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Subject: The Powerful Influence of A Mom
Date: May 9, 2001
RELATED ARTICLE: There is Hope for Your Marriage: The Powerful Influence of A Mom
Whether your mother loved and embraced you or was hurtful and devastating,
she impacted your inner being in a way that no one else can ever touch. When
the day comes for you to be a mom, you will be influenced by those very
things your mother may have done or not done. Please join us as we discuss
the impact our mothers have left on our lives and how we can forgive, let go
and move forward to truly pass on the legacy that God intended.
1 What type of influence can a mother have on her family?
2 What impact does a mother have on the spiritual temperature of a home?
3 If the influences are negative, how does one grow beyond a stagnated
relationship with their mother?
4 How does time change our relationship with our mothers?
5 As mothers, what are some important values to pass on to the next
generation?
6 What are some creative ways to celebrate Mother's Day
cwt
let's pray
cwt
Lord we ask you to guide our conversation, we ask that you will be honored in everything that goes into this room, guide
our thoughts and speak to our hearts, amen
Laurie
Amen
Bernice
amen
cwt
this is a great topic of The Powerful Influence Of A Mom
cwt
what type of influence can amother have on her family?
Bernice
I'm sure Moms have lots of influences. some good, some bad
cwt
yes, I think many women underestimate the influence we have on our kids and husbands
Laurie
As mothers we really do set the tone for the entire family. I find if I am grumpy it really influences everyone else
negatively.
Bernice
I think the whole spirit of a home rests on the mom...
Bernice
great minds think alike eh Laurie....LOL. We both said the same thing...!
cwt
in fact when you think about it, it can be quite frightening because we do set the thermometer of the home atmosphere
cwt
yes, we are all on the same wavelength!
Bernice
I'm finding that hard right now with our move...!
Laurie
I think good mothers are the backbone of any home.
cwt
I bet, under such pressure, the patience runs thin
Laurie
Isn't that the truth.
Bernice
very....and communication is hard too.
cwt
how about the spiritual influence, how does a mom influence her family?
Bernice
How did your Moms handle pressure?
cwt
my mother would get silent when she was under pressure when we were young
Laurie
My mom was also silent under pressure.
cwt
that didn't teach me the right tactics to deal with pressure
Bernice
I think my Mom did two things - she prayed a lot - and sometimes she yelled at us - or preached...
cwt
it could be the generation they were from
cwt
that is great that she resorted to prayer and that you knew that
cwt
preaching is sometimes necessary!!
Laurie
I grew up with my mom and my grandparents. My grandmother tended to preach but looking back on it she taught me a
lot of good lessons.
Bernice
We used to say she had an inbuilt congregation!
cwt
although not always effective when we are under pressure!
cwt
lol
Bernice
yeah. Sometimes warmth and sympathy is more in order...
cwt
yes, for sure, but it is the harder response
cwt
my family wasn't too high in the sympathic end of things
Laurie
So true. My mom could be quite cold, but that is just her nature. She is getting a lot better now.
Bernice
I think you have to think about it more - make a choice.
cwt
yes, the Christian life is all about decision making isn't it?
Bernice
My family was very warm - but the conversations were very loud sometimes. Just lay all the cards the table...
Bernice
Not necessarily a bad spiritual influence.
cwt
so interesting to hear these different family scenarios
cwt
are you like your moms?
cwt
do you do things the same way?
Bernice
it kept the communication very open - even when it hurt - and yes, I'm a lot like my mom. I even preach! LOL!
Laurie
I think some traits are similar but I am much warmer with my children than my mother ever was with me. I do find
myself preaching a lot to my kids like my grandmother did with me.
Bernice
I'm even like her in some of the things I wish I could change...
cwt
I find myself seeing so many mannerisms like I remember my mom doing, it is funny, and I have to catch myself in the
things I said I would never do, one is being quite negative,
Bernice
Someone said that we should touch our kids 10 to 12 times a day. That's the 'warmth' thing...
cwt
it is hard to change our ways, we need the Lord to change our hearts first
Bernice
It is hard sometimes to acknowledge that you even need to change...
