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Subject: Unleasing Silent Struggles
Date: August 23, 2001
Related Article: In Search of
Living with silent struggles can cause an inner stifling and fear that indirectly controls much of our behaviour. Those hurtful struggles don't have to dominate and destroy your inner being. Please join us as we discuss how victory is possible without slandering your character.
- Why do some women struggle in silence?
- What is the danger in suppressing harmful emotions?
- How does one reveal personal struggles and make a move towards getting help?
- Where can one turn to for help?
- Where can one find hope in the midst of struggles?
Participants: cwt, Bernice, CyndeeMom, Iris, eagle, mart, Faith, Sunshine, Shey, boo, Rainbow, Cakelady, Maria, Kat, Janbelt, Northernlighter
Cwt--Today's topic is called Unleashing Silent Struggles
Cwt--We are just ready to begin our discussion on Unleashing Silent Struggles
Cwt--Are any of you new to our discussion format?
CyndeeMom-- I am
Eagle--yes i am
Cwt-- We usually focus on a particular topic and then walk through discussion questions on it.
Cwt-- How did you hear about this chat discussion?
Eagle-- o.k
cwt --We are glad you have joined us
Bernice --cool to have you!
CyndeeMom-- I was just looking up some information discipleship and found this site
Cwt-- Many of us struggle in a wide variety of ways.
Eagle-- i heard about it threw a womens meeting
Cwt-- Our first question is: Why do some women struggle in silence? or ... what keeps us from feeling free to share our anguish and pain?
Faith-- Shame, embarrassment.
Bernice-- fear of rejection and judgement sunshine fear/shame
cwt --I think a key issue is acceptance
eagle --depression
Bernice-- how do you mean cwt? acceptance?
CyndeeMom-- Feeling inadequate.
Cwt-- I think we desperately want to be accepted and so we are afraid to share our pain
Iris2-- I think it goes back to the mother of Jesus! She pondered things in her heart.Kept them inside
Bernice-- it is hard to open up sometimes...
eagle --some dont have any one to talk to
Faith-- True, we worry if people knew who we really were...
CyndeeMom-- I think we always see others as some what higher or wiser than ourselves
cwt --Why Bernice - is it hard to be open
cwt-- We also fear that no one else has the struggles that we do - don't we?
Sunshine-- good point, CyndeeMom
Bernice-- can be painful -- if you have been hurt before -- hard to trust again.
Faith-- Good point.
Eagle-- i find it hard to trust
cwt --We become caloused and shut down emotionally
cwt-- Why is that eagle? Have you been hurt?
Iris2-- I started keeping things inside as a child.
Eagle-- i have been hurt alot
CyndeeMom-- I am always worried that if someone else knew some of the things I struggle with my witness to them might be harmed in some way
Cwt-- Would you be comfortable in this environment sharing what some of those struggles are?
Bernice-- sometimes we don't share because it is easier to avoid dealing with the real issues -- we may not like what we find about ourselves...maybe hate ourselves?
eagle --yes
cwt --that is true Bernice
cwt --Wearing masks has become a fine art - hasn't it?
Eagle-- i do hate my self
Cwt-- It is hard to answer the question - "Who do we feel totally safe with"
Sunshine-- If we don't deal w/ the real issues, sometimes they fester, though.
CyndeeMom-- My pastor reminded me today that these feelings come whenever we take our eyes off God and start looking at those around us, comparing ourselves and such
Cwt-- Eagle, do you know why you have such dislike for yourself
cwt --That is true CyndeeMom
Bernice-- good point sunshine
cwt --That is my next question ... What is the danger in suppressing harmful emotions?
Eagle-- abuse all my life by step father and other men
cwt --Do we even know when they are harmful?
Cwt-- I am so sorry eagle.
