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Subject: How to Be A Great Friend
Date: April 19, 2001
HOW TO BE A GREAT FRIEND
Friendships are one of the most cherished gifts any woman can experience.
The freedom to share your thoughts, your dreams and your fears without being
incriminated is not something anyone could ever take lightly. Is it possible
to groom and develop those kinds of friends - or is that something a good
novel talks about? This discussion will focus on how we can truly develop
those kinds of friends in our own lives.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What are the qualities of a good friend?
2. Name some major obstacles when developing deeper friendships.
3. What are some steps we could take to strengthen our friendships?
4. In building new friendships what are some practical ideas?
5. Discuss some creative ideas to nurture a friendship.
our topic is How To Be a Great Friend tonight
Laurie
They have started with practices already and the first games are Monday.
Shey
Hi
cwt
welcoome Shey
Shey
thanks
cwt
well let's get started on our first discussion question
cwt
what do you think the qualities of a good friend are?
Karing
Loyalty
Laurie
Considerate and trustworthy.
Karing
Fun
cwt
those are great points
Karing
Open
byfaith
encouraging
cwt
how about respect
byfaith
yess
Karing
That is definite
cwt
anything else come to mind?
byfaith
being there when there is a need
Laurie
I like someone I can really be myself with.
Karing
I was about to say that ... there for you when no one else is.
byfaith
Amen, Laurie
Shey
positive attitude
Karing
good point!
cwt
yes, available for sure and yes positive!
byfaith
a friend needed someone to take her to the doctor this week, so I did
Karing
that is nice of you!
cwt
good for you byfaith, that is a true friend
byfaith
she had a bad cold and now I am fighting it
byfaith
oh well, that is being there I guess
cwt
I also thought of kindness, and generosity...that is what gave you the cold
Karing
sacrificial caring.
cwt
good one
byfaith
yes, I was sort of feeling sorry for myself, and then I saw the topic for tonight
byfaith
divine appointment
cwt
absolutely
Karing
They sometimes seem to know what you are thinking ...
byfaith
that is good
Karing
Were you feeling along byfaith?
Karing
alone?
byfaith
I was feeling that I sure don't want her cold
Karing
I can understand that
byfaith
and she was worried I would get it
cwt
no one enjoys getting sick
byfaith
but I am standing, "by faith"
cwt
but you did the right thing
byfaith
that's right
byfaith
thanks everyone
cwt
these are all great characteristics of true friends
............................ Jessica joined.............
Karing
Hi Jessica
Karing
Welcome .... we are just talking about friendship
byfaith
Hi Jessica
Karing
Is this your first time here?
cwt
but sometimes we encounter challenges in our friendships, what are some major obstacles when developing deeper
friendships?
Jessica
Hi
Shey
knowing forsure that we can trust them
byfaith
yes
Laurie
Sometimes our friends may have different values than we do.
Jessica
ye sthis is my first time here
Karing
how did you find us?
cwt
glad you could join us tonight Jessica
Karing
Obstacles to deepening friendships can be time
cwt
we are talking about friendships here tonight
Jessica
a friend told me
Karing
Trust is a definite issue! Shey
Karing
We are glad you are here.
byfaith
and showing them that they can trust us
cwt
yes, trust is a big issue for a deeper relationship
cwt
trust and time are good points, anything else that may be an obstacle?
Laurie
Gossip
Laurie
I guess that ties in with trust.
cwt
oooh, yes, that has to do with trust right Laurie?
Karing
Sometimes there is an issue called "triangulation" which is when there are more complicated dynamics to the friendship
.. and a third or 4th person complicates the trust.
byfaith
sometimes we try to build a new relationship, but the person doesn't seem interested
byfaith
not being inclusive?
cwt
that sounds interesting karing, want to expand further?
cwt
good point byfaith
Karing
Do you know what a mean by that..... when one person plays you against another, and so on.
cwt
yes, those kind of dynamics can be so dangerous and hurtful
byfaith
that is so llike high school stuff, isn't it?
