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Subject: Getting Along With Irritable People
Date: April 19, 2001 & June 7, 2001
Getting Along With Irritable People
Related Article: 19 Ways to Encourage Others
The sun is shining and you have a bounce in your step. You just know it is
a good day. Then suddenly someone comes across your path with a snide
comment and you feel your temperature rising. It is hard to understand how
someone can be so irritating and cranky and why you allow that to affect
you. It seems regardless of your efforts that person has completely ruined
your day and you feel incredibly frustrated. Please join us as we discuss
how you can learn how to get along with irritable people and possibly be the
one that influences them to have a great day.
1. As you get to know people, do you have a way of describing their
personality that helps you in understanding them?
2. Opposites attract and repel at the same time, how can we work with that
in our relationships?
3. How do the different personality types affect our relationships? How
does one relate to a strong willed personality?
4. How can we best accept the different character traits in others?
5. If we feel that we have to "give up" working ( or relating ) with a
person, how do we graciously handle that - or is it even acceptable to do
so?
June 7, 2001
We can open in prayer and get started ....
cwt
"Lord I thank you for this day and I pray for this session that you would guide and direct it. That you would be
glorified as we discuss this topic. Amen"
cwt
As you get to know people, do you have a way of describing their personality that helps you in understanding
them?
cwt
I know I get helped when I have an idea of a personality type.
cwt
For example ... you don't expect someone to be meek & mild when they are an extroverted type A person
cwt
Any other ideas?
cwt
Do you mentally define people by their personalities?
cwt
Does that help you with your expectations of them?
Laurie
Yes. I do tend to analyze people.
cwt
Is that helpful for you ... and how?
............................ Laurie left.............
cwt
Some people can appear to be very assertive ... but when you know their personality and their motive ... does
that make a difference?
Shey
I suppose it would
cwt
Opposites attract and repel at the same time .... how can we work with that in our relationships?
............................ Laurie joined.............
cwt
Sometimes the things someone does who is so different than us can be frustrating ... how do we learn to make
it compliment each other
cwt
Hi laurie - did you get bumped out?
Laurie
Yes. I am not sure what happened.
cwt
We are just starting to discuss how opposites can work together ... not annoy each other.
Shey
when they attract it can help you to see a side of something that you never thought of
cwt
What are some ways that opposites can help each other.
cwt
That is true She
cwt
Shey
spud
It can be hard, but when we realize that differences actually can complicate your weakness.
Laurie
Well, someone who is shy can actually become more outgoing sometimes just by being with the right people.
cwt
do you mean compliment?
cwt
I know I am really outgoing and around shy people ... I learn to quiet down.
spud
Yes!
cwt
Our weaknesses are ok .... we just need to surround ourselves with people that can be strong in those areas
we are weak.
Laurie
My husband used to be quite shy and quiet but he said after being around me it gave him more confidence and
he is not really all that shy anymore.
cwt
That is really neat
Shey
also when you are working on a project you need people who like to work behind the seens and people who
like to be up front
cwt
Some of us are really hands-on ... and others like to put the project together and not touch the details
Laurie
That is true.
cwt
It is interesting ... when you take a room of people .. break them into groups and have them appoint a leader in
their group ... and then someone to take notes how quickly the differences pop up
cwt
I've done that several times at seminars with a room of people.
cwt
Everyone is so different and people can learn to work together.
spud
This is true
cwt
In families, in work places, as friends, at volunteer things, etc.
cwt
How can we best accept different character traits in others?
Shey
that's why God made us all different. So that we can work together like the parts of the body
cwt
What are some traits that you find particularly difficult
spud
We have to work together. Particular in a marriage relationship.
cwt
Absolutely
cwt
As mates we have many traits that are very different
cwt
Even men and women in general have very different traits
Laurie
I find weak personalities difficult to deal with.
Shey
I find people that are very controlling hard to work with
spud
My husband and I are very different. We need to remind each other that we are team and that we are not
against each other with are differances.
cwt
I was talking to someone the other day ... and we were saying it is interesting as the years go by how you learn
to let things go that you could have made a battle with in earlier years
Laurie
That is the truth.