Bernice-- that is hard eagle. have you sought help?
eagle --thankyou
CyndeeMom-- I find that I start imagining that others are feeling like me and that I am making them feel that way, therefore I am doing something wrong. It's a viscious cycle
Eagle-- i am now getting some
Shey-- we may start to believe that they are the truth
cwt --The hurts from these issues are so intense
cwt-- My heart aches for these kinds of pain.
Cwt-- "Lord I pray for eagle, Cyndee Mom and Iris - that you would give them strength to deal with these incredible pains ... that you would bring healing.
Faith --If others tell us we are not worthy and mistreat us then we do start to feel like it is somehow our fault.
eagle --yes they are i have 5 kids and a wonderful husband but i still feel this way
CyndeeMom-- eagle, do you ever stop and think about what God sees when He looks at you?
Bernice-- It is true that we often really have too look deep in ourselves to really deal with things - and take the results to God for healing
Cwt-- As we suppress these feelings that we are ugly way down inside - we hurt and it just grows within us.
eagle --yes but i dont know anymore
Faith --Bitterness can take root and spread.
Bernice --Doesn't there eventually, even in the most difficult thing, have to be a place where forgiveness takes place?
Cwt-- How do you deal with these feelings of worthlessness?
Faith --I agree Bernice.
Cwt-- Are you able to attack them head on ... and realize that they are not addressing the truth that you are a lovable person?
Eagle-- i have tried to kill myself 4 times in 1 year
Sunshine-- true, Bernice--yet forgiveness & trust are 2 different things
cwt --Recently?
Eagle-- yes2 m
Cwt-- What interfered with that process?
CyndeeMom --When we become believers Christ's richiousness is imputed to us. God sees us that way. Not the way we try to see ourselves, but truly clean.
Faith-- Trust does have to be re-earned.
Eagle-- my mum
cwt --Trust is not something we easily hand out once we have been hurt.
cwt --It was her husband that abused you?
Eagle-- i know
Eagle-- no not my husband
cwt --No ... your mom's husband - your step dad
Bernice --eagle, it is really important that you get some real help that is close to you. Your pain must be very deep.
Cwt-- I think that when we struggle deep within and have intense pain ... we need to realize the point we cannot handle things alone
Eagle-- yes my mumex sorry
Eagle-- i have no-one
Bernice --do you go to a church or anythiing?
Faith --If we openly express our hurt to God then he can help us to heal.
cwt --That is so true Faith
cwt-- Eagle, do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
Eagle-- i go to church but there allbusy
cwt --You know many who have been victims think that no one cares and that they are alone
Bernice-- that is too bad eagle. Have you no friends?
eagle --`i love the lord
cwt --This is a lie of the enemy who seeks to isolate us and destroy us
eagle-- no i dont
Faith --But we are not alone. When Jesus comes into our lives he changes everything.
Bernice --that is true cwt. Several bible characters felt they were all alone...yet God was there...
cwt --What are some ways that we can reveal our personal struggles .... even when we are believing the lie that no one cares .... and make a move toward help?
Sunshine-- I remember at one time feeling like there was no "safe place" to process hurts...and then God brought those people into my life.
Cwt-- I think it is important to acknowledge that people do care ... and to know that God especially cares.
Bernice-- Sometimes we have to initiate friendships - build them to the point we can share our pain...
cwt --That is so true ...
Faith --God can place people in our lives to help us.
Bernice-- maybe praying for a friend or a mentor is a good place to start....?
Cwt-- He usually does ...
Eagle-- i know god cares but sometimes we need friends
Bernice-- Oh I agree. Absolutely. I am in a new community -- and I desperately need friends...
Cwt-- I find that when I am hurting the most .... and become introverted in my pain -- something that is helpful is to start praying for others.
cwt --When I reach out, it puts a different perspective on my pain. However, I caution that we can do so much of that we are ignoring our pain.
cwt --There really has to be a balance.
Eagle-- mine all left when i got ill
Bernice --are you sick as well eagle?
Eagle-- yes ihave depression @scitsafrenia
Cwt-- What about pain that has been locked up for a lifetime? How does one confront that?