Karing
It amazes me how grown women can be so hurtful
byfaith
and so immature
Laurie
Yes, so immature and so many women gossip.
cwt
for sure, but unfortunately sometimes relationships can get like that, especially when there are issues deeper within that
haven't been dealt with
byfaith
you hit it, cwt
Karing
There usually is a lot of stuff we don't know about with that.
cwt
so what are some steps that we could take to strengthen our friendships?
Karing
Emotional investments.
cwt
yes, pouring into the emotional tank of our friends
Karing
Doing something crazy and fun with a friend builds the relationship
byfaith
well, be very careful with people who are not "safe" people
cwt
what do you mean by " safe"?
Karing
What are some ways we can know if people are not safe
byfaith
hurting people who hurt
byfaith
like Karing said
............................ angie left.............
cwt
you mean those who are still hurting others?
byfaith
yes
Karing
How do we handle people who are in pain .... and may want to stay there?
byfaith
good question, Karing
byfaith
I have had friends like that over the years
Karing
What do you think?
cwt
if they are our friends we need to stick by them and help them
Jessica
Be ther for them, encourage them
cwt
we have probably all had friends like that
Laurie
Although it may be difficult we may just have to tell them we can't solve their problems and they will have to get help.
byfaith
Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethsaida, do you want to get well?
Karing
What do the rest of you think ... should we be careful when it seems that someone likes to stay stuck in their pain ...
and no matter what you do - you can't help them?
Karing
There may also be the aspect where you see them hurting and hurting others.
byfaith
there comes a time when we reap what we sow into a relationship
cwt
yes, encouragement is big , affirming them in our friendship, yet loving them enough to confront them with the truth
Shey
I think you need to be careful they don't pull you down into their negative world
byfaith
if we sow only hurt and pain, eventually we will sow it back to ourselves
byfaith
that is good cwt
Karing
Personally I think we need to be careful and wise - because by being there for them too much - we may in fact be
enabling their negative patterns.
cwt
great point there shey, it is important to be strong in that area
Laurie
That is true Shey, we wouldn't want to be stuck in their problem.
............................ shiloh joined.............
byfaith
that is right Karing
Karing
Hi shiloh
cwt
hi shiloh
cwt
welcome to our discussion on friendship[
Karing
Welcome .... we are discussing obstacles in friendships.
byfaith
Hi shiloh
cwt
have any of you heard of the concept of setting boundaries in friendships?
byfaith
yes
Karing
That is such a good way of thinking.
shiloh
Type HEREhi. ty for warm welcome.
Shey
yes
byfaith
warm welcome to you shiloh
Jessica
Totally believe in that
Karing
We need to be there for our friends, to help them when we can ... to love, but we do need to be cautious when we
are feeding unhealthy patterns.
cwt
these would be emotional protectors, like a gate to keep the hurtful negative things out of our lives, to protect
ourselves from pain
byfaith
absolutely
Laurie
Enabling them could be destructive.
Karing
The nice thing about gates ... is that they can be open and closed.
Karing
Which means we don't shut people out ....
cwt
yet we have a responsibility as a true friend to stand by their side and do the tough love, by confronting the negative
behaviour
Karing
For example ... if you feel you are in a situation you are being taken advantage of, you set the boundaries ... but keep
the relationship.
cwt
that can be done in a positive way
Laurie
That is good.
byfaith
on the positive side, our friends have really been there for us in some of life's crisis
Jessica
Here's a awesome quote "Friends are there to enjoy us when we blossom and to love & support us when we wilt
byfaith
great quote, Jessica
cwt
that is good jessica
Karing
I like that
Laurie
Wonderful
byfaith
we have some long standing friendships, people who have prayed for us and our children over the years
byfaith
they are a true gift from God
Karing
Have any of you ever proceeded in a relationship where you felt cautious and even afraid ... and been rewarded for
it?
cwt
I truly believe that friendships are a gift
cwt
great question karing
byfaith
yes
Karing
I know those fears sometimes are the result of previous bad experiences ... and really are not applicable to the person
we are getting to know.
cwt
I have, simply because in the past I have moved alot and thus had to make new friends when I felt I didn't have much
in common with them
Karing
We get to the point where we must proceed knowing that the blessing outweighs the risk.
cwt
but the reward has been lifelong friends
byfaith
so true, Karing
byfaith
that is a reward money cannot buy, cwt, lifelong friends
cwt
absolutely, and so very worth it
cwt
so how can we move on to build new friendships?
cwt
do you think we need to do this?