Laurie
Life is much easier when we let some things go.
cwt
If it is important to the other person the question is "is this really worth a fight"?
cwt
Most often it isn't.
cwt
We can just drop these things ... compromise and keep peace.
cwt
So ... here is a question - if we are doing that - are we being pushovers?
spud
I guess there are times when you want be heard to!
Laurie
No
cwt
I know .... but in the long run .... do those little things really matter?
cwt
It's like that silly monkey holding onto the bananna that is in the cage. He holds tight - keeping himself in
bondge. If he let go of the silly thing ..he would be free.
Laurie
In the long run they really don't matter. I used to get stressed out if my husband splattered toothpaste on the
mirrors.
cwt
Ok ... now that is an issue that is hard! (=
cwt
haha
Laurie
Now I just look back and think how stupid it was.
cwt
It's true ... we get ourselves so bent out of shape over the smallest things ... and then before we know it .....
cwt
It is the small things that derail relationships .... often not the big ones.
Shey
if the peson is getting there way and know that and you always give in then maybe you are being a pushover
cwt
I agree Shey
Shey
then you are being used
Laurie
That is a good point Shey.
cwt
Letting go of certain things .... is different than always giving in.
cwt
But .... where is that line that indicates the difference? We often don't know and need to pray for wisdom to
detemrine that.
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cwt
Hi Joe
cwt
How are you tonight
cwt
We are discussing Getting Along With Irritable People
joe
hi all
cwt
We are talking specifically about working with different character traits.
cwt
Somehow we managed to get into the topic of marriage .... and the differences between men & women
joe
thanks for telling me
cwt
There are definitely differences between you and nearly everyone in your life.
cwt
Let's talk for a moment about irritable people.
cwt
Have you ever had a great day ... and then bumped into someone who was irritable?
cwt
What happened?
Laurie
I think it does help to understand why someone does something. The reason behind the behavior.
cwt
That is true .... the motive can completely change our reaction from irritation to understanding.
cwt
I know when I encounter an irritable person on a particularly good day ... it suddenly becomes that much
harder to continue to have a great day.
Laurie
It does take the wind out of our sails when we were having a great day and someone else is cranky. It
completely changes things.
cwt
It becomes a choice I have to make .... and choose to stay happy despite this encounter.
Laurie
That is good.
cwt
That is a good description - takes the wind out of our sails.
Shey
if they are irritable for a good reason it makes me feel like caring for them but if they are just in a bad mood I
wish they wouldn't disturb my day
cwt
Is our first thought that our joy can be equally as influencing as their irritability?
cwt
Isn't that the truth?
Shey
that is not usually my first thought
cwt
I got an email today from a woman who wanted to come tonight. The lady she shares a cubicle with at work is
completely irritable all the time
cwt
She wonders how she can rise above it.
cwt
Any ideas?
cwt
She would like me to send the transcript .....
spud
First begin praying for the person.
cwt
good point
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Laurie
Well, I think she has to find out what is behind the lady being so irritable.
Shey
when I used to work with those kind of people I would try to limit my time with them. And when I was with
them I tried to point out the good
Laurie
It might be hard to do but I might actually confront the person in this situation.
spud
How do you find out without them thinking you are nosy!
cwt
Sometimes the irritability is a front and if someone cares to ask ... it breaks through a lot of pain and they open
up.
spud
There are times when they don't even know what is bothering them!
cwt
It's all in how you are asking.
Laurie
I would just carefully try to direct the conversation to the information I wanted to find out.
cwt
"It seems like you are going through a hard time- is there a way I could help?" might be a question you could
ask.
cwt
Any ideas Joe?
Laurie
But you are right. It could come across as being a little bit bold.
cwt
So maybe doing this over coffee is a better idea ... or even after giving a "thinking about you" gift.
Laurie
That is a nice idea!
cwt
Practically ... what are some gifts you could give someone who is irritable.
spud
That's a great idea
spud
Flowers
cwt
chocolate is sweet ... it might make a miserable person happy (=
spud
A little card telling them you appreciate them
cwt
Or a little trinket
Shey
maybe even just a note to say that you've noticed they aren't themselves and that you are here if they need to
talk
cwt
Or homemade cookies
cwt
Those kind deeds are shocking for someone who expects life to give them a raw deal.
cwt
Often they are very insecure, going through hurts at home and the easiest place to take it out on people is
where they don't know them well.
cwt
So what if that person doesn't change?