Cwt-- I'm sorry to hear that ...
Faith --We need to admit we are hurting.
Bernice --Well, sounds like you need professional help there eagle.
Eagle-- mim getting it now
Cwt-- It takes skill to know when to get help
Cwt-- How about some of you others ... are there areas you struggle and hurt with ... and would like to get a handle on it?
Bernice-- lifetime secrets are maybe harder to deal with in some ways. We don't always know what is causing the problems
Iris2-- God will help u heal. It hurts, but that how the healing breaks thru the pain
cwt --Insecurities can be a ruling factor for a lifetime ... It can dictate a lot of why we do what we do
Bernice-- but only if you let them rule you. Isn't God in the business of changing us?
eagle --yes after being in a mental hospital you notice alot of things
cwt --The incredible thing is that we can actually become free of that kind of insecurity
cwt-- That we can realize that we are ok in who we are.
Faith-- That is true. But if we know our worth in Christ then it makes all the difference.
cwt --It is good to deal with those barriers that block us.
Rainbow --Sometimes exercise helps
Bernice-- gaining God's persective...
cwt --Good point rainbow
Bernice-- that is true...keep healthy
Cwt-- It is amazing how physical activity can take our mental state and renew our perspective.
Faith-- Sometimes we can become locked in to the problem and not move through.
Cwt-- We can become tired, discouraged and defeated .... and then keep going in cycles.
Iris2-- I found the faster I ran from past hurt, the more God chased after me to deal with it
cwt --Interesting ... did you deal with it?
Eagle-- me to
Faith-- It is a vicious cycle.
Iris2 --Yes Bernice that's true
Iris--God does always have lessons for us even in the pain, our fault or no...
Eagle-- yes but we can over come it together with god
Cwt-- We have a choice ... EVERY time a negative feeling comes our way ... to entertain it, dwell on it and let it take over ... or to allow Christ to take it captive and set us free.
Cwt-- Silent struggles can be very crippling for us ... or we can use them as a staircase to walk out of our pain
Rainbow --I also feel reading the psalms lifts me up
Bernice-- good point rainbow...turning to the Word
cwt --That is true ... Psalms are great
Faith-- Comforting
Maria-- It's hard for me to understand the psalms..
Iris2 --God used a Dr. Dobson interview ot help me let go of past hurts
Bernice-- how so Maria?
sunshine --Praise music can encourage as well--and I even enjoyed Jer/Lamentations this week!
Cakelady-- They can really bring us closer to the Lord, the struggles
Eagle-- yes thats truei call my problems jerichoes i need to take th.0
Maria-- I'm not sure
Cwt-- Is it only the Psalms you have difficulty with - or the entire Bible?
Cakelady-- I love praise music,sunshine eagle sorry david sent my message
Maria-- I just recently started to read the bible
Mart-- Iris2, tell us more about the Dr. Dobson interview
Maria --it's just the psalms so far
cwt --What got you started?
Maria --My house burned down
Bernice-- that's good Maria. Maybe try the New Testament - or stories about Jesus. They are maybe a little easier to understand.
Iris2 --It was on healing of memories
cwt --Oh my, I'm sorry about that!
Faith --I am sorry.
Maria-- many other problems
Bernice --yikes!!! that must be very hard. i can't imagine
Cwt-- So, after your home burned down, you were drawn to the Bible?
Maria-- yes
cwt --Do you understand what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
Cakelady-- Oh, how sad about your home Maria
cwt --Have you accepted Him as your Lord and Savior?
Maria --thank you all
Maria --yes i love him
Bernice-- I'm glad it made you turn to the Bible and not away...!
Iris2-- Im so sorry Maria
Rainbow-- Sometimes if I can't sleep I listen to a station that has Christian music all night long
Cakelady-- yes, you did the right thing
Cwt-- When did you come to know Christ? Prior to your home burning?
Bernice --good idea rainbow. Does it help?