Karing
It takes a lot of energy to pick up the phone and connect with a brand new person ... doesn't it?
Shey
but it's necessary
byfaith
yes, absolutely!
cwt
I agree, byfaith, why would you say that?
Jessica
I know what you mean Karing. It takes work and a great listening ear
byfaith
new friendships usually make me more interesting, and caring
Karing
There is a balance in maintaining existing friendships .... but we do need to keep opening our lives to new people.
............................ Sherry joined.............
byfaith
it broadens our horizons
cwt
I feel very responsible myself, say if we had a new neighbor move in, I would want to help out or bring baking etc.
Karing
Good point byfaith.
Karing
Hi Sherry
cwt
hi sherry
Sherry
hello everyone
Karing
Welcome .... we are discussing practical ideas in building new friendships.
shiloh
hi sherry
byfaith
Hi Sherry
cwt
meeting new people and deepening relationships certainly does broaden our own lives
Jessica
hi Sherry
............................ Sherry left.............
cwt
would you all agree?
Shey
yes
Laurie
Yes, I agree.
cwt
so it is worth it? to continue to reach out?
Laurie
It does give a different outlook on things.
Karing
It's so easy to get into relational ruts.
byfaith
it is such a blessing to be talking with a friend on the phone and end up in a discussion about the Lord and His Word
Laurie
If we never reach out to people then we won't be able to share our faith.
Karing
Does God play a role in what kind of a friend we can be?
byfaith
Most definitely
Jessica
Jesus was the best friend ever
cwt
I certainly find that meeting new people is a blessing, and that God has created us all so uniquely to enjoy and share
the Gospel to
Karing
For me ... God helps me see people differently than I would on my own. He helps be more understanding.
Karing
Especially of difficult people in my life.
Laurie
I agree.
Laurie
Good points
cwt
I was reading in Romans 12 today about relationships, honoring one another, devoting ourselves to one another,
never lacking in zeal, and being patient
cwt
the bible says so much about friendships!
Shey
I think he plays a role but alot of it comes down to us listening to his leading
Karing
That is a good point Shey
byfaith
there is such wisdom in this room tonight
cwt
do you think that we have a responsibility to befriend those who we find difficult?
shiloh
have to go,enjoyed these few min.sitting in. thank y'll.
Karing
Please join us again ... back on Monday night.
Jessica
Perhaps it is God's leading
byfaith
bless you shiloh
cwt
thanks for joining us, we meet each Thursday at this same time
Laurie
When we are kind to the most difficult people they could turn around by our kindness.
Karing
Back to your question cwt about difficult people. I do agree that we have a responsibility there.
byfaith
to a point, yes, cwt
cwt
great point Laurie
Karing
Good point Laurie
shiloh
thank you. god bless you all richly.
Laurie
There was that story about the "Cup of cold water".
Karing
This is one of the most difficult things to do ..... but it amazes me when we pray for them how our attitudes change.
cwt
I think that we are responsible to love all people, but that we may not become best friends will all people
byfaith
amen
cwt
prayer can change our hearts or others
Laurie
So true
cwt
even those who persecute us, or harm us, should see a positive, loving reaction from us, hard to do thougnh
Karing
Does anyone have a situation when you were blessed befriending a difficult person or situation?
byfaith
that's right cwt
byfaith
coming toward them in the opposite spirit
cwt
what about those whose faith is different than ours, do we have a responsibility to befriend them?
Laurie
Well, there was a lady in my neighborhood that I felt really didn't care for me. One day her mother was stranded and
needed a ride so I
Laurie
offered the ride and she seemed so much nicer after that.
cwt
that is awesome Laurie, that is reaching out in love and a love response in return
Karing
That must have been so rewarding.
byfaith
yes, we should befriend them
Laurie
I think she decided I wasn't so bad after all and she has been a lot friendlier.
