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Subject: Managing Anger
Date: June 14
Related Article: Advice: Anger
Most of us strive towards having our lives in decent packages where order and control dictate. When anger erupts, it defies our sense of order and is often frightening to those around us. Few women are comfortable admitting that rage and anger lurk beneath polished exteriors. Please join us as we address this issue and share tools as to how you can either manage your anger or learn to live with someone who struggles with anger.
What is the result of losing our tempers?
When is anger wrong?
What are some alternative reactions or actions rather than anger?
How does one discover what the root of an anger problem is?
Where does one find the courage to change?
.............. Log on june25 started at Mon Jun 25 17:06:54 PDT 2001 ...........
............................ Sue joined.............
Shey fig how did you find this place
Shey Hi sue
fig i searched for Christian chat and was hoping to find a women's sight that i could chat on.
cwt MANAGING ANGER
Shey well you found a very good one
fig i hope so
............................ DeeDee joined.............
cwt Glad you could all make it.....looking forward to tonight's topic of Managing Anger
Shey Hi DeeDee
cwt Hi There DeeDee
DeeDee Hello Shery and you all
fig hi
cwt We are just getting started.....let's open in prayer
cwt Father, thank you for the chance we have to get together tonight and chat. Guide our conversation by your Holy spirit and teach us what we need to learn. Amen
DeeDee Amen
cwt When you think about managine anger, what are your first thoughts?
cwt that was managing anger
Shey keeping calm
DeeDee I'm not sure but am here to learn some techniques
cwt Perhaps a better question would be, what is the result of losing our tempers?
fig regret
Shey guilt
cwt loss of control
Sue Type HERE I recently was accused wrongfully by another Christian Brother and family member. I have never been an angry person, but this took hold of me for some time. I knew what was the right thing to do. I gave it to the Lord over and over again, but I continued to have terrible feelings toward this person. I finally realized that I could not control my feelings - I'm human - I had to ask the Lord to TAKE IT.
cwt That is a difficult situation Sue...sounds like you did the right thing though
Sue He did! You always here "give it to the Lord" but there are times when we have no control.
Sue You have to turn things over to the Lord and let Him take control of the situation. I can't say this person is my favorite person to be around, but I can say all feelings of revenge have left me.
cwt that's great example of what God can do in a difficult situation
DeeDee Sue, that's great and where I want to be as I learn to walk more obediently w/Him
cwt One of the things that comes to my mind about losing our temper is that when that happens, I have allowed the other person to control me
cwt For example, when I yell at my child, that child now has control over me, not the other way around
Shey I've never thought of it that way
cwt I had a real anger problem with my father for many years, and realized that I had allowed him and his dysfunction to control me
Shey so when God is in control that should not happen
DeeDee I'm thinking of all the things I've said out of anger and you can't take those painful words back
cwt that's right Shey....
cwt I know DeeDee....
cwt someone once asked how to right the wrong of words said in anger...the answer was, take a feather pillow and shake out all the feathers. Just like you can't get the feathers all back into the pillow, so you can never take back all the words said in anger
Shey but you can asked for forgiveness and that will show that you have put the control back where it belongs
cwt That's right Shey
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cwt welcome d!
DeeDee Hello d
Sue I think you can avoid much of the anger that we feel by dealing with situations early. Not letting them get out of hand and build until it is a problem larger than life. Most situations, if handled early, should never get to an anger stage.
d hi everyone
cwt Good point
fig i think that is an excellent point
Shey you are so right
cwt What are some other alternative reactions or actions rather than anger?
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Sue Usually if I'll keep my mouth shut, that solves alot of problems! Ha Ha
cwt LOL
cwt the old adage of counting to 10 first helps
Shey with my kids if I send them to there rooms until we all calm down and then it is easier to talk about
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Sue The Bible says to do good unto them. It's hard but it works!
