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Subject: Love Busters - When Emotions Become Destructive
Date: February 1, 2001
Love Busters: When Emotions Become Destructive
It can be delightful to observe a young child's tears dissolve into laughter, however, as adults emotions can play all kinds of havoc on our lives. When emotions are allowed to develop to extremes they can become very destructive and potentially dangerous. There are ways to bring those emotions into check or to protect ourselves from others whose emotions are out of control. Please join us for this discussion as to how we can be overcomers of difficult emotions.
1. What are some emotions that can be destructive in a relationship?
2. What are some practical ways to manage destructive emotions?
3. How does one respond to these types of emotions when we are on the receiving end?
4. How can we effectively share our burdens with others?
5. When is it time to seek help?
6. What role does the Holy Spirit play in healing?
cwt Lord, I thank you so much for this evening. I ask that you would pour your blessing on this evening and anoint our time together. We love you and praise you. In Jesus Name. Amen
Robin Amen
cwt What are some emotions that can be destructive in a relationship?
blessing i think one of the most dangerous ones is anger
cwt jealousy can be right up there too
cwt depression
blessing yes absolutely
blessing envy too
blessing how about pride
blessing any others ideas
Robin All of those emotions can be very destructive.
cwt What about positive emotions that can be destructive?
blessing they damage relationships
cwt For example ... love can turn to lust ....
blessing interesting thought... love can turn into control I guess
Robin I don't really agree.... I mean, I don't think real love, Godly love turns into those things, I mean if they do then it's not really love. Just my opinion.
cwt I agree with you Robin
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cwt I was meaning the word "love" in the world's sense of an "emotion" ... not in the spiritual sense.
blessing yes, it wouldnt be godly love for sure that would expect control, godly love controlled by the Holy Spirit would be unconditional
Robin When you feel you need to control someone, I don't think it's from love, I think that it must stem from lack of self worth, or jealousy maybe.
cwt Hi Shey
Robin Hello Shey
Robin Welcome
blessing good point, the underlyidng root would be something destructive
Shey Hi
blessing hi shey
Robin yeah, that's what I think
blessing good point
cwt We just want to throw out emotions that when they are not guided by the Spirit ... they turn destructive.
cwt What are some practical ways to manage destructive emotions?
Robin prayer
Robin lots of it. :)
cwt Amen!
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cwt Hi Molly
cwt We are discussing how we can manage destructive emotions.
blessing yes, open communication with God for sure, also complete abandonment to Christ being on the throne of our lives and the Holy Spirit directing
cwt I think the whole aspect of abuse results from destructive emotions.
Robin Hello Molly
blessing forgiveness would be and essential part of the process, confession and forgiveness of sin
molly hello everyone
cwt Is forgiveness difficult when the destruction continues
Laurie I think it would be.
molly It is for me
Robin I think on the human level indeed it is, prob. impossible, it would def. be a God thing to forgive under those circumstances
blessing it can boil down to a choice, because we cant wait until we feel like it
cwt How can we come to terms with forgiving when the abuse continues?
Robin Blessing, that's true it is all about our choices
blessing the Holy Spirit has to help us be obedient
cwt If we rely on the Holy Spirit ... is He able to help us forgive that person who continues the abuse?
molly I go through emotional abuse
cwt Is this in your marriage?
Robin yes, I think he does, but I also think it's imp. to know that God doesn't nec. want us to continue in the abuse, esp. if it's physical
blessing the Holy Spirit is our only hope to help us in those situations our own power is useless
cwt I believe when Jesus told us that we need to forgive 70 x 7 .... He knows it is a process.
blessing good point
Robin There must be a time to remove yourself from the situation, at least temp. until it can be solved.
cwt There is also the issue of safety .....
molly People tell me leave it in God's hands. It's so difficult.
cwt It can be a myth that we must forgive while the destruction continues.
blessing yes I agree, if safety is a concern it is necessary to leave for a time
cwt How then do we know when we need to draw the line and protect ourselves ?
cwt Whether it is emotional or physical?