Shey
and maybe they are hoping that some one will notice their mood and reach out to them
cwt
When do we give up working on them .... is it ok?
spud
You still love them!
joe
try to help them
cwt
You don't have to be rude back ... but some people are sour, love being sour and want to stay that way.
cwt
So how do you try to help them?
joe
you have to calm down first
Shey
by not falling into the same rut but by being positive around them
cwt
That is true
spud
I think we can continue show unconditonal love to them. Deep down inside they may be changing!
cwt
It is probably good to pray for yourself ... that you won't be so annoyed.
Laurie
That is good Shey because sometimes it is hard to stay up-beat around people like that.
joe
nice to them and be their friend
cwt
that their attitude will be like water off a duck's back and not upset you.
cwt
True Joe
cwt
To step back be kind ... not intrusive when they make it clear that they are not wanting to be friends.
Laurie
I have tried that with an "argumentive" person in the family and it does work most of the time.
cwt
In the corporate situation for example .... there may be a time to get help though.
cwt
Especially if this person relates with clients, etc.
cwt
There are places where being openly miserable is not acceptable.
cwt
You can be upset, sad and even have a bad day but it probably is a bad habit to take it out on those all around
you.
cwt
We are like that with our kids.
cwt
There is a point where irritablility reaches a limit ... and it is not acceptable - do you agree?
Shey
once you have said your bit you need to back off if they are disinterested. They will find you when they need to
talk
Laurie
Yes. I agree.
Shey
I agree
cwt
Have any of you ever been in a situation where you have needed to do that ?
cwt
That would be tough to do ..... to indicate a boundary like that.
cwt
How about in our own families ... when some of us get irritable ... what are some things we can do to change
the environment?
cwt
Things can go downhill where you realize one day that the whole family is being disgruntled.
cwt
I know several of you have kids ... what can the mom do to change things?
Shey
for me I need to bakc off and wait until I can see the problem more clearly
Laurie
That is true, it can be like a domino effect. Especially if the mother is cranky then that sure sets the tone.
cwt
I think making everyone aware of the fact that we are all looking at life like "Eyore" does from "Pooh Bear" is a
way even young kids can relate to
Laurie
Sometimes if I am upset with one child it is hard not to be cranky with another child.
cwt
Isn't that the unfortunate truth?
cwt
And then our spouse too.
Laurie
But I have just apologized later and told them it wasn't them I was cross with.
spud
There are times I am so tired that I am more irritable
cwt
I am really quick if it is an outside stressful situation to sit my kids down and admit that I am unhappy because
of something at work or some other situation that causes me to feel uptight ... and it is not their fault
cwt
Then likewise when they are having a bad day - I help them pinpoint what is causing the problem ... not the
symptoms
cwt
What do you do Spud when you get tired like that ?
cwt
It takes a lot of self-discipline to pull away when we know we need to.
spud
I try to get rest!
cwt
Maybe the best thing you could do is go out for coffee ... or for a walk .. or slip away and read a book
Laurie
It is amazing how much more we can cope with when we do get proper rest.
cwt
But ... what do we tend to do ... take on more responsibility ... and get overwhelmed.
cwt
That is so true
spud
This sounds like a great idea!
Shey
I try and get my kids doing something where the dont' need me and then I just go and sit by myself for awhile
cwt
I recently heard that few people even take time for long baths anymore ....... we run from when we wake until
we go to bed.
cwt
That is great Shey
cwt
How about you Joe? What reenergizes you?
spud
I haven't been getting much rest because I have a 2 1/2 month old baby.
cwt
In times like that - it seems like an eternity - but we need to realize it is a season.
Laurie
That does make it hard to rest.
cwt
And before we blink- it will be over.
cwt
How about music - does that help anyone unwind and take the "crankies" away?
Shey
I also have my kids in bed by 8pm so that the evening is mine
cwt
That really helps too.
cwt
No matter how we do it .... we all need times of stillness.
spud
This is very true!