Shey that would be hard
DeeDee But what if you have the explosive type anger? Spout off first, then think about it and feel guilty? You can't take those actions/words back
cwt another way to look at it is to minister life, not death, or blessing and not cursing
cwt Good question DeeDee....
cwt maybe it would help to find out what the root of the anger problem is
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cwt welcome jaden and mimi
mimi Type HEREthank you
Shey Hi jadenT and memi
jadenT what are you guys talking about so far?
cwt we are just talking about how to deal with explosive anger
Sue DeeDee, my husband was a person like that. Not abusive, but reationary. The fact is you can control it. I know I have become angry with my children, but I can control it with a police officer. It very much a matter of choice. Not easy, but possible.
Sue God gives us the ability to do what He has asked us to do.
mimi i agree that managing anger is a matter of choice
cwt You are right there
jadenT I struggle with anger...i had to look back into my childhood and find out why...i realized I had a lot of built up anger towards my dad
cwt sometimes we get angry because we rationalize that it is our only option
mimi i think that when the possibility of anger arises it is key to rememeber what we can lose
cwt I hear you jadenT....
cwt same thing in my life
jadenT once i dealt wtih that anger towards him I have been so different
DeeDee What do you mean, mimi?
cwt how did you deal with that anger towards him
mimi yes anger ususally sems from unresolved differences
DeeDee I see what you mean. And yes, that's true
jadenT I wrote a letter to him telling him everything that I was angry about, didn't send it but it made me feel better, then I prayed a lot that god would help me to forgive him
cwt Depression is often linked to unresolved anger
jadenT i actually am taking light depression pills, that helps during the pms times, when i really can go crazy
jadenT true cwt
DeeDee Yes, my counselor has said depression is actually anger turned inwards
jadenT totally true
cwt absolutely!
jadenT i heard that too
cwt I went through a really deep depression and that' s one of the things that I learned
jadenT so we need to pray that God will reveal what we are angry about and deal with that
DeeDee Do any of you ever get angry w/God?
cwt as I dealt with the unresolved anger in my life towards my father, I came out of the depression and the anger left aswell
jadenT me too
jadenT actually i don't think i have ever been angry at God, curious at His actions though
jadenT are you all Christians?
cwt yes for me
Shey yes
Sue I am!!
DeeDee Yes, but brand spanking new
jadenT Praise the Lord for that
Shey that's really neat DeeDee
cwt Glad you are all joining us....and don't worry about being new DeeDee....we were all there once
jadenT you know angels sing and praise God when someone becomes a christian
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DeeDee I feel so guilty lots of times because I fail Him so often when I don't want to, though
cwt Would you be willing to tell us a little bit about your story DeeDee?
cwt About becoming a Christian I mean
cwt and don't worry about failing Him...we all do that as well
cwt But it is learning what the next step is that is so important
jadenT well i will be praying for all of you in this area, please remember me too, bye
DeeDee Wow - 47 y.o. & been drug/alcohol user since 16 (til recently). Sexual/physical abuse issues & LOTS of anger surrounding it all
cwt Thanks for joining us jadenT...come again
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mimi God wants to bring us to a new level of maturity. Relationships are destroyed because of anger. Anger makes you passive or agressive; run or resist; flee or fight. Anger becomes a weapon of destruction.
cwt yes, that is all true mimi
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DeeDee mimi, so well said and true
cwt welcome seekHisface
seekHisface evening ladies
seekHisface thanx
Shey Hi seekHisface
seekHisface hi
DeeDee Hello
cwt the thing that has really helped me in dealing with anger is realize as was said earlier, that I do have a choice as to how i respond
cwt As I allow the Holy spirit to control my life and my anger, He gives me the strength not to get angry
mimi We must admit the reality of our anger. Peace is not gained by eliminating aner. It is gained by learning to express it. People move in three directions when dealing with anger. 1. against people b) away in fear c) walkling with inlove. It is not that we do not get angry but why and what we do about it. Seconly we must understand the reason for anger. Admit you are anger. What is the real cause. We get angry when we feel unaccepted, unappreciated, unsupported, unprotected,
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Shey hi gigi
mimi We must deal with the results of our anger too. Anger is a physical state of readiness. We are in constant danger of using it in an inappropriate way.
cwt welcome gigi
DeeDee that helps so much, mimi. thank you
mimi Proverbs 29:11 says A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.