Laurie
Yes, I love to do things for others. It makes me feel good inside.
Karing
It is important to befriend people of other faiths
cwt
when I think of who Jesus hung around, it was the lost, He was always concerned about those who did not know
Him
Karing
Human nature is that we tend to cluster together with people who are like us.... and it takes effort to go out of our
circles.
cwt
I was at a seminar today and was reminded to befriend the lost, as Jesus did
byfaith
oh yes, that is so right
cwt
we could have a neighbor next door who doesn't know Jesus and you may be the only Christ follower in her life to
give the message to
............................ carol joined.............
cwt
hi carol
Jessica
that is inspiring
Karing
Hi Carol
byfaith
Hi Carol
carol
hello!
cwt
we are just discussing friendships here
Laurie
I had the opportunity to share my faith with a friend last week. She asked a lot of questions and seemed quite
interested.
Jessica
Hi Carol
carol
hi all!
byfaith
what a blessing Laurie
cwt
that is so great Laurie!
............................ shiloh left.............
carol
it is so awesome to share with our friends, especially when they can see the change in our lives
Laurie
I was really surprised because this person was the last person I ever thought would really be interested.
Karing
That is really neat Laurie!
byfaith
we just never know, do we?
cwt
when we think of sharing our faith with friends of differing beliefs, we must be reminded that the Holy
cwt
Spirit does the work, not us
Laurie
The opportunity just presented its self so I went ahead. I am glad I did.
Karing
I think the opportunity is there more often than we take advantage of.
cwt
absolutely
Karing
It is neat when we can proceed like you did Laurie.
cwt
yes, I truly believe that if we pray for opportunities, they arrive on our doorstep
Laurie
I figure the seeds have been planted so you never know what could happen.
cwt
for sure Laurie!
cwt
well before we end our session let
Karing
That is what the Holy Spirit does ... he takes those seeds
Karing
and helps them grow
cwt
's talk about some pratical ways to nurture our friendships
Karing
Do something fun and creative
Laurie
Cards and notes of encouragement.
cwt
great ideas!
Karing
I find getting together regularly ... even if it is for another purpose outside of your relationship
cwt
I was thinking of doing a class together, or doing ministry together, exercise those types of things nurture a relationship
............................ byfaith left.............
Karing
How about some of you others? Ideas to deepen friendships?
Karing
or to even start them?
Karing
cwt ... that is a good point ... a friendship where you are doing something for others ....
Jessica
Have their Family over for supper
Karing
the focus is then outside of the relationship .....
cwt
yes, helping or serving together
Karing
that is a good point.
cwt
good idea jessica
Karing
It's amazing what it means to a parent to have someone care about your kids.
cwt
inviting them to something that is important to you, a game or an event
Karing
doing something impulsively can make you feel special too
cwt
celebrating together, a birthday or special occasion
Jessica
I agree Karing
Karing
How about dropping a surprise gift off?
cwt
well this has been an interesting discussion tonight, very inspiring and motivating to continue our friendships and to
move ahead to make new ones
Karing
This is inspiring!
cwt
these are all great ideas! Thanks so much for sharing them
Karing
I am encouraged towards pouring more energy into friendships
Jessica
Thank you , it was alot of fun
cwt
yes, I have found this very motivating
Laurie
This was great, thank you!
Karing
Monday we are getting together again at 7:00 Pacific .. 10:00 Eastner
cwt
please join us Monday for a session on Are You Over Doing It
Karing
Do any of you feel like that ? Overwhelmed by your lives?
Jessica
At times YES
Laurie
Yes. This would be a great topic!
Laurie
Too bad, I will be at soccer. I will have to look at the chat transcripts later on.
cwt
All of us, probably deal with stress in our schedules, so please join us...thanks to all for joining us tonight, have a great
evening!
cwt
yes Laurie, the transcripts will always be available
Jessica
Bye
cwt
we also have a session Wednesday at 11 MST
Karing
We do have a daytime session next wed. on Authority.: where do we draw the line
cwt
have a good evening everyone!