Shey
I have a cd by Dino called quiet times. It's great for jsut relaxing to
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cwt
Let's go one step beyond this - how do we encourage people to help them not get irritable?
cwt
Hi KAT
KAT
HI
cwt
Encouragement is such a gift
KAT
I have almost missed the hour :)
cwt
Sorry about that .... where are you from?
cwt
Is it late?
KAT
I am from oregon, I just couldn't get on, computer problems
cwt
When is the last time you got a personal note in the mail?
cwt
It's amazing how we are all on the run ... and those kind things are often good thoughts.
KAT
Year ago, for me
cwt
Oh my ... that is not good.
Laurie
That is true. We have lost the art of letter writing.
cwt
An affirming personal handwritten note!
cwt
Those are amazing
KAT
with computers, letters are almost non existant
cwt
On the other hand, because email is so available - I intentionally try to encourage people by email.
KAT
cool
joe
is good or bad
cwt
A few months ago a friend was going through junk at work - I wrote a long email affirming her in who she was.
She was so amazed when she saw all the negative emails and one personal one.
Laurie
That is wonderful.
cwt
I don't think we should exchange one for the other though
Shey
I love to just drop a note by e-mail. it can be very timely for the person that gets it
............................ myautumnsky joined.............
KAT
that is neat
cwt
Hi myautumnsky
cwt
We have been talking about irritable people and are wrapping up on how we can encourage each other
joe
hand-written letter makes me feel warm and close
cwt
Let's be super creative ... what are some inexpensive ways we can realistically encourage someone?
myautumnsky
Type HEREHi
cwt
Absolutely Joe!
KAT
I think the most encouraging thing someone can do for me when I am irritable is to just listen...that lets me
know they care and usually helps my mood :)
cwt
That is very helpful isn't it?
Laurie
I remember you saying about taking the teachers coffee, cwt and that really would have made their day.
cwt
It's even more amazing when they listen and don't try to solve that problem
spud
can bake them cookies!
myautumnsky
yes
............................ Toni left.............
cwt
You are right Laurie ... such a simple thing.
myautumnsky
Talking always helps.
cwt
You know what else is interesting .... to make the effort to remember what someone takes in their coffee can
be an encouragement
myautumnsky
It's the little things that count.
Shey
also letting them know that you prayed for them
cwt
People really appreciate that.
myautumnsky
Or, praying for them on the spot.
KAT
Sometimes a single mom in church may just need an hour to go get pop or somthing..so i might watch her
kids..etc. kindness dosen't have to be expensive
cwt
That is super KAT!
KAT
amen
cwt
what a gift kindness is.
myautumnsky
I wish someone would offer to watch my kids!
cwt
We get stuck by thinking these kind things are lots of work.
cwt
how many - how old are your kids?
KAT
sometimes a simple smile to a checker when she is tired..I guess I just try to treat people the way I want them
to treat me when I am down
myautumnsky
Three, 8, 5 & 2.
cwt
That is buys
cwt
busy
KAT
wow myautunmsky..you are blessed
cwt
Isn't it odd how sometimes we don't even talk to the checker (cashier - in Canada)
cwt
Someone puts your food , clothes through a till ... and we don't say anything ... what an opportunity to brighten
someone's day.
KAT
yea..and they have probably been standing there for hours with their feet killing them :)
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cwt
I heard a great thing ... how about going through a drive through and paying the bill for the car behind you?
cwt
Wouldn't that be a shocker .. then wave as you drive away!
cwt
Hi Jojo
cwt
welcome
Laurie
I always seem to start chatting with people in the check out line. Used to annoy my husband but in the right
situations I can be friendly. I think he realizes it is part of my personality.
............................ jojo left.............
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jojo
hi cwt
Laurie
Wow, that would be a shocker if someone did something like that.
cwt
we are talking about how to encourage people and prevent irritability
cwt
And it certainly wouldn't be expensive (you would probably want to make sure the vehicle wasn't filled with
people) haha
jojo
i deal w/irritable people all day long, do customer service phone work for kaiser hmo
myautumnsky
It's nice to be the easter bunny at work, santa clause, etc.
cwt
It is fun to think outside of the box .... as to how we can encourage people
cwt
I bet some people even know how to be cranky with them, don't you?
cwt
Cranky people don't need reasons to be cranky, but what we need to do is rise above that and not let them get
us down.