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blessing hi joybell
cwt Hi joybell
molly hi joybell
Robin leaving it in God's hands is one thing, but you don't have to subject your self to it, I don't think God wants that, I might be wrong but that's just me.
joybell Type HEREhello
Robin Hi Joybel
cwt I totally agree Robin.... I think that is totally wrong.
Robin emotional can be just as destructive to a person, just doesn't leave outside scars
cwt I think if you are in an abusive situation ... it is important to talk to someone. It can give you perspective.
cwt Sometimes when you are deeply in a situation you cannot see that it is NOT normal.
cwt It doesn't take very long for a dysfunctional situation to become normal to the abused.
Robin I know of someone in a marriage who is terribly emotionally and verbally abused......in the name of Christ
cwt So ... first it is important to recognize that abuse is happening.
Robin yeah, that would be a good vital start
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cwt Hi Spud
Robin Hello Spud, Welcome
blessing ho spud
joybell Never been on this chat before, Do you have certain areas you discuss each night/
Spud Good Evening
cwt Ok ... so you recognize that you are at the brunt end of destructive emotions ... then what?
blessing joybell we have scheduled chats on Monday and Thursday evenings on a topic, they are all listed below
blessing tonights chat is on When Emotions Become Destructive
cwt I think boundaries need to be set up and established ... and then if those boundaries are violated, it might require removing yourself from the abuser.
joybell Well, that will be good. Can check and see if there is something that might interest me
blessing it is important to recognize our vboundariesz, sometimes we need outside help to do that
joybell Maybe I can be of some help sometime to
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cwt Is it very difficult to admit to someone that you think you are being abused?
molly YEs, because i feel like I've failed everyone
joybell That is nice of you to include everyone and maybe you offer prayer , also?
cwt Or ... what if you suspect that someone you know is being abused ... what do you do?
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Robin That is a hard one
joybell That is very touching to hear. Hope we can chat some and find some things of interest to one another
cwt hi
Robin until they are ready to admit it, it could be hard to confront
cwt What if you thnk they are in danger?
Laurie I know a person who would never admit it, but I do suspect it.
cwt Can you talk to her about it?
blessing yes, it is a hard oone to admit, we often want the picture on the outside to look squeaky clean
cwt If not ... I think it is very good to pray for that person ... and to pray that the truth would be revealed.
Laurie No. I don't think she is in danger.
molly I feel if I leave I will always be alone.
cwt If anyone is familiar with the book, Boundaries ... it can open the conversation.
Robin read it....great book
molly I've never read it
Robin it is worth getting
cwt Molly, if you are in an emotional abusive situation ... is there you can draw strength and support from?
blessing it is an excellent book and a great course as well
cwt It really is .
blessing are you part of a small group in a church Molly?
molly Yes, I was brought up in a christian home and my mom has always been there for me.
molly I use to go to church but I've stopped
cwt Do you have children as well in this situation?
blessing that is great, is your husband a Christian?
blessing why did you stop going?
molly My husband is not a christian and I feel he has a drinking problem
Robin Do you have children?
blessing can we pray for you right now?
cwt Have you been married for awhile?
Robin Is the abuse physical as well?
molly I have 2 daughters and have been married 13 years
molly No physical abuse unless I trigger it
blessing I think we need to support you with prayer right now
Robin unless you trigger it?
Robin what does that mean?
molly I mean when he's drunk and he tells me leave me alone and I keep questioning where he has been
cwt "Lord I pray for molly that you would provide her strength and protection and that you would guide her steps. Help her to deal with the situation she is in. I pray for her husband that you would draw him to yourself and that he would grow to honor and cherish his wife. Amen.
Laurie None of this can be your fault. He is responsible for his own behavior.
