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Subject: How to Be Angry (Without Sinning)
Date: July 24, 2000
HOW TO BE ANGRY (Without Sinning)
When things heat up it is easy to respond like a thermometer. Our temperature can rise to match the emotional heat of the frustrated and angry people around us. Or the opposite happens: If people turn icy toward us, we can find ourselves snubbing them in return. The bad thing about being a thermometer is that we allow others to determine our emotional state.
We can choose to be a thermostat instead of a thermometer, but we need to keep several principles in mind to do so. PLEASE join us tonight as we discuss these principles.....
Discussion questions:
1. What is the result of losing our tempers?
2. What would happen if we stopped in the midst of confrontation and asked ourselves "What is the picture of Jesus this person is receiving through me at this moment."?
3. Describe the difference between responding like a thermostat where we influence our climate and reacting to our climate?
4. According to Galatians 5:22-25, what is the key to rising above our feelings when angered?
5. What encourages you in 1 Corinthians 10:13
6. Can we take our anger and make something constructive out of it?
ARCHIVE:
.............. Log on anger started at Mon Jul 24 18:24:57 PDT 2000 ...........
cwt I'll open in prayer
cwt "Lord, I thank you so much for these ladies who are in this room - and for those who will be joining us. I ask that your spirit intervene and that our conversation will be honoring to You - and that we would grow deeper because of this time In Jesus Name, Amen"
mrs_nicki Amen!!
cwt In discussing anger with women, it always amazes me how many women think they are they only ones who struggle with anger.
cwt I find that as women open up --- there are few who do not struggle with anger ... and it is often our loved ones that bring it out of us.
mrs_nicki I agree.
cwt Why don't we start by just discussing some areas and items that trigger anger.\
Shey my kids do for me
cwt I've often heard it said "I didn't know I had anger until I had kids"
cwt Do you have kids mrs. nicki?
mrs_nicki I am amazed that this was the topic, since I have been just recently being praying for help. And yes, I do have kids, four.
cwt What age span?
cwt Mine are 9, 7 and 2
mrs_nicki My oldest is 8, the next two, twins, 5 andmy last is 1.
cwt Busy mom!!
mrs_nicki Hoiw about you Shey?
mrs_nicki Very busy.
cwt Are you willing to share why you have been praying for help ?
mrs_nicki Yes.
cwt ok
mrs_nicki I feel so guilty after showing my anger and impatience with my kids.
............................ Soulsister joined.............
cwt Hi Soulsister .... we are just beginning our discussion on anger. Welcome.
mrs_nicki Hi, Soulsister.
Soulsister Hello
cwt Go ahead mrs. nicki ... feel free to continue
cwt Is it more difficult being patient with it being summer vacation?
mrs_nicki I am a stay at home mom, while my husband works. I really have no outlet,
cwt How about church, friends, neighbors?
mrs_nicki All of my time is spent trying to care for them and him.
cwt You must get very tired.
cwt When we are tired, it is so easy to lose perspective
Soulsister you need time to yourself
mrs_nicki I don't have neighbor, I haven't been to church since last year and I have one friend other than my husband and Jesus,of course.
cwt So ... we get uptight, maybe even lose our temper .... and then we are left with the results. Why don't we discuss those results of losing our tempers.
cwt That is tough mrs. nicki! Hopefully we can be a blessing to you tonight.
Soulsister I had something happen to me Sat and i was so mad at this person
mrs_nicki You are already. Just being able to sit alone and talk or type, i should say.
Soulsister so i need this tonite
cwt "Lord, I pray for mrs. nicki that you would reach out to her - and that you would provide the outlets she so desperately needs."
............................ evasmom joined.............
cwt Hi evasmom!
evasmom Hi all
mrs_nicki Hello Evasmom.
cwt Welcome .... we are just beginning to discuss the results of losing our tempers.
Soulsister welcome evasmom
cwt I know regret comes quickly
evasmom Hi Soulsister
mrs_nicki I began to feel so guilty that I feel even further away from God.
Soulsister i didn't lose mine but was mad
cwt We are left with an aftermath often of hurt feelings
Soulsister I'm still mad
cwt I know even if I don't lose my temper and have uncontrolled anger within me - I begin to feel pretty ugly.
mrs_nicki It does hurt the childrens feelings.
Soulsister not hurt feeling but mad at this person
cwt Today as I was preparing for tonight I was struck by something interesting. Jesus endured an enourmous amount of underserved abuse.
cwt Yet He never responded by mistreating others.