KAT
amen
cwt
Is this your first time here KAT & jojo
myautumnsky
Coming here can be an encourager.
jojo
not mine, but this is the most people i've seen here at one time
cwt
I am thankful
KAT
I was here wednesday morning..I enjoy it
cwt
The room is generally filling up ..
jojo
one of the things we learned in training was as we talked w/othere, to assume positive intent.
cwt
jojo have you been here for one of the hostessed sessions - or just when it is open?
jojo
not to generally think that they're out to get you, but most likely just dealing w/their frustrations
cwt
that is true
cwt
I'm glad this is encouraging for you.
jojo
never a hostessed session...
cwt
That is why the room is usually emptier
jojo
is that what we have going here right now
cwt
Do you see the button above "chat schedule"
jojo
and i take it you must be the hostess?
cwt
If you click on that ... it takes you below where the schedule is...do you see it?
cwt
Yes I am
jojo
no i dont see "chat schedule"
jojo
oh wait, i see it now but no buttone above it
cwt
On the yellow buttons above this box
jojo
a line under it
cwt
like file folders
jojo
ok, see it!
cwt
If you click on it ... it shows you our regular schedule
............................ joe left.............
cwt
Or you can sign up for the chat newsletter .... in the same row of file folder tabs
cwt
and you will receive regular notices of upcoming sessions
cwt
Can we pray for you in any way tonight before we wrap this up?
............................ jojo left.............
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jojo
back again, got lost clicking on tabs!
jojo
:o)
cwt
"Lord I come to you and thank you so much for this time together. I pray for each of these women that you
would work in their lives and in the struggles and difficulties that they have. That you would provide time for
them to have quietness and rest and to be strengthened. In Jesus Name Amen:
cwt
jojo ... you found our schedule now/
cwt
?
jojo
yes, thanks, took the scenic route getting back!
cwt
I hope you come back again when we have another discussion - these are great times together.
jojo
will try to catch another one sometime
cwt
Feel free to keep chatting .... I need to run - goodnight all and see you soon.
jojo
ttfn
cwt
We try to have topics that are helpful for everyday life.
myautumnsky
Goodnight
Shey
goodnight cwt
cwt
night
Laurie
Thank you for the session. Goodnight!
.............. Log stopped at Thu Jun 07 18:08:46 PDT 2001 ...........
APRIL 19
Dear Lord, thanks for the opportunity to get together again. Please bless this discussion and help us learn together how to get along will all the people you created. Amen.
cwt It always takes awhile to groom a new time period .
cwt Our opening question is:
Bernice That's ok. Let's start. It is an interesting topic
cwt As you get to know people, do you have a way of describing their personality that helps you understand them?
Bernice i know someone who give different people animal names...
cwt I know I do .... having done many personality types of assessments my favorite is always the sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholy
Laurie Yes. There are certainly many different types of personalities. e.g. strong-willed, passive, agrressive, dependent, etc.
Laurie Wow, those are different types.
cwt Somehow when you understand who people are .. it helps understand why they do certain things.
cwt Those same types are related as the animals Bernice is referring to.
Bernice I like using Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, Beaver. They essentially fit the others
cwt Lion for example - is your type A ... assertive get things done (choleric) personality
Laurie What are the Lion, Otter, G. Ret, Beaver defined as?
Bernice Yep. The otter is your silly happy go lucky sanquine.
cwt They can be seen as unsympathetic because the task can become so very important
Bernice The Lion is your Cholaric....sorry spelling...!!
Bernice and the Beaver is your perfectionistic, get everything done right or don't do it....
cwt Golden Retriever is a loyal commited ... don't like conflict (phlegmatic)
Bernice And the Golden Retriever is your sympathetic warm loving, don't hurt me friend...
Laurie I could be a little bit of a Lion and a Beaver.
cwt That is me too however I am a TON of lion ... and little beaver ... and a little otter
cwt what about you Bernice
Bernice Do you find that helps you understand who you are...and how to deal with others?
Bernice I'm lion too... ROAR!!
cwt For me it sure does
Bernice husband is beaver....otter...what a difference!
Laurie Yes. I think people do see the "Lion" as not having a lot of sympathy.