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cwt good points mimi...sounds like you have studied a lot about anger
mimi The path to the prevention of anger from being expressed is:
mimi a) count the cost. Think of what you could lose: respect, reputation.
seekHisface i think that i have a problem with anger when I feel out of control of a situation
cwt so true seekHisface
Shey me too
seekHisface when I can't control my situation ,,,, makes me feel insecure somehow
cwt I hear you!
mimi b) Reflectbefore reaction. We can react or respond. Build up and don't tear down. To do this we must rely on Chirst's help.
cwt that insecurity can definitely result in anger
mimi Ask why do you feel angry? Why are you angry at? Understand what is going on in your heart. Anger is the bell of what is wrong. Argument's don't start with the real issue. We guilt motivate others.
seekHisface i like all my ducks in a row ,,,, or to at least feel as if they are,,,,and when a duck is 'out of sorts' I don't know how to handle it
cwt it is good that you understand why you get angry seekHisface!
cwt that is definitely a good place to start
mimi Keys I have learned when confronted with an angry person or angry myself:
seekHisface doesn't help me much while i'm angry though.
seekHisface at that point, i could care less WHY i am angry,,,,,,,ya know?
cwt I hear you!
DeeDee boy do I, seekHisface
cwt But that is where we come back to confessing that it is wrong and being repentant, that is wanting to change our behaviour
mimi 1) be brief: state case 2: be specific 3) be humble or you will stumble. Use I statements and not you statements. 4) Never condemn, compare, command, challenge, contradict, confuse. Your ultimate goal: if you win the fight and lose the person you have lost. There must be mutual harmony.
seekHisface my worst way of venting my anger/frustration is by criticizing my hubby
seekHisface and then I hate myself all the more for doing it.
mimi Yes I use to do that when I was married. Now I'm divorced.
cwt often we get angry at someone who really isn't the cause of the anger
mimi Yes that is misdirected anger
seekHisface My husband is the most loving, caring man to me,,,,and I guess i take advantage of that.
cwt the presenting problem isn't the real problem
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mimi Sometimes we do because we know that they care about us. It really is abusive though.
seekHisface i know....and point blank,,it is SIN.
cwt ephesians says that we are to be angry, and sin not
cwt so, not all anger is sin
seekHisface i am not treating my husband the way God would want me to.
mimi Yes that's true. But there can be a righteous anger. Depends on the content of the disagreement.
seekHisface i don't mean that my anger is sin,,,i mean the criticizing and mean words.
cwt yes, that's true
mimi Find out what the root cause of your anger. Talk to your husband about what bothers you.
cwt that verse in Eph. 4:26...the rest of it is very important too....don't let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity
seekHisface we do,,,we talk and talk,,,,and i think we both know what the problem is rooted from,,,,but i just don't know how to stop...
seekHisface and i've prayed and prayed for the Lord to put a guard over my lips...
mimi Do you believe in deliverence?
seekHisface but open mouth,,,insert foot,,,every day it seems.
cwt Try thinking on Phil 4:8...
DeeDee A verse has just come to mind - Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight...
seekHisface i keep that taped on the desk at church where i work. :)
cwt Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, etc. let you mind dwell on these things
seekHisface yes Dee,,,,i pray that as well.
cwt as you think on those things, it is easier to say those things...the good, pure, praiseworthy, etc
seekHisface I need to more conscious of what I am saying,,,,,before i say it.
cwt God can really help you if you give it over to Him
seekHisface anyway,,,,,sorry,,,,,,didn't mean to monopolize the conversation
cwt too often we give Him control, and then take it right back again
DeeDee I've enjoyed chatting with you all tonight & am sorry to have to sign off, but need to help my mother get ready for bed. Thank you all for the insights
cwt don't worry about that....we all have areas that we struggle with
cwt thanks for joining us DeeDee..