Laurie
So true.
cwt
yes, good point, I didn't come from a touchy family so it is hard to become more affectionate, it takes a conscious effort
cwt
have your kids every noticed that you are like your mothers?
Bernice
We hugged a lot. Still do. In our own home also...
cwt
that is great
Bernice
Just moved close to home now - so it may happen. I don't know. My Mom is real opinionated - so that is a little hard.
Laurie
My husband comes from a touch family and I did need to learn to be more affectionate with him, but for some reason I
have always been affectionate with the children.
cwt
that is great Laurie
cwt
how is your relationship with your moms now?
Bernice
that's true that we sometimes don't realize the affection our husbands need.
cwt
yes!
Bernice
mine is pretty good. Daughters sometimes closer than sons maybe
Laurie
I have been much better with my mom now that the Lord has changed my heart.
Bernice
I'm glad, Laurie. That is special
Laurie
I was angry at her for a long time. Now it is much different.
cwt
it does seem to go that way, daughters seem to work on the relationship with their moms more than sons
Bernice
Did you find yourself a little bitter too?
Laurie
I never treated her badly, but inside I was angry with her and bitter.
cwt
so what happened to cause the anger Laurie?
Laurie
She lied to me.
Bernice
that's hard. You didn't trust her then...
cwt
that is hurtful, has she ever apologized?
Laurie
It was a huge lie she told and then she was found out.
Bernice
how old were you?
cwt
that would be very difficult on a relationship
Laurie
Not really. But she did say she did what she thought was best at the time.
Bernice
Really undermines any relationship - dishonesty
cwt
it would have been difficult for her too, you wonder what her reasons were to lie, in her mind they were maybe
rationalized
cwt
it truly does
Laurie
She told me my father was someone he wasn't. When I was 15 she told me who he was then told me he wanted
nothing to do with me.
cwt
it takes a long time to earn back trust
Bernice
ouch
cwt
oh that must have been devastating!
Laurie
In 1997 I found my dad and he knew nothing about me! She told me he had rejected me and that simply was not the
case.
cwt
and at that tender adolescent age, things are all magnified
Bernice
Wow. That must have really hurt.
Bernice
Have you done something different as a mom as a result of that?
cwt
she probably was trying to protect you in her own way, but so wrong
Laurie
It did hurt because we can never back those lost years.
cwt
for sure
Laurie
She was trying to protect herself because the whole thing was such a disgrace back in those days.
Bernice
yes. that is true
cwt
yes, it would have been a different social reaction
cwt
but still so unfair for you
cwt
did she ever marry
Laurie
She was married and the marriage was annulled. Years later she had me.
Laurie
She told me the husband she was married to was my dad.
cwt
that is so sad, so what is your relationship like now?
Bernice
My Mom got pregnant out of wedlock too. She was 17. That influenced us all a lot...
cwt
yes, it would be something difficult to work through
Laurie
We get along very well because I have forgiven her. She did what she thought was best even if it was wrong.
cwt
that is a great ending to your story, forgiveness brings such freedom!
Bernice
well - not one of us got pregnant out of wedlock - that's for sure...! We got that message preached a lot...LOL
cwt
for sure!
cwt
but one of our daughters could make the same mistake, and how would we handle it?
cwt
where does grace fit in?
Laurie
It is freedom not to hang on to any of this. I can honestly say since January I have not felt bitter anymore.
Bernice
good question. I've thought about that. I think forgiveness plays a big part. You always have to be able to love
cwt
my daughter is just about 20 and already two of her youth group girlfriends have had babies out of wedlock
Bernice
I'm glad Laurie.
Bernice
Daughters need to be warned of the dangers.
cwt
grace, and unconditional love, just like the Lord gives us
Laurie
I would still love her and I am not sure how I would respond.
cwt
is she a Christian?
Bernice
I know I would be very sad - but my daughter is only 8...
cwt
yes, they do grow up so fast though
Laurie
None of my children are Christians. They are 14, 11 and 9. My husband is not a believer either.
cwt
we can pray for them, would you like us to do that right now?
Bernice
Perhaps preventative medicine is good to do. James Dobson has that Life on the Edge stuff - purity until marriage...