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cwt Unfortunately ... I can get like that too
cwt Hi smiley
cwt Your name is encouraging!
smiley hi
Bernice hi Smiley! I like that....!
smiley how is everyone
cwt We are just discussing personality types
smiley great
Bernice Does your name suit your personality?
smiley yeah i would like to thing it does
cwt Do you find it natural for you to categorize people a little by their personality types?
smiley yes
Bernice me too. But I find it helps me get along with them too.
Laurie yes. I tend to analyze people and situations.
cwt Is there a personality assessment that you find easier to relate to than others.
cwt That is part of the perfectionist
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cwt Hi car
smiley for sure.. it helps me adjust to the person ..so to speak
cwt Welcome
cwt Smiley & car .... is this your first time here?
smiley yes
Bernice I found Gary Smalley's one of the easiest to do...he uses the animals. But A larger test by Birkman is excellent
car hi
cwt How did you find us?
Bernice Hi Car
car no
smiley my youth pastor just gave me the site
Bernice That's neat!
cwt Before we get into the topic further ... where are you from?
cwt I'm from Alberta
car i've been on at night
Bernice I'm from B.C.
smiley nova scotia
car first time in the afternoon
cwt Does this time work better for you all?
Laurie Alberta
car yes
Bernice Cool!
Laurie Most times, yes.
smiley not for me..i am a substitue teacher and i am usually working
cwt Day off today/
smiley yeah and loving it
cwt Please come in the evenings when you can
smiley suer
smiley sure
cwt Back to topic ....
smiley smile
cwt Opposites attract and repel at the same time. How can we work with that in our relationships?
Bernice I think we have to understand ourselves in order to get along with others better
cwt Isn't it interesting how a structured personality likes the carefree spirit?
smiley we can use it to our advantage...esp. with our husbands
car gently
cwt But .... when around it too long can become irritated?
cwt or many other differences
Laurie I guess because sometimes we admire traits in others that we don't possess.
cwt What are some that are particularly repelling
Bernice But how much is the irritation caused by our own lack of understanding their personality?
cwt Messy/Tidy?
smiley unorganised
cwt Lots Bernice.
cwt Happy/Intense
Laurie I find messiness a repellent.
Bernice like if I wake up my laid back husband at 6 A.M. with a chipper Loud good morning
cwt I could imagine
cwt Opposites don't seem to be bothersome in the short term do they?
Bernice Is there a way to work with the differences....like a compromise?
cwt I think that is the only way.
smiley no... but its the constant that really annoys me
cwt Isn't that the truth?
cwt How do different personality types affect our relationships?
Bernice I once heard the story of a guy who was upset at his wife constantly leaving door hangers on the back of the door
smiley i think we need to see beyond the differences sometimes and accept people for who they are...esp.co-workers
Bernice ....they jangled his nerves.
cwt For example... how does one relate to a strong-willed personality?
Bernice Then he was reminded about "Love is the greatest" In I Cor 13....no love like jangling hangers...
car that's a tough one
cwt I think it is interesting ... that people are often bothered by assertion in a strong-willed child, but love it in the market-place.
Laurie We have a relative who is extremely strong-willed (More so than myself) and he will argue about anything.
Bernice What do you mean CWT
cwt I find praying that these things don't bother me can be helpful
smiley ain't that a lot of fun at the family gatherings
Laurie Sometimes we pretend to agree because then he can't really say anything else.
car
cwt That same tenacity that can be irritating from a child .... is a great strength in the corporate world by an adult.
Bernice discussing getting along with irritating people...
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cwt Hi Happy2BHere
cwt We are discussing how to get along with irritable people
Happy2BHere Hi. I'm just visiting - Is that okay?
cwt How are you affected by different personality types
cwt
.
smiley thanks
cwt
smiley sure
cwt How can we best accept the different character traits in others
smiley wasn't to sure about that one
Bernice We have to be careful to try to understand
smiley learn to get a long
car shouldn't we focus on their strengths
Laurie I find my son is strong-willed. I don't mind him wanting to know what is behind something before he does it.
Bernice Sometimes if we remember our differences it helps
pussman3370114 bernice are you there baby
Laurie My husband thinks it is disobedience.
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Bernice yes. Good point laurie
Laurie I can be a lot like that too. I want to know what is behind it before I do it.