Maria --I think he is the most important thing in my life now Iris2 I do too rainbow
Cwt-- Do you have a home now? Was yours covered by insurance?
Iris2 --That is exciting Maria!
Maria-- I always was curious about him but never really aware
cwt --What made you aware?
Maria --the insuance will not pay
cakelady --Sometimes I think the Lord has a special favor on the baby Christians, Maria. Good for you cakelady-- Oh, thats too bad about the insurance
cwt-- I'm sorry for your pain ....
Maria --but God has been very good to me
Faith-- Did someone help you find Jesus, Maria?
Maria --thank you so much
Cwt-- We can so focus on our hurts and get overwhelmed in them.
cakelady --Yes, so true
Maria-- some friends did
Cakelady-- What blessings they are , Maria
Faith-- That is awesome!
cwt --Then .... as we turn our eyes to Christ, He gives us everything we need. This can sound like a pat answer, but His way of giving us things often begins with peace.
Bernice-- welcome to God's family Maria!
Maria --your right about that
Iris2-- If we look hard enough we can find the blessing in the thorn!!
cakelady --I agree, Iris2
cwt-- If we have peace in our hearts .... then we feel we can allow Jesus to hold our hand to walk us through the tough days.
Maria-- thank you again bernice
Faith-- That is so true. We have peace with God through Jesus.
Maria --and everyone
Bernice --it is hard. but with the thorn there can be roses too...
cwt --When things get really hard, I literally visualize myself laying my burdens at Jesus' feet ... and sometimes I even write out those things.
Iris2 --Amen
Maria-- so true
Maria-- amen
cakelady --Awesome
Maria-- this is a great room
cwt --I say "Lord please take these pains and deal with them" and then I need to trust Him that He will deal with those things.
Faith --It is giving control over to God. We often want to run things ourselves and then are defeated.
Cakelady-- Well, you're our family, Maria
Iris2 --yes it is
Cwt-- I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Bible story of Jesus when Peter walked on the water to Him.
cakelady --yes
Bernice-- I think we need to also ask for God to open our eyes to whatever lesson is involved in the pain...grow us.
Iris2-- yes
Faith --yes
Maria --yes i'm familar with it too
cwt --Well, Peter got out of the boat .... he needed to lift his eyes up to Jesus and take each step. Jesus did not do that for him ... but as long as he walked, Jesus helped him to walk on the water.
Cakelady-- Amen
cwt --That is our responsibility .... is to put just one foot in front of the other .... even in the most impossible situations.
Bernice --"Do not be weary in well doing..."
cwt --Then .. Jesus will do the impossible and keep us afloat.
Maria --you woman are wonderful
cakelady --That's right
Iris2 --we can help each other take those steps
Maria --thank you
Rainbow --Keep your eyes on Jesus.
Maria-- you are right
cwt --Lord I come to you .. I pray for Maria - that you will meet her needs and provide everything that she and her family need. All those things that were lost in the fire - that you would in your own way return them in the way only you can.
cwt --Iris ... you are right ... we can help one another walk and hold hands when the time is right.
Cakelady-- He's a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path
cwt --We can pray for each other and help each other.
Bernice-- yes. Lord. Help her understand her new life with you. give her peace in this time of great loss.
Cwt-- Are you familiar with the Spirit-filled life Maria?
Maria-- lord bless these beautiful woman of there heats and there souls
Iris2 --Bless her and her family Lord may they feel how very near to them u
Faith --Can you explain cwt?
cwt --Maria just shared how her home burned and she has no insurance
kat --oh man, I am sooo sorry
cwt-- That is tough
Maria --thank you kat
Cwt-- We all have areas we struggle with ..... and try to cope with those inner pains.
kat --I will remember you in my own devotions
cwt --There is a time we need to go for help .... and also a time to help each other.
kat --yes, that is true
Maria-- i will also remeber you kat
Kat-- :)
Cwt-- I was just about to explain how we can receive further help from the Lord as we live a spirit-filled life
Kat--ok
Maria --remember i can't type tonight
Cwt-- As believers, we can be defeated ... and not have the power source to keep going. I don't know if any of you have experienced that
Cwt-- I have!