Soulsister oh i didn't mistreat her , thank you lord
cwt It really struck me .... why should I be so different than Him and not receive undeserved abuse.
mrs_nicki The Lord says that "Anger is the friend of a fool.
cwt I don't often retaliate to people ... but I sure lose respect and get upset within myself.
cwt What would happen if we stopped in the midst of confrontation and asked ourselves "What is the picture of Jesus this person is receiving through me at this moment?"
cwt (Especially if they could see our heart?)
Soulsister I did that cwt
mrs_nicki I'd for one, feel so terrible.
evasmom I'm sure they would be disillusioned
cwt The Bible clearly states that we should not sin in our anger .... I don't believe that means we should not be angry.
cwt Some people do some very awful and wrong things.
mrs_nicki They would not think of you as a christian person, if the light of the Lord isn't shining through you.
Soulsister but that person was rude
cwt For example ... if a child is abused .... that makes me very angry ... and I don't think it is something we should gloss over .... but how do we handle it without sinning.
Soulsister yes
mrs_nicki Begin to pray.
Soulsister amen
cwt Soulsister .... YOU are not responsible for that person's wrong behaviour.
evasmom I think anger in itself is natural but we need to practice more self control so that it doesnt escalate
Soulsister i haven't pray yeah
mrs_nicki When you feel that anger coming over you, just start praying.
Soulsister amen
cwt I am amazed how anger often turns into a genuine sadness and pity for the other person when we begin to pray for them.
Soulsister i needed to hear that cwt
cwt We start to see entrapment
cwt Let me pray for you now
Soulsister ok
mrs_nicki Is it wrong to pray then?
cwt "Lord, I pray for Soulsister .... that you will help her to assume responsibilty for only that which she is responsible for - and that is her reaction. I pray that you would enable her to forgive this person who has wronged her. Bless her with your love. In Jesus Name Amen."
mrs_nicki Amen!
cwt No ... mrs. nicki I don't think it is wrong to pray! It is the absolute thing to do
Soulsister thank you
evasmom amen
Soulsister i recieve that
cwt So many of us don't stop to pray when we are angry .... we do it when the waves of guilt or frustration come later.
mrs_nicki That is true.
cwt How different life would be if we stopped and prayed in our anger!
Soulsister I don't have any guilt
cwt Guilt and anger don't always go hand in hand ... especially when we have been wronged.
Soulsister ok
cwt If someone does something against me I wouldn't necessarily feel guilty - but I sure would be frustrated .... and stew about it. I might even tend to slam that person to another. (OOPS!)
Soulsister yes you are right
Soulsister i need to forgive her
cwt That is real trouble when we deal with anger by gossip.
Soulsister oh and that is what is happening
cwt I often say "forgiveness is not a choice ... but to trust again takes time and is earned"
Soulsister amen
cwt Somehow when we have been wronged .... the more people we convince that we are in the right - the better we feel ..... and when we do that - are we better than they?
Soulsister that is true
cwt Now .... I am not saying that we shouldn't get perspective with another! But be careful who you talk to and with what motive.
cwt A true friend can take your hurt and anger and redirect it into forgiveness and healing.
Soulsister amen
Soulsister i will do that
Soulsister your right
cwt This is hard to accept .... but no sin against us is so great that it shouldn't be forgiven.
Soulsister that is what God would want
Soulsister amen
cwt Forgiveness is not too often about the other person .... it releases US from becoming bitter.
Soulsister but this person does this all the time
Soulsister to others
Soulsister so do we forget it
cwt Who is responsible?
Soulsister and just take it
cwt She is!
evasmom Maybe this person dousn't belong in you life?
Soulsister yes
cwt No .... we do not need to become doormats
cwt We need to set firm boundaries
Soulsister ok
Soulsister i never heard it like that
cwt We need to help that person be the one to become uncomfortable with what she is doing.
Soulsister that is good
............................ Shey left.............
cwt I can give a quick example if you like
............................ Shey joined.............
Soulsister yes is that alright with you all?
cwt I had a dysfunctional one way relationship in my life ... it really annoyed me
mrs_nicki My husband and I took my sister in,with her daughter and tried to help her on her feet. She was doing good until she begin to start seeing her babies father again, who beat her and just didher badly. She became very disrespectful to us until we had no choice but to ask her to leave. We never speculated a day or time but only to make preperations. She left that night and since than has told lies on us, about us, hung up on me. I was angry but I never showed her. I contin
Soulsister yes
Soulsister amen
evasmom Mrs. Nicki, there sems to be one in every family....
cwt I always invited these people over because I couldn't stand the silence of waiting until they invited us over. So what I did was allow them to see that the relationship was one-way .... and was friendly but did not invite them over. Then one day they realized what was going on. You see I stopped enabling the dysfunction.
cwt This is only a small example of what we do with those who want to hurt us.
mrs_nicki I need people like you guys.