Bernice Does it help if you understand their personality?
Laurie Yes.
smiley yes because we can relate better
Bernice how so?
Bernice Are you opposites?
Laurie My husband is a different personality than my son so it can cause conflict.
smiley we can havae a bigger infuence the more we understand them
Bernice Do you find that it is opposites that cause problems or your kids that are the same as you?
cwt What are some ways we can guide those conflicting relationships around us?
cwt I think helping each of them understand who they are .... and why they do what they do
smiley if it is an husband thing..then i think communication is great
Laurie I find the opposite bothers me more. My daughter is quite messy and really laid back about things and it can get annoying.
Laurie I think I admire my son's strong-willed personality more. He gets things done and always does his best.
cwt It's easy to be less tolerant of those we live with isn't it?
Bernice I find two lions in the family are nuts...!
Laurie I agree.
cwt It's finding the positives in the differences and highlighting them
smiley lets remember to understand our kids.. to see it from therir perspective
Bernice But that is where the rubber meets the road is it not?
cwt We can encourage development of the positive aspect
Laurie That is true. With a laid back personality someone has much less stress.
cwt Do you all have children? Or are some of you single? married?
Bernice I'm married. Three kids
cwt Irritable people in our lives can be the work place
smiley married with a 4 yr old girl
car married two adult sons
Bernice Workplace conflict is never fun.
cwt How about you Happy?
cwt When we experience workplace conflict ... it is so easy to take it out on those at home, isn't it?
cwt It can be so unfair
smiley for sure
Bernice Is there a proper way to resolve work place personality conflict or do you just ignore it?
cwt I think it is critical to resolve it.
smiley ouor attitude seems to change as soonas we enter our home
cwt However, it doesn't always work to do that
smiley where do you all work??
Laurie I know a person who ignores it and she does end up taking it out on her family.
cwt We need to give it a fair attempt
Bernice Oh.. that is hard...
Bernice Stress at work can translate to problems at home.
smiley stress needs to stay at workk..
smiley time is to short
Laurie I think so. You can really see that happening in this persons life.
smiley our families are what matters
Bernice do you think work personality testing is a good idea?
cwt How about if your mate is experiencing stress at work ... what are some ways to help him cope?
smiley not be breathing down his neck when he comes home ...
car be positive and not add fuel to the fire
smiley haave a warm environment waiting at home
cwt Great Point!
Laurie We could try and make the home more tranquil. Not bother him with problems as soon as he arrives home.
smiley a husband also needs times of refreshing
cwt That takes a real conscious effort, doesn't it?
car let him have his dinner and a rest
Bernice good point all.
smiley they need they relaxing time
Bernice What about when we are stressed?
smiley then i daw ditto
cwt I find men are much more insecure than they ever could let on ... so when they feel attacked, they really feel insecure.
Bernice Like stay at home mom's can have a hard day too...
car we should tell them
smiley for sure
cwt Encouragement usually breeds encouragement!!
smiley its a two way relationship
Bernice important to let them know that we love them no matter what...and that is more importatn...
cwt There are some people in life you will "click with and others that you clack with"
Bernice LOL! I like that!
smiley i think pray is a great tool for things to work together
cwt There will always be irritable people in our lives.
cwt We need to pray for them .... possibly do something encouraging for them.
Bernice Sometimes it is ok to avoid those who irritate us isn't it?
car we have to try not to react to everybody's mood
cwt I was just about to say that.
Bernice accept that we don't get along? Do we force getting along...
smiley but we need wisdom and understaning
smiley they may be the ones who are crying out for help and encouragment
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cwt I think we do the best we can ... and then if we are just so very different .... time together does not have to me continual
cwt Of course Smiley
Laurie Good point.
car true
cwt But .... we do need to remember that we can't be all things to all people all the time.
Bernice That is true to see where their heart is at..
smiley we need to be sensitive and thats where God comes in to play
Bernice Maybe it is just wise to say "we don't get along too well..."
smiley i think that is acceptable
car we should try to have a sweet, gentle, spirit
Bernice But if that is your mate....?!!
cwt That makes the dynamics quite different.
cwt I find relating to them in their world helps
Bernice Huge...!
smiley be interested in their day
Bernice It becomes a choice to give them their space and understanding....
cwt For example ..... "can I share how I feel...when you leave the kitchen in a mess, I feel like you must feel when the kids go onto your desk and pull things apart."