Robin well, his lack of self control is not your fault and you shouldn't have to suffer physically for it whether you "trigger it" or not
blessing Lord we pray for Molly right now and ask you intervene in a supernatural way in her life. God you know the extent of the problems she and her children are experiencing and we ask that you would bring her wisdom, support and your direction in her life. Lord I ask for her safety and the safety of her childdren as well. We pray that her husband would change ina miraculous way. Amen
Robin Has your husband any background in the church?
molly How do you know when to call it quits. Because he is a good husband sometimes.
Spud Father, we pray for molly right now that you would protect her and give her the strength to go on!
blessing that is so true, this is not your fault, you cannot lay guilt on yourself, I would suggest seeking Christian counsel
molly He knows God and says he loves him but he doesn' t go to church
blessing have you contacted any councilling services at all?
Robin I'm not saying you should call it quits, divorce is the last option, but I think you can remove yourself for a while for safety sake, and get counseling, you and him both. Are you a christian?
molly Just through christian friends
blessing it may be wise to seek professional advice
molly I feel like I am a christian because if It wasn't for God's love I wouldn't be here right now
blessing I think the verses in 1 Corinthians 7 talk about living with a non believing spouse, and stayin with them but it also talks about living in peace, that is verse 15
blessing the Holy Spirit can direct you if you ask Him
blessing He is the power source to the abundant life for us as Christians, He will give wisdom all you have to do is ask without wavering
molly thank you for your prayers
Robin Well, knowing God and loving God is wonderful but getting drunk, and abusing your wife doesn't
Robin add up
cwt It is common in abusive situations that the abused feels that somehow they are responsible.
cwt Does your spouse abuse your children .... verbally or physically?
blessing is your husband open to attending some Christian counselling?
molly no he's a good father
blessing that is wonderful
molly he says he doesn't need help I do
molly Maybe I overreact to the situations
cwt Even if you trigger spurts of anger .... you still need to protect yourself.
Robin well, that is another classic quote of an abuser
cwt The abuser can become very irrational in what sets them off.
Robin well, I really need to go, I've enjoyed this time, I will be back, thanks for your welcomes
cwt That does not make the abused responsible for triggering.
Robin and Molly you and your children and husband will be in my prayers tonight. Blessings,
cwt Robin we have really enjoyed your participation.
molly thank you robin
cwt I think destructive emotions take place in WAY more homes than any of us would really want to know.
cwt Unfortunately that includes Christian homes.
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blessing yes Christians are not immune to problems of any nature
cwt These issues are often so private that most people would never believe those things are taking place.
cwt Molly, were you hurt in your church ... is that why you are not attending?
blessing I would really encourage you to talk with a pastor as to getting some help for your problems
cwt It is so important to have support as people can give great perspective.
blessing and prayer support
molly No, I just feel like I never fit in. I have a bad pattern of starting and then I just stop going
blessing does your husband support you in going?
molly Yes
cwt How can all of us be effective in helping people we know who are in destructive situations?
blessing I would encourage you to give it a try once again,
molly I promice I will starting this Sunday morning
Shey by not shutting them out of our lives but be encouraging them adn praying for them
cwt What about confrontation? When is it appropriate?
blessing that is great and may the Lord bless you for honoring Him
cwt It is easy to think of women as the abused ... perhaps they have a severe anger problem that is destructive to their families.
blessing I think confrontation is only allowed and or effective after a deep relationship has been developed
cwt I totally agree blessing.... inappropriate confrontation can be violating.
Shey I would agree
blessing so a relationship needs to start first, trust and respect, honor etc
cwt We need to pray through that ... and be very gentle and careful in our approach.
blessing authenticity and confidentiality also
Laurie Well said.
cwt For example ... in the anger situation ... I think the person would feel very uncomfortable to have their anger pointed
cwt pointed out (I mean)
blessing for sure, it could look accusatory
cwt They possibly could lash out more at their family.
cwt We really need to pray for sensitivity.
cwt I have a friend who really struggles with anger.
blessing also we have to be careful to point out the speck in our neighbors eye while ignoring the log in our own
cwt What I do is when I sense she is going through a "bout" .... I indicate to her that the Lord has laid her on my heart and that I am praying for her ... and I ask "are you ok".