Soulsister bless you mrs
cwt I think mrs. nicki and her husband did the right thing asking the sister to leave. They made her responsible for her own behaviour
Soulsister amen
Soulsister that is right
Soulsister and God see are heart
Soulsister not that person
evasmom Its the give a man a fish syndrome
cwt Now the key is to leave that responsibility in her hands. It would be easy to give in so she would no longer tell lies.
Soulsister amen
Soulsister good one
cwt Another person's crisis is not our emergency!!!
cwt What is the difference to responding like a thermostat where we influence our climate and reacting to our climate?
mrs_nicki My sister is in a bad way. I am tempted to ask her back, at least for the sake of my 1 year old niece. Should I?
evasmom God wants us to help others but also wants us to help them help themselves
cwt If you do mrs nicki you need to state house rules very clearly.
Soulsister amen
cwt By offering her a choice .... this is our home ... these are the rules within it ... it is 100% your choice if you want to live here or not, but if you do this is how we live.
Soulsister yes Mrs Nicki
mrs_nicki Thanks!
cwt Depending on how responsible she is ... it may not even hurt to have it all typed out nicely
evasmom BUt what about the child
Soulsister and she is a guest and should be thankful
Soulsister she needs the lord
Soulsister lord change this girl
mrs_nicki When I try to talk about the Lord to her she acts uninterested.
cwt I think we can show God's love in a very real way without allowing people to walk all over us.
Soulsister open her eyes to the true
Soulsister amen cwt
cwt You probably have no idea how closely she observes you and your home.
cwt You may even approach it like this "You want a home and stability for your daughter like we have .... this is why and how we have this stability...."
mrs_nicki That sounds like a good idea.
cwt We don't want to allow external environments to complete dictate how we feel each day.
cwt When you bring a troubled person in your home it is so important to include your children in praying for that person and that you all understand what you are up against.
Soulsister amen
cwt It is not about you .... but about how God is going to strengthen you in that difficulty
Soulsister yes You need to think about your children
Soulsister and what it is doing to them
mrs_nicki Which is most of why ididwhat idid.
cwt According to Galatians 5:22-25 (the fruit of the spirit) what is the key to rising above our feelings when angered?
Soulsister good
cwt (The answer is in the last verse) vs. 25
cwt Anyone have a Bible nearby?
mrs_nicki yep/
cwt Do you mind paraphrasing the last verse for us please?
mrs_nicki If you are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives"
Soulsister amen thank you
mrs_nicki Let us not become conceted, or irritate one another
cwt When we belong to Christ we crucify our sinful nature
mrs_nicki or be jealous of one another.
Soulsister that is so good
cwt To live in step with the Holy Spirit is the key.
mrs_nicki It gets so hard sometimes.
Soulsister yes i thank the lord for the spirit
Soulsister it stop me that nite
Soulsister the spirit did that
cwt That is done when we confess what isn't right in our lives .... and receive the Holy Spirit's strength and love.
cwt We call it spiritual breathing.
cwt Exhale the old .... inhale the new.
cwt (Sometimes it almost seems like we have to hyperventilate) (:
Soulsister yes that is the new wine
mrs_nicki The Holy Spirit is always working on our behalf.
Soulsister and all the time Mrs nick
cwt He certainly is ... but I think sometimes we short-change ourselves by trying to do things our own way.
cwt We don't give the Holy Spirit and Christ full reign in our lives.
mrs_nicki You hit the nail on the head.
Soulsister I did want to do it my way that nite
Soulsister but the spirit that is in me
Soulsister is great
cwt It sometimes feels soooo much better to justify our anger and to nurture it (self-pity, gossip .... it actually feels good in a sick kind of a ay)
cwt last word was "way")
mrs_nicki And greater is He that is in you that is in the world.
cwt PTL
Soulsister amen
Soulsister and how anger can grow
cwt Now .... we know that as we share it and discuss it ... how do we apply it more readily and daily.
evasmom The more people we can get to agree with us the more we think we are right
Soulsister and take control
cwt Sometimes accountability is a wonderful thing to have.