Laurie
Yes. Thank you.
cwt
Lord we ask that you would work in the lives of Laurie
Bernice
Help Laurie to be a glowing light in her world
cwt
family and that you would soften their hearts towards you, may her example be a light to show them the way, in Jesus
name amen
Bernice
amen
cwt
our influence as Christian mom's is huge in a family
Laurie
So true. I know my family sees the changes in me.
cwt
the Bible says that the husband is the head of the home, but that does not negate the fact that we have incredible
influence
Bernice
yes.
cwt
by praying for our kids and husbands we are reaching the mind of our creator!
Bernice
There are some very good biblical examples of Moms who had great influence...
Laurie
I have started reading the book: "The Power of a Praying Wife". It is really good!
Bernice
Do you think God has a special heart for Moms?
cwt
that is a fantastic book!
cwt
she has also written others, praying for your kids etc, her biography is great too
cwt
yes, He created us to be nurturers in His image I think, what do you think?
Laurie
I find since I have been praying for my husband he does seem to be softening, but he still won't commit to anything.
Sometimes he will go to church which is a start.
cwt
He cares for us like small children
Bernice
Just that God doesn't use the pictures of mothering very much in the scriptures...
cwt
that is great Laurie, keep praying because it is the Holy Spirit that does the work, not us
Laurie
So true.
cwt
God can do amazing things, He is in the business of changing lives!
cwt
has he ever watched the Jesus video?
cwt
or your kids?
Laurie
No.
Bernice
It is a very good video
Laurie
We do have a Jesus of Nazareth video. Unfortunately, I am the only one who has watched it.
cwt
that is probably available from your church, for sure or ask Karen for a copy, there is also a kids one, it is a great movie
straight from the Gospel of Luke
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cwt
hi 123
Bernice
my kids were watching it yesterday
123
hi there
cwt
the kids version?
Laurie
My husband grew up in the United Church. He knows a lot about everything, but doesn't have a personal relationship
with Jesus.
Bernice
actually they were watching the adult one
Bernice
hi 123
hi
cwt
we can keep praying for your family Laurie, God will move in their hearts
cwt
as mothers what are some important values to pass onto our children?
Laurie
Thank you.
123
Integrity
cwt
that is a great one, 123
Laurie
Morals and Kindness
cwt
yes, for sure high moral standards
Bernice
loving God, loving neighbors, loving self
123
the ability to make appropriate decisions on their own.
Bernice
that is a good one 123
Laurie
I always want the children to treat others well and so far they are very kind to other children.
cwt
like the Biblical standards, that is so true
Bernice
it helps if they see these things in our own lives
cwt
yes, how we treat others is important, and teaches our kids to honor and respect others
cwt
how about love in action
Bernice
Sorry, I need to go.
123
Can we teach children discernment?
123
Or is that part of who they are?
cwt
no problem, thanks for joining us Bernice, this has been a great conversation!
Bernice
bye
123
Thanks for coming Bernice ... hope you get settled soon
cwt
did you want to explain that 123?
Bernice
thanks Barb for covering for me. Hopefully I'll be in order next wee...
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123
Can we help them to be discerning?
cwt
good question,123
123
To not follow the crowd, to stand on their own values
cwt
we can teach them Biblical values, and use that as a measuring stick
Laurie
So important. I never want my children to follow a crowd.
123
I find it is difficult when even adults can place children in a situation where they need to compromise.
cwt
kids now a days need to have the absolute values to measure things by
cwt
that is so disturbing
123
I had an interesting situation on the weekend .... my father-in-law doesn't use the best language and my son picked it
up.
Laurie
That is certainly something my grandmother taught me. Good morals.
cwt
so what did you do?
123
So ... we have been talking and praying about it together without putting down the father-in-law
123
Then ... yesterday my son got in my vehicle after school and said something neat had happened.
123
He said he had started to say that bad word and then Jesus helped him to stop.
123
and he said a different word instead.
Laurie
That is wonderful!
cwt
that is a great response , so you are honoring your father in law, but not honoring the behavior
Laurie
We have a relative who uses terrible language. I will try praying about it and see what happens.
