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Subject: How To Parent Great Kids
Date: August 16, 2001
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The power of our adult influence on the kids in our lives is phenomenal. How do we take the platform of being a significant adult in a young person’s life and use that to the advantage of making a powerful impact? Please join us as we discuss techniques of parenting great kids. Even if you don’t have your own children, you may be in a position where you have influence and can make a difference in someone’s life forever.
- What is important in parenting great kids?
- How does one equip kids with basic values needed for life?
- How can we teach our kids about failure?
- How can we help our kids to develop good work habits?
- What are some ways we can nurture the spiritual life of our kids?
- How can we practically show our kids love each day?
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cwt Let's open in a word of prayer....
Melody Oh, yes definately
Faith I have been noticing an increase after 9:00 p.m. Mountain.
cwt Dear Lord thank you for today. Thank you that you know our hearts and you love us. Help us as we talk about some parenting issues today. Amen
Faith Amen
Melody Amen
cwt I know. I wish there were a way to get more ladies in the daytime....that's why I asked if the time worked for you Melody
Melody Yes, its hard to talk in the evening because so many want to talk at once
cwt evenings can just be hopping! very fun...! We've had some good sessions in the day too...
Faith I agree.
cwt that's true also Melody.
Melody yes, i believe that
cwt Well, our topic is about parenting today. So I guess, I'll tell you, I have 3 children. 10, 8 & 4...how about you two?
Faith Three children. Two boys and one girl. Ages 14, 11 and 9.
cwt boy, close in age then faith
Melody I have two children, both girls, l6, l9
cwt ah...you've almost survived the teen years!
cwt good for you!
Melody almost, but there are a few surpirise
Faith I am sorry Melody. I have mixed you up with another Melody that I was talking with last night!
Melody surprises
Melody oh, no i wasnt here last night
cwt life and kids is always full of surprises I find!
Faith You must have wondered why on earth I asked if you were feeling better today!
Melody so true
cwt What do you think is important in parenting great kids?
Faith I think it is important to teach them the lessons we have learned in life.
Melody oh, I didnt realize that question was for me anyway, so no problem
Melody yes, but sometimes they want to learn their own way
cwt yes. They seem to love hearing our stories over and over
Melody I give the example
Melody oh, that is true
Faith Very true.
cwt It seems that listening is really important at any age. That can be hard when you have a real talker
Faith Children do follow by the example set by their parents.
Melody Yes, I have one that talks and one that is more quiet
cwt so true Faith.
Melody Both very different from each other
cwt How do you handle it if you have set a bad example?
cwt children learn more from our example than what we say.
Melody ooh, thats hard and humbling
Faith I think we need to point out to the children what we did wrong and also what was successful.
Melody Yes, I agree
cwt it is. especially when we have a difficult habit that we see them catching. say being impatient.
Melody Let them know that we are human
cwt that is very true meolody. We have to let them know that we make mistakes.
Faith Very often the traits we don't like about ourselves are the ones that start showing up in our children.
cwt The Bible puts it "we are ALL God's workmanship"
Melody "I'm sorry" is very important for them to understand
Faith Absolutely
Melody yes, capable of making mistakes
cwt Those are hard, Faith. We often are forced to acknowledge our own weaknesses
Melody When they see us pray about things it brings it across to them to do the same
Faith So true
cwt It is so true. Prayer is very important
Melody That success comes through prayer
Faith I believe that.
Melody When they are small they rely on our faith
Melody We pray them through situations
Faith I am new to my faith so the children are only now starting to see me rely on God.
Melody In time they pick up the ball and do it too but still want mom's prayers
Melody That's ok, they will see the difference in prayer
Faith Good points Melody.
Melody God really answers the prayers of praying moms
Faith cwt had to leave for a minute. Said she would be right back.
Melody It's awesome to interceede for them as they go to school
Melody ok
Faith I agree with that.
Melody The Lord has allowed me to pray many times as they go off to school with a problem
Faith There is a book called the power of a praying parent.
Melody So wonderful to see the answer come and watch them recoziae it was God
Faith We are just discussing the question, how does one equip kids with the basic values needed for life?
waldo what's up today?