Laurie Does she direct her anger at other people?
cwt She then feels the freedom to open up.
cwt Not too often ... she internalizes that .... but she does take it out hard on her husband.
cwt What role does the Holy Spirit play in healing .... and helping those who are struggling
cwt Do you feel the Holy Spirit is necessary to healing?
molly Ido
Laurie Yes.
cwt Do you know how the Holy Spirit can help?
blessing the Holy Spirit can take the front seat of our lives if we allow Him to
molly No
cwt Molly, we will briefly share the process of walking in the Spirit.
Laurie Jesus will heal our hearts if we allow him to direct our lives.
molly I'm confused about how the holy spirit works in our lives.
cwt We don't have to deal with these difficulties on our own. If we have Christ in our lives, He provides us the Holy Spirit to guide us.
blessing He is the power source, He brings joy, love, peace, self control, patience...the fruits of hte spirit
cwt If we confess our sins to God, He cleanses us and forgives us and enables the Holy Spirit to work in us.
cwt So as the Holy Spirit makes us aware of our sins (we can pray for that awareness), he will cleanse us.
cwt when we confess those sins.
blessing so you havent heard of the concept of spiritual breathing? it is the key to abundant Christian living, we exhale sin and ask God to confess and then we inhale His spirit and move on in faith
cwt We inhale .... by believing and receiving the Holy Spirit in our lives.
cwt For example ... if I am in a car .... and Christ is the driver ... I can grab the wheel and take over the car allowing Christ to be the passenger.
cwt Or .... I can move over and be the passenger and allow Christ to take over the wheel and drive the car in the best way possible.
cwt That is the way the Holy Spirit lives in our lives.
cwt We confess our sins and allow him to take over the wheel again .... when we allow him the control.
blessing if you look on the far right hand side of the screen in blue there is an article that you can click on to get more information in detail on the Holy Spirit
blessing it is a process and always involves a choice
cwt With the Holy Spirit living and controlling our lives ... we can live an abundant and meaningful Christian life.
cwt It of course doesn't mean easy ... but He gives us the wisdom and strength we need.
blessing the Christian life is full of decision making, always deciding to let Christ lead us, and we move aside
cwt Does this make sense for you Molly?
molly Yes , thank you!
cwt The process for this can be indicated by a prayer of confession and asking Christ to be on the throne of our lives so the Holy Spirit can live in us.
cwt When we are in a difficult situation ... we don't need to allow it to overpower and destroy us.
cwt There is hope in Christ.
blessing I uge you Molly to seek some help from a pastor, and to move ahead in your faith, remember that you are a child of God, study what that means, and declare your faith aloud to the unseen world
blessing I also encourage you to put on the armor of God as it states in Ephesians 6 : 10 to protect yourself
cwt That is such a powerful and visual scripture!!
blessing there is hope for sure we serve an awesome God!!
blessing remember to move ahead on faith not feelings, they always fail us
cwt Ladies thank you so much for joining us tonight. This has been a challenging discussion.
cwt The hour goes by so quickly!!
cwt I would like to close in prayer.
blessing it has been great
molly God bless all of you
Laurie Wonderful.
cwt "Lord I thank you so very much for this evening. I pray for those who are hurting and struggling. I pray for Molly that you would protect her and lead her to some help and support. We love you Lord and thank you for this time together. In Jesus Name. Amen"
blessing Lord we again thank you for this time to talk and encourage one another in Your name, we again ask you to be with Molly, bless her, help her to grow in her faith and most of all help her in her situation, thank you in advance for what you are going to do in her life. Amen
cwt Our next session is on Monday and again next Thursday ... and the topic is: How to be a Great Friend
blessing look forward to it, goodnight all!
cwt same time ... same place ... bring your coffee cups and please join us!
molly Goodnight!
Laurie Goodnight.
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