Faith --Me too!
Cakelady-- oh, yea
Maria-- i have too
Kat-- amen
cwt --When I feel like I don't have that energy, I realize that something in my life is blocking my relationship.
Iris2 --Me too
Cwt-- This is usually sin! cwt I pray that God would show me what it is .. and He usually does. I confess that sin.
Iris2 --Satan is the father of lies!
cwt --That is referred to as Exhaling - I get rid of the impure.
Maria-- it's usally that negative person down there
Cwt-- I confess the sin in my life ... and then I INHALE the pure ... and allow the Holy Spirit to take over and empower my life. This is done by faith.
Maria --how do you get rid of it cwt?
cwt --Simply ... I confess ... and then I ask the Holy Spirit to take over.
Cwt-- Do you mean the sin?
Maria --thanks
Maria --yes
cwt --"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
kat --amen
Maria-- amen
Cwt-- I pray "Lord Jesus, I confess my sin, I ask you to take control of my life and to live in my heart" He does this. It is that simple!
Maria --good because i was a chief sinner
cwt --We never need to ask Jesus to come into our heart more than once kat we all have fallen :)
Bernice-- it must be a moment by moment thing - because I sure sin alot...?
Maria-- i know thats why this has happened to me
Faith-- Satan is the liar but I think we have to be careful about blaming him for everything. Sometimes we just make mistakes and bad choices.
cwt--- Have you prayed that prayer and asked Jesus to come into your heart Maria?
Rainbow-- Surrender to God,and say your will, not mine, be done.
cwt --There are two things we must do to become a believer ... 1 is to confess our sin and 2. is to ask Jesus to come into our life.
Maria --yes i have cwt
Cwt-- It is unbelievable that He offers us salvation so simply.
Bernice-- it is a choice to surrender, true rainbow
Maria-- thats true
Iris2-- Oh praise Jesus ,He is so good
Kat-- it is truly a gift, for just the asking
cwt --Then why do you feel you are still a chief sinner
cwt-- So, once we have asked Christ in our life, we may continue to sin.
cakelady You are a new creature in Christ Jesus
Maria-- I was and i feel i must still admit it
cwt --We confess this sin as the Holy Spirit reveals it to us.
Kat-- the Holy spirit has to do a work in us and begin to show us our sins..then He will help us turn around
cwt --We must believe that our sins are cast away for eternity.
Cakelady-- Amen, Kat
Bernice --sometimes confession and forsaking is involved...
Maria-- i am careful not to sin anymore
kat --the Lord says when we confess He throws our sins far away and remembers them no more
cwt --Maria .... it is impossible to not sin anymore on our own efforts
Faith-- Sometimes we may even know what the sin is and just be trying to hide it from God. But that is silly because he sees everything and knows about it.
kat --amen cwt
Bernice-- if we do sin - we have an advocate with the Father----
kat --we try to do things on our own power..we cannot
Maria-- amen
Maria-- i agree with u all
Cwt-- But, with Christ living in and through us .... He forgives our sin and gives us the power to live a victorious life.
Kat-- He gives us grace
Kat-- unmarited favor
kat --amen
cwt-- I like to think of living the Christian life as driving a car. Once we accept Christ, He comes into the car. Then, before we know it, we are in the driver seat doing our own thing and going our own way.
Faith-- It is like new cars in the car lot. On the outside they all look the same but if there is no gas they don't run.
Cwt-- That is true
cwt --We are still believers, because Christ is in the car
Maria-- very true
cwt --However, if we allow Christ to drive the car, our ride will be so much more effective.
Faith --When we are filled with the Holy Spirit that is what gives us a whole new power.
cwt --The process of allowing Him to drive is confessing our sin ..... and asking the holy spirit to fill us and strengthen us. He is willing and able to do that!