123
Yet ... here is a child who needs to be discerning even though the grandparent is out of line
cwt
that is a good idea Laurie
cwt
young kids are so influenced!
cwt
So how can we plant seeds of faith in our kids?
cwt
we have talked about praying for them, that is a first, what else?
123
I think taking regular times and making them teachable moments can be helpful
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Laurie
I think my oldest now sees a change in me. He notices me reading the Bible and going to church.
cwt
hi Lori
123
Hi Lori
Hi everyone
Laurie
If I practice what I preach he will see that.
cwt
welcome we are talking about planting seeds of faith in our kids
Lori
A very important job
cwt
yes, if our faith is authentic, our kids see it, our actions must speak of our faith
123
To keep that visual to our kids takes commitment
cwt
I also find it keeps us accountable!
123
Sometimes shamefully so
cwt
also to use everyday experiences to explain to them how God works in our lives
123
However, we can take those times of imperfection and use them to teach
123
When we meet someone who we think is perfect ... and they show that they are real ... it usually deepens the
relationship
123
That is also how it is with our kids
cwt
when we know that we have been praying for something and God answers, it is important to share this with our kids
123
Isn't that the truth!
cwt
that way they can see how God works, and hears our prayers
123
How often we just keep on going when the prayer is answered.
Laurie
I have done that with my kids, but my oldest is very skeptical and says it was a coincidence.
cwt
yes
123
What if you started a prayer journal with him.
cwt
yes, they may say that but the funny thing is, the coincidences stop happening when we stop praying!
123
He may be surprised at how many co-incidences occur
Laurie
Unfortunately, he would never go for it at this point. But I continue to share things with him and my husband.
Lori
How ols is your oldest Laurie
Laurie
14
cwt
good for you
123
You know if you continue to pray for him ... tests, homework, etc... things that matter to him, you may be surprised
when he starts to ask you to pray for things
cwt
keep sharing your faith, and living it out in front of them. far better than preaching at them
cwt
yes, if you pray for things that concern him, then he may take some ownership in it
123
I always knew my mom prayed when we had exams ... so I always shared that with her so she could pray - no matter
how cynical I was spiritually
Laurie
That is good 123. I didn't think about homework and things like that. He just gets ridiculous and tells me to pray he will
win a million dollars.
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123
Hi Joni
123
Welcome
cwt
the fairy godmother type of praying!
cwt
hi joni
Joni
hello
cwt
welcome we are just wrapping up a session on " Moms"
Lori
14 is an age where they are showing their independence and probably wouldn't admit to praying or enjoying the fact
that you pray for him
Joni
ok
123
Do you have children?
Joni
8
cwt
eight kids, or age 8?
Laurie
Wow!
Joni
7girls and1 boy
123
You know what it is to be a mom!
Laurie
You are very busy!
Joni
all grown up now
123
What age range?
cwt
you deserve to have a great mothers day this weekend!
Joni
youngest is 24
123
What do you feel is the most effective thing you did as a mom?
Joni
thanks
cwt
you must have so much wisdom!
Joni
being there for them
Joni
being honest
Lori
good point joni
cwt
can we tap into it? what do you feel is the most effective thing that you have done as a mom?
Joni
loving God
Joni
I think the most important thing of all is showing your personal trust in Christ no matter what the circumstances
123
Being honest can open the doors to a wonderful relationship
cwt
these are great points, what about during challenging times?
123
Are your children all walking with the Lord now Joni?
123
Challenging times can change the dynamics can't they?
123
It can bring out the best or unfortunately the worst in us.
cwt
yes it can, our true colors
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Laurie
So true. Crisis seems to bring out the best in my husband and the worst in me.
cwt
so being that it is Mother's Day this weekend, what are some ways that we can honor our moms?
123
I bought a nice book for my mom
123
But ... instead of just giving it to her as a nice book I filled it with personal memories
Laurie
Spend time with them. Make sure they know how much they mean to us and a gift.
123
She was pretty overwhelmed by it/
Laurie
That is such a wonderful idea!
cwt
it is fun to take the opportunity to show our love to them in special ways, that is a great idea to personalize a gift like
that!