Soulsister oh my that is so right on evasmom
cwt Ask a close friend or spouse if "in the next two weeks I really want to temper my anger with my kids.,.... can I call you each time I am about to lose it?"
cwt Or keep a short-term anger journal.
cwt It's like eating ... when you know you will be writing down everything you eat - you might be a little more careful about what you just pop into your mouth.
evasmom I never thought of it that way
Soulsister that is good
Shey that's a good idea
Soulsister i was on prism
cwt Then by taking a close look at that journal ... we might see we need help - or we could take those things that are written each day and in our quiet time .... pour them out to the Lord and pray for help and new perspective.
Soulsister amen
Soulsister well from this day i will not talk about that person i hope
cwt What about 1 Corinthians 10:13 .... there it states that God will not allow temptation beyond what we can handle.
mrs_nicki that's a really good idea.
cwt Soulsister .... it is not necessarily that you don't talk about that person..... it's your motive
Soulsister yes
Soulsister thank you
cwt Is it to slander ... or do you really want to help? That is what I ask myself in those difficult situations.
Soulsister ok
Soulsister that is good
cwt You could also pray about how God would want you to release yourself of the responsibility of her mistakes .... and how God would even have you help her to become responsible.
Soulsister ok
cwt It's so important to not enable her.
Soulsister yes that is true
evasmom We will pray for you Soulsister
Soulsister thanks
cwt That's right.
mrs_nicki Yes we will.
cwt Can we take our anger and make something constructive out of it?
Soulsister i never heard of it like that enable
Soulsister that could hurt right?
cwt Yes it could ..... we enable people so often without meaning to.
............................ brandy joined.............
cwt Hi Brandy
Soulsister yes we can constructive
mrs_nicki Hi, Brandy.
evasmom hi
brandy hello everybody
Soulsister i don't want to do that to anyone
cwt We are discussing how we can enable negative behaviour when they wrong us.
cwt I can enable my child to have a poor diet by always providing junk food instead of healthy food.
Soulsister we this person was enabling me
Soulsister and others
Soulsister well
cwt I can enable bitterness in someone by not encouraging them to forgive. Just agreeing with the unforgiveness and getting into the garbage with them doesn't help them.
Soulsister right
Soulsister and that is a trap
Soulsister for the pit of hell
cwt To enable means to unintentionally give another person the tools to continue in their negative behaviour.
Soulsister oh ok
cwt Back to my last question ..... Can we take our anger and make something constructive out of it?
cwt I certainly think so!
mrs_nicki So i was enabling my sister by not allowing her to stand on her own and do for herself?
cwt Helping is different than enabling. I think you did not enable her .... when she crossed the line you made her responsible for that.
Soulsister and that was good
Soulsister she needed to be
cwt We can help and not enable. It is helping with boundaries .... so that people don't take advantage of you .... and you don't feed negative dysfunctional behaviour.
Soulsister yeah or put down
evasmom God helps those who help themselves
cwt That is right ... people certainly need to take responsibilty
Soulsister where does it say that in the Bible?
mrs_nicki i don't see how you can turn anger into something constructive.
cwt Jesus did.
Soulsister oh i do all the time
cwt When He turned the tables at the temple He did not tolerate their bad behaviour .... and he did not sin in his anger.
mrs_nicki Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
evasmom Ladies, I hate to leave but I have an early day tomorrow but wil "see" you all agian soon, night
cwt Or anger at abortion doesn't mean we hurt those who are aborting .... maybe we can take that anger and volunteer at a Crisis pregnancy center.
cwt Thanks for coming evasmom - great to hve you.
Soulsister nite evas
mrs_nicki Goodnight and God bless you
Soulsister bless you
............................ evasmom left.............
cwt I encourage you to pray through the situations in your lives that cause anger - and ask God to help you make something constructive of them.
cwt We may all be AMAZED at what could happen.
Soulsister amen
cwt On that note ... the hour has come to a close ... it goes by so quickly. I will close in prayer.
cwt "Lord, I thank you for these ladies - and I ask that in our day to day encounters as situations come up that can make us angry that we would turn to you and allow your Holy Spirit to direct and guide us and make soemthing constructive out of these situations. In Jesus Name Amen."
Soulsister amen!
mrs_nicki Goodnight all of you wonderful women of God. May He bless you all and keep you in all of your ways, in Jesus name.
.............. Log stopped at Mon Jul 24 19:27:29 PDT 2000 ...........