Kat-- amen Maria amen
Cwt-- I encourage all of you ... as you all deal with various pains and struggles to give them over to Christ. Cwt-- But also, to share them with one another
Maria-- i feel a great love for him
kat --He paid a dear price to drive that car for us, didn't He?
Maria-- yes he did indeed
cwt --As we carry each others burdens .... we make the load so much lighter for each other and God is honored by that.
Iris2 --When u open yourself up to the Holy Spirit,He will guide your ways
Cakelady-- Yes, the great counselor
Iris2-- amen
kat --He is the great eveything :)
cakelady-- Amen
Maria --how do u all feel about prayer?
Iris2 --Praise Jesus!!!
Kat-- I love to pray
kat --I love to praise
cakelady-- love it
kat-- and worship
Rainbow --sso do I
Cwt-- Prayer is amazing .... without prayer I don't know how to express our hearts to God
Iris2--It is the center of my being
Maria-- i sometimes think im asking for the same thing too much
cakelady --Absolutely
cwt --How do you feel about prayer Maria
cwt --When you feel like that - praise God and worship Him in your prayer!
kat --amen Maria i will do that
cwt --As we thank him and worship Him, we no longer feel like we are coming to him with a wish list
Maria-- i feel so much guilt how do get rid of it
Kat-- sometimes when I need to pray about something but don't know the words to say, I love the way the Holy spirit takes over and helps me
Cwt-- Release your pain to Christ! Understand that He has forgiven you completely!
Kat-- I have dealt alot with the spirit of guilt
Iris2-- Leave it at the foot of the cross
Kat-- it took me yrs to get rid of it
Janbelt-- The value of persistance
kat --the lord had to reveal the root of it to me..that was the first step
cakelady --Sounds like a healing, kat
cwt--Every time the guilt comes let the enemy know "Satan, Get behind me. I am forgiven and you cannot throw this at me" And then praise the Lord verbally. Satan will run!
Maria-- i feel that i have ignored him for years and just because i'm in need i find him that hurts me.
Kat-- yea..I keep trying to leave it at the feet of the Lord, but somethings have to be rooted up first
Iris2-- we hang on to that baggage, and Jesus wants us to let it go
Maria-- true kat
kat --but He wants you to come to Him maria..even if it is out of pure need
sunshine --Yet, He used those needs to bring you to Himself, Maria--isn't God good.
cakelady --The enemy likes to bring back old garbage
cwt-- He really does!
cakelady --But he's a liar
Iris2 --amen cakelady We are forgiven
Maria-- yee he is great and awsome
Maria-- amen
janbelt --Bruce WIlkinson in his book Secrets of the Vine tells of an ancient vineyard high above the Rhine River in Germany. People wondered how the vines could grow in such a hostile environment. The roots of the ancient plants were traced to the river far below. That is the value of intimate prayer with our Lord
Maria --amen janbelt
Cwt-- I can't believe an hour has flown by so quickly. I would like to pray and then if you want to continue the discussion you are welcome to.
Iris2 --WOW
Maria-- god has come to me and i have felt him
Cwt-- Lord I thank you so much for this time together .... I pray for each woman and the incredible pains that have been shared tonight. There are also many hurts that have not been expressed. You know those pains.
Iris2-- thank you Jesus!!
Janbelt-- Hold us Jesus and give us the courage to continue to say YES to You
Cwt-- I pray God that you would minister to each and every woman ... draw them to you. I pray that they would put you in the driver seat of the car and allow the Holy Spirit to direct their lives.
Faith-- Father, thank you so much for each of the ladies here. Thank you for helping everyone be forthcoming and we pray these hurts will be healed. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Iris2-- Helpus to know that you are our anchor Lord
cwt --Thank you all for being a part of this discussion .... it has been challenging. Please write us at Women Today and share your hurts with us.
cwt --Just below the chat box it says "do you have concerns or comments" feel free to write us there and we will personally get back to you. We have women who want to encourage and pray for you.