123
Showing them things that they have done in a lifetime ... and how meaningful that is makes them feel so special.
cwt
mom's appreciate keepsakes like that
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123
Hi sid
cwt
hi sid
............................ JoniK joined.............
Lori
My mom is in Toronto and I'm on the west coast so I'll have to make do with calling her on the phone
cwt
we are just finishing a session talking about the Influence of Mom
123
Hi JoniK
123
Are you Joni?
cwt
hi jonik
123
and did you get bumped out?
JoniK
Sorry I was cut off there
JoniK
Yes
cwt
that sometimes happens then you just need to come back in under a different name'
123
I think affirmation is the key thing ... whether by phone, written ...etc. to communicate to them
JoniK
Right
cwt
good point 123, affirming our love for them
JoniK
My children are all leading different lives. Some walk with the Lord.
Lori
My mom is fighting cancer so affirmation is really important right now
123
I know my mother-in-law is a card person and it matters that the card gets there on time ... or you didn't care enough to
plan ahead.... so we have learned how important it is to adhere to what is important to her.
123
That would be so very difficult Lori
cwt
that is difficult lori, I also went through a period with my mom and breast cancer
Laurie
That is so true. Even though my mom did a lot of hurtful things she also did a lot of good and I do tell her that.
cwt
she is doing well now, praise the Lord!
123
Illness sure can put life into perspective, can't it?
cwt
in times like that you just need to be physically near them if possible
sid
Type HERE how wonderful it is being a mom, how marvelous to be a Christian along with it.
lori
its difficult to be so far away
cwt
good for you Laurie, even after all the hurt from the past
JoniK
Is it possible for you to move?
cwt
when distance keeps us apart from our mothers, then we call, and send encouraging notes
123
I would imagine that would be hard.
JoniK
Those hurts from the past need to be talked about and then you move on in forgiveness.
123
The world certainly is smaller by email too.
cwt
yes for sure join, forgiveness brings freedom'
123
Isn't that the truth
JoniK
Spending time with her is important
sid
my mom had both of her breasts removed, she to this day is a very fulfilled women, she has taught me allot, just by her
attitude.
JoniK
Great
cwt
that is great sid, I love hearing great endings to cancer stories!
123
That is for sure.
cwt
attitude always makes the difference
JoniK
But you may need to cherish her at this moment ...for her and for yourself
123
Attitude is amazing
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JoniK
by being there
lori
My mom's attitude is great even in the midst of her fight
123
I hope all of you have a very special mother's day.
Laurie
That is so wonderful that she can remain upbeat in those circumstances.
JoniK
That's powerful Lori
sid
its never been hard for her, she embraces life, not the physical. but the whole of who we are, and whom we belong to
lori
totally at peace with God
123
Have you been able to see her recently lori?
sid
yes
lori
I saw her in Jan.
JoniK
how did that make you feel?
123
We will pray for you ... it must be very difficult
lori
and talk to her once a week
cwt
that is great that you were able to spend time with her, well this has been another great session, and we have covered
allot of stuff on honoring our mothers, being better mothers, and learning to overcome past hurts, it has been
encouraging, let's end with a time of prayer
123
"Lord I pray for lori that you will give her strength as she is so far away from her mother as she struggles. I also pray
for the mother that you would be everything to her that she needs that you would subside the pain and uplift her. In
Jesus Name
cwt
Lord we thank you for our mothers, thank you that you have allowed us to be mothers, we ask for wisdom, and grace to
be the examples that you want us to be, and Lord we pray for those who mom's are struggling with cancer right now, be
near to them, and touch them with your healing hand. Amen
123
Amen
lori
amen
Laurie
Amen
123
Thanks cwt for leading this session - it's been great
sid
amen
cwt
thanks girls for joining us, please feel free to continue in the conversation, but I will be signing off,have a great day and
a super Mother's Day God bless!
123
Feel free to carry on the conversations ladies.
JoniK
I care for those who are dying from cancer and I often see the family members stay far away as they can not bear to
watch the end results. That is why I am saying to you to spend as much time with your Mum now before her final