Melody I dont know what I'd do with the assurance of prayer
Faith Do you have children waldo?
waldo We have a doorknob hanger that we put a new item each week to pray about....they have done it for 4 wkds
waldo i have 3 kids....8,7 and 4
Faith Wow, that is sure a neat idea.
waldo they love it...they pray for simple things and more complex stuff like the USA
cwt sorry, I had to go for a minute
Melody yes, cool idea
waldo we are in Canada
Faith That is okay. We are just discussing the second question.
cwt What do you mean Melody - re prayer?
waldo i am also a firm believer that we are to talk to them as adults...not adult infor. but to give them credit to know the Truth
cwt sorry, things seem to be acting up here...on the computer
Melody sorry, whats the question?
cwt You said you have a hard time with the assurance of prayer?
Melody No, I said that I dont know what I'd do if i didnt have the assurance of prayer as my children went off to school
waldo my daughter was 4 and on the way to school she decided she needed to give her heart to jesus....and at 5 she was baptized in water....she's going great
cwt ah. sorry, caught the middle of that sentance
Melody Its a blessing to know they are covered. no problem
Faith That is awesome waldo.
cwt yes. that is so true. We don't know how muchprayer really does!
Melody It's so powerful
cwt sorry I misunderstood you melody
waldo she has spoken out in class about things that we don't believe....she's a great example to me
Faith Sometimes God answers prayer quickly. Other times he seems to say no or not just yet.
Melody Thats ok, didnt think anything of it
Melody I think thats true, Faith
Faith She is a wonderful witness.
cwt In giving kids basic values, I think we have to be really purposefull about it
cwt it doesn't happen by osmosis (sp?)
waldo Yes...but a no or not yet is an answer...it's probably not the one we want to hear but he did do as we asked
Faith I think you are right there cwt.
Melody That's also true
cwt What kinds of values should we pass on to our kids?
waldo It's great that he doesn't always do as we ask....we'd probably miss out on alot of blessings
Faith True
cwt true. even in trial there can be blessing
waldo The ultimate truth....Jesus is a friend and wants to be their saviour
cwt for sure
waldo That we are to be kind, to share our faith, treat people with respect and love everyone
Melody That we have a good God who is always there for us. Only a whisper away
cwt good character things...honesty, integrity, purity
Faith Yes
Melody yes
Melody Love one another
cwt Focus on the Family has some excellent material on making family devotions both purposeful and fun
Faith I want my children to learn the right values. And practice them all the time. Not just when they think I might not see something.
cwt yes. teaching them that God always sees and knows is very important
Melody I'm trying to give a good example to my teens because I'm about to make some big decisions
cwt that is really integrity
Faith Yes
Joy Right Faith "Integrity."
cwt being the same, no matter what...or who is looking
Faith Absolutely
cwt I recently read a book "Shepherding your child"
waldo One thing i have seen so often is this....parents who say one thing and do another...they live by example
Faith What did the book talk about?
cwt it is the concept of looking at heart issues, not just behavior
Faith Who wrote the book cwt?
cwt forces you to look deeper into their lives, as well as your own. What attitude is making me behave this way
waldo Are you believers in TOUGH LOVE?
cwt Sorry, can't recall at the moment...
cwt It is a recent book tho.
Faith It sounds like a great book.
cwt Tough love as by James Dobson?
waldo Yes, I believe that tough love comes into play into forming great kids
cwt it is really excellent. We've made some changes in our home because of it
Melody Sorry need to run, girls
waldo Not a book but the form of tough loving our children
cwt There is a book titled the same. very good
cwt Maybe tell us what you mean waldo
waldo I believe in it firmly but my husband doesn't understand it...
Faith I think children do need to learn to respect their parents. And some behaviors should definitely not be tolerated.
cwt I agree. respect has to be mutual too. We respect them by listening I think
Faith Great point!
cwt and loving them without reservation
cwt it is so easy to adopt "not seen, not heard" with our kids sometimes.
Maria Is anyone here the parent of a teenager?
waldo My brotherinlaw is an alcoholic....but instead of being firm in their stand...my inlaws just love him instead of speaking in truth to his lifestyle What have they got to loose if they speak up? Tough Love him and take a risk
Faith And that I don't agree with. Children need direction.
cwt melody that just left had teens. I think Joy does?
Faith I think too many children today are left to their own devices.
waldo exactly....speaking in love can only conquer the disrepect isssues, etc.
Reese Been there, done that, but now have grandchildren.
Faith Oh, well you will have another perspective to add to the discussion.
cwt Tough love certainly has a place...more like letting the full cource of nature and results take course
waldo i am in the beginning stages.....grandparenting is much more fun...spoil them and give them back, right?
Faith LOL
cwt experiencing "natural consequence" can be healthy sometimes.
Reese No, but that is a cute thought.
Faith Very true. Sometimes as parents we want to rush in and fix everything instead of letting them learn for themselves.
cwt LOL! I've heard that one...."I should have been a grandparent first. It's more fun"
Reese We need even more as grandparents to be careful and respect our children's privilege as parents to parent them.
Joy Yes Reese.
cwt grandparenting has its own challenges right?
waldo one thing that i have found here in our situation is that my parents generation kept their emotions hidden....we have chosen otherwise with our children,,,,emotions are NOT a sign of weakness
waldo i have cried, laughed, etc., etc. in front of my kids...my mom would never have done that
cwt yes. true waldo. It can be very helpful in a marriage to take a look at how each of you were parented, and how you will parent
Reese You are right waldo. But as with God there is a balance to everything, even parenting and grandparenting!
cwt How important is it to not "fight" in front of your kids, and how do you handle that?
Faith Very often, we think we won't parent the way we were brought up but then find ourselves repeating the same things.
cwt what values do you pass/no pass on when you struggle in your marriage?
Reese Well, it depends on the situation at hand.
waldo I had an incident with my motherinlaw which involved "emotions" and she has spoken to me since...it's been about 1 month
cwt It isn't like you can always go to a locked room adn discuss things...
Faith Good question cwt.
Reese That is true cwt.
cwt that's hard waldo
Reese Values are very important, but the values of God are the most important ones to use.
waldo she has now scraped it out with my sisterinlaw.....how do you confront someone who doesn't believe that she has done anything wrong?
cwt For us the key has been letting the kids also see us resolve the situation "not letting the sun go down"
Reese Pray for them waldo. It is the only answer in the beginning!
cwt very true reece
waldo my daughters birthday is this weekend and she's coming....we are already worked up about her being here
Faith Can we pray for you waldo?
cwt God has a way of getting his own message across when someone needs it. And he does a better job then we can do
waldo we have both tried to love her unconditionally...she won't listen to us....we can most certainly pray
cwt but sometimes He does what to use us....Yes, can we pray for you waldo?
cwt Lord, we pray for waldo. Please give her the love and grace she needs in a difficult situation.
Faith Father, We pray for waldo and her difficult family circumstances. Strengthen her Lord and give her the wisdom she needs in this situation. In Jesus' name, Amen
cwt Help her know when to deal with the situation in a right way and attitude
cwt We ask you to resolve it
Faith Are you new to the chat 1a?
Reese Lord, we all know how it feels in families when things do no go the way we want it to.
Reese Help us have the grace and wisdom from you to know how to handle this situation in waldo's life
cwt yes lord
cwt How can we teach our kids about failure?
waldo WISDOM? I need a MIRACLE!!!!! (tee!hee!)thank you for praying...it's thoughtful and appreciated
Reese Help waldo to trust you 100% with it no matter what she sees physically.
Faith I think we can't hide things we have done in the past from our children. They will always come to light eventually. We just have to point out where we went wrong.
cwt God can do amazing things...!
Reese We can share with them that it is something we can learn from and try not to repeat.
Faith But also show the children the things we did that were a success.
cwt yes. forwarned can be forarmed...
cwt good point faith
Reese We all need to be truthful and real with our kids no matter whether or not
cwt I think perserverance is a good thing to teach children also. Get up and try again
Reese they are children or grandkids
waldo failure? kids will learn that in just about everything....encourage them that it's most important to do their BEST not to be a PERFECTIONIST...striving for perfection can be very damaging
Faith Good point
Reese But, we also need to be wise and use God's discernment.
cwt very good point
Faith Yes, we do need to trust God.
cwt encouragement is very important
cwt There are different kinds of failure too. God doesn't view failure the same as the world does
Reese Our children are gifts from God. What we do with the gift depends on us.
1a yes teach them to get up and try again.
waldo ladies...i gotta run.....encouragement is vital and i have always said to consider the source of criticism or whatever
waldo if someone can't sing and they tell you that you can't....consider the source!
Reese I agree waldo.
cwt Moral failure is different than just failing at a math test. The training has to be different for each "failure"
Reese As a grandmother, I want you all to know that sometimes it can be just as hard, because we have less say in their lives than when we are parents.
Joy Yes Reese.
Reese But, we have the wisdom they do not have.
Faith I see what you mean.
Reese So, they do come to us when it is needed.
cwt I can see that Reece. Sometimes it must be hard, for you may want to speak to your child about an issue that you see in their parenting...pretty tough
Reese Yes, it is, but we learn as we progress in life.
Reese I have learned much.
cwt I think prayer is probably key there too. I know my Mom prays for us, so then I find it a little easier to approach her when it is hard
Reese And, I thank my God continually for it.
cwt gray hair comes with a price...a worthy one
Faith I was talking to a lady the other day who is a grandmother and she was experiencing this same thing. She told me she prays a lot that her son will bring up her grandchild the way he should be.
cwt What are some practical ways we can nurture the spiritual life of our children or even grandchildren?
Faith Pray for them, show them how to pray and read the Bible.
cwt talk to them about things we've learned about God
cwt or lessons we've learned from God
1a send them to sunday schol and church.
cwt praying with them, so they experience answers to prayer and see God move
Joy Yes, I pray with my grandkids.
cwt yes. That is always a good example
1a sorry for the mistake in the spelling
Faith Not to worry. We all have typos!
cwt what kind of role does the Holy spirit have in all of these areas? (thats ok 1a. we all do thet
Faith The Holy Spirit is what helps us train and bring the children up in the ways of the Lord.
cwt the Holy spirit helps us when we have to say sorry, I was wrong
Reese Nurturing comes in many ways.
Reese Through touch, words, actions, and especially prayer!
cwt that is so true Reese!
Faith He convicts us of our own sin and wrong ways.
Reese But, it needs to be as positive a possible
cwt I 've heard that we should lovingly touch our children 10-12 times a day
1a so true reese.
cwt Have you heard of the concept of spiritual breathing
cwt ?
Reese A little.
Reese Please enlighten us.
Faith Yes, but perhaps you could explain.
cwt It is a neat way to think about giving the Holy Spirit more control in our lives
cwt In parenting, I think it involves our breathing out of "impatience" anger or bad attitudes with our children
Reese How can that happen by what you are sharing.
cwt and breathing in thepower of the Holy Spirit to deal with them in a way that honors God.
Reese Oh, I see. We need to do the opposite.
cwt that's right. For me, I'm beginning to see that it is a step by step, second by second thing
Reese Patience for impatience, and good attitudes for bad ones.
Reese That is awesome to take in.
cwt breathe out the sin, breath in the good....
Joy That's good.
Faith Yes, so when we are breathing out our sin, we really are agreeing with God concerning our sin and thanking him for his forgiveness.
cwt yes. Pretty powerful. I think it is a life long process of understanding how the Holy Spirit really wants to work in our lives in a moment by moment basis
Reese I sort of learned how to change my thinking through self-talk methods.
Reese We r programmed when we are growing up to think
Reese a certain way etc.
Reese We have to reprogram
cwt yes. but the difference is that you change in the power of God, rathe r than just your own power
Reese our minds to think different so that we can act differnt
cwt That is a biblcal concept "renewing your mind"
Reese I understand that.
cwt We do have to change the way we think so often
Reese That is very important.
Reese But, I think we have to incorporate both so that,
Reese we are teachable to the Holy Spirit
cwt that is an area where grandparents can really help too. Just to know that you have gone through some of the same thought patterns
Reese who will lead us and guide us into His Truth
Reese Yes,
Reese and be available if asked to help
Faith I find when I am truly, walking in the spirit then I do have a whole new power to think differently. I see things differently. It is the Holy Spirit working through me.
Reese But only if asked!
cwt yes. it is so true faith. Here too...
Reese yes Faith!
cwt Let's closein prayer, but all are welcome to stay and chat
Reese Ok
Reese Lord, we come before you here this day
cwt Lord Jesus, we thank you for leaving the Holy Spirit as our helper and comforter. In parenting, I am especially thankful ! You are so awesome and we praise you. Help us Lord to rely on you to renew our minds today.
Reese to thank you for our children and grandchildren.
Faith Heavenly Father, Thank you so much for guiding our discussion. We are grateful for every lady here today. Help us to remember what we have learned today and apply it to our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen
Reese Amen.
Faith I must go ladies. Thanks so much for chatting. This has been an encouragement.
cwt amen
cwt Thanks for coming everyone!