Bernice Doesn't acceptance of the differences really come into play with our mates?
cwt Then they connect with the feeling you have .... and it doesn't feel like an attack.
Bernice good point cwt.
Bernice those feelings aren't easy to share tho....
cwt It's not always the differences that are the problem ... but how we communicate that.
Laurie Sometimes if we wait until we are angry when we bring up issues it really doesn't go over well.
cwt Isn't that the truth?
Bernice wow! good point...!
smiley that is for sure..we need a calm down time
Bernice sometimes they do too....!
car yes we should model it before we can expect it from someone else
smiley i find its better to walk away and think things through
Bernice Do you have a speical way to give calm down time?
car read God's word in a quiet room
Laurie If we are impulsive then we usually end up saying the wrong things.
Laurie This is maybe where Spiritual Breathing would work.
smiley which leads to more
Bernice I usually say "I'm upset right now, and I may say things I can't take back. Please give me a few minutes...hours..."
smiley days ha
cwt That is a good point Bernice ... but we also need to balance the opportunity to stew over the situation.
Bernice Right Laurie. Give the Spirit time to work on bothof us!!
cwt How does the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives apply to the difficulty we may have in working/living with a difficult personality?
Bernice big difference between stewing over it and trying to get a chance for self control...
smiley we try to get things resolved before we hit the pillow
smiley i need to know that things are ok
Bernice here too. sometimes makes for long nights...grin
smiley i hate those haha
cwt I know .... but when we are really angry, that line between stewing and self-control can be thin.
Bernice I think we have to ask for help from the H.S. along
Bernice alot...
smiley stewing sometimes takes over self-control
cwt Are you all familiar with how the Holy Spirit could intervene?
smiley yes
Bernice that can lead to bitterness eh?
Laurie This has been great, but I must go to an appointment. God Bless!
smiley bye
Bernice Take care Laurie
cwt Laurie ... thanks again .. you are so insightful
smiley nice to chat with you
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Bernice cwt. What was that question again?
cwt If we confess our wrongdoings and ask the Holy Spirit to take over ....
cwt He is waiting and willing to change our hearts
smiley the HS gives me a gentle peace
cwt He can give us a peace
Bernice yes. The H.S. can heal hurts on both sides....and help the communication
car yes we must yield to Him
Bernice sometimes it is mostly my heart that needs the changing
cwt He can change our perspective ... and even help us see the other person's point of view
cwt When the hostility leaves ... we approach the situation so differently
Bernice He can show us where we were wrong in an attitude too.
smiley thats how i cope with differences at work
cwt In and of ourselves that can be very difficult
smiley i lean on the HS
cwt The Holy Spirit wants to do that ... but our part is to let Him
Bernice Good for you smiley...
smiley thanks
smiley i try to imagine my life without the Hs..
Bernice sometimes he has to help us let go of our own pride & hurt...
cwt So ... if we ask the Holy Spirit to guide: What would be some helpful ways to deal with difficult people
smiley I wonder how others do it
Bernice Prayer becomes pretty important...
cwt Sometimes these situations really don't go away
smiley I think our approach would be gentlie
car we have to watch out what we say
Bernice Maybe ask God for a special way to communicate with that person...
cwt I went through a time recently where I wondered .... can a difficult person's wrong-doings interfere with God's plan for my life.
Bernice Gary Smalley has a book on that...."Languages of Love...." Word pictures
car avoid certain subjects that we know cause differences
Bernice No. I don't think so cwt.
cwt After working through it .... I came to realize that they cannot ...
cwt But every once in awhile, that what we believe in our head has to work it's way into our heart.
Bernice God wouldn't be in control at all times then. But that doesn't make it easy to go through...
smiley I think that if we a re focused on God and His plan gor us then nothing or no one canalter that
cwt So .... when Joseph's brothers did wrong to him .... God stayed in control and worked out an incredible plan.
Bernice Sometiems we can learn very powerful lessons about God or ourselves when we have difficult people in our lives...
smiley yes
cwt I'm sure Joseