
cwt-- that is to co-host's commente Puppy... LOL
co-host-- Are you all familiar with spiritual breathing?
cwt --Spiritual breathing begins when you start your walk with God...when you discover you need Him in your life
Puppy-- Yes - I've done a little in some Bible studies
-..
cwt-- Once you begin walking with God, "spiritual breathing" is like an exercise in yeilding your thoughts and actions to Him, that allows Him to work in your heart and actions
april-- I understand what you mean by spiritual breathing but don't care for the term sorry
Puppy-- May I ask why, april?
cwt-- that's ok, april. There are different terms to use....do you have another one that you like that explains the concept?
-
april-- makes it sound like tm
cwt-- Yes...I can see that...
-
cwt --no problem. we are just finishing up here. Just a few more mins.
co-host-- We are just finishing a discussion on addictions.
busymommy --My husband has an addiction to porn, and the money he pours into it is awful
april-- mine too!!!!
cwt-- well, the idea is also like allowing Christ to be on the throne of your life....the one who rules, rather than the one who serves or just stands by
busymommy-- There is never enough money to pay bills, etc. even though we both work good jobs
co-host-- Does he admit he has a problem busymommy?
cwt-- Addictions to porn is very tough
busymommy --A No
april-- lots of prayer goes out ot you bm
busymommy-- Thanks April
cwt-- There is an excellent site put out by focus on the Family. It is called Pureintimacy.org Very, very good...for both you and him.
co-host --Could we pray for you ladies right now?
busymommy-- He goes out nightly, and of course lies to
busymommy-- Please
april-- amen
cwt-- it has two approaches. one for those who are married to those addicted and for the addicted themselves. I highly recommend it
cwt-- I am sorry bm
busymommy --thanks
Puppy-- I will pray for both of your husbands, because I find this so sad.
april-- thanks
Puppy-- And you two ladies as well
busymommy-- It's so hard. Thanks
cwt-- Dear Lord, we know you can break the power of sin in anyone's life. We ask you to do that in the lives of these men. Open their eyes to the damage they bring to their families. Make them sick at heart for what they see. Only You can do this. We ask that you soften their hearts to the cry of their wives..and to indeed your own cry that they have pure hearts. AMen
co-host --Heavenly Father, tonight we lift busymommy and april up to you. Lord their husbands are facing struggles with pornography. We pray that you would convict them of this and strengthen them to resist this temptation. We pray you would give busymommy and april the wisdom to know how to help them. In Jesus' name, Amen
Puppy-- Nothing is too difficult for the Lord to mend, though. We just have to focus on Christ.
apri-- amen ! amen! amen!!
cwt-- There is a small article on this site called "Just One look" that deals a little with this issue
apri-- backslidden
co-host --You are right Puppy, nothing is too hard for God.
Puppy-- Amen
busymommy-- Amen
cwt-- Also a book that is good is "Affair of the Mind" by a gal whose husband was severly addicted to Porn
co-host-- Those sound like helpful resources you have mentioned here cwt.
cwt-- Laurie Hall I think is her name
cwt-- opps name
cwt-- Well, our hour is up....already. Let's close
busymommy-- Thanks cwt, good resourses
april-- God 's word doesn't go out void we must stand on that
busymommy-- Amen
april-- cwt thanks
cwt-- Dear Lord, thank you that you DO have the power to heal us and free us. Thank you for that. Please continue to work in our hearts and in those we love in these areas. Amen
busymommy --Will this chat go into the archives, please
busymommy-- Amen
cwt-- yes. I can do that busymommy....
Puppy-- Amen
busymommy-- Thanks
april-- the word saids he is married to the backslidders
april-- amen
busymommy-- Wow, where is that
apri--l hold up
co-host-- Father, We thank you for each and every lady you brought here this evening. Thank you Lord for the willingness of the ladies to share the struggles of loved ones here this evening. May we remember all You have taught us here this evening. In Jesus' name, Amen
Puppy-- Amen
cwt-- amen
busymommy--We thank you Lord, that you carry us through our hard times
april-- amen
co-host-- I agree Lord!
Puppy-- Must close now ladies. I will pray for you two and your families. May God grant you peace .