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seekHisface i think that's my problem, cwt,,,,,,,i don't take HIM with me thruout the day,,,,i find it very easy to just run off with the day in my own hands.
cwt we've all been there
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cwt It is learning to take the day one step at a time
cwt and giving Him control over and over again
seekHisface i'm sorry,,,,looks like i must have chased everyone away.
cwt We call that spiritual Breathing
seekHisface did i interrupt a study or something?
cwt don't worry about that at all seeHisface
cwt not at all...we were having a chat on managing anger...
cwt so you see, you fit right in!
seekHisface :)
Shey I'm still here just had to tend to a child
cwt women come and go all the time
cwt coming back to the spiritual breathing though
seekHisface was mimi the 'teacher' or just knowing a lot? ;)
cwt don't know who she was....don't usually get someone giving that many points at once
seekHisface God has His pruning shears after me on this one,,,and i KNOW that i have to get my tongue in line with His will,,,,,,
cwt but maybe she has studied it and felt like she wanted to give us some handles on it
cwt good points though
seekHisface yes they were.
seekHisface have either of you read Secrets of the Vine yet?
cwt no, but I had it recommended to my last week
cwt have you read it?
seekHisface it's a must read!
Shey what's it about
seekHisface yes,,twice within a few days.
seekHisface second time i made notes.
seekHisface it's written by the same guy that wrote "Prayer of Jabez"
seekHisface have you read that one?
cwt just started it today
seekHisface it's a very small book, Shey,,,so it doesn't take long at all to read.
seekHisface Prayer of Jabez is really good,,,,,but personally, I liked Secrets of the Vine better, because its more personal,,,,words of Jesus to us.
cwt Don't get discouraged about dealing with you anger seeHisface.....God by His Holy Spirit can really give you victory in that area as you give it over to Him
cwt As you abide in the vine, He will change you...
seekHisface yes,,,,i must just make more of a point to focus on that specific area of prayer every day,,,,and REALLY give it to Him.
cwt sometimes i have to almost spiritually hyperventilate....you know, breathe out the bad(confess the sin, the anger) and inhale the good(allow the Holy Spirit to control the anger)
seekHisface up until now, it's just been one of those things i pray for/about every now and then.
cwt but eventually God can and does make a difference in that area of our lives
seekHisface yes....i believe that.
cwt That is the exciting thing about the Christian life.....He can and does change us!
seekHisface i'm just not good at patience either. LOL
cwt can I just pray for you?
seekHisface you sure can,,,never pass up the opportunity. ;)
cwt Father, I thank you that seekHisface joined us tonight...I ask that she would allow you by Your Spirit to teach her more in this area about allowing You to shine through her
cwt and not allow the enemy to have any foothold in her life because of her anger
seekHisface yes Lord
cwt thank you that You can and do change us as we allow You to work in our lives, Amen
seekHisface Amen!
seekHisface thank you, cwt.
cwt i am glad you could join us...is this your first time in our chat room?
seekHisface yes it is,,,i was checking out the magazine site,,and saw this.
seekHisface and i love to chat with fellow christians...
cwt come again...we have a moderated chat three times a week(see the scheule below)
seekHisface yes.
seekHisface i will certainly try. I usually have the grandaughter to bed by then. ;)
cwt where are you from?
seekHisface PA
seekHisface you?
cwt I am from Canada, the west coast...three hours different from you
seekHisface yes,,,,and it's after 11:00 now...
seekHisface and my seeking is getting tired. :)
cwt We get women in here from around the world, so it is a great place to come too
seekHisface so,,thanx so much for the support 2nite,,,and i look forward to seeing you again.
cwt Well, we will close for now...we try to keep each session to one your
cwt one hour that is
seekHisface ok....
cwt thanks for joining us...good night!
seekHisface thanx again...God bless.
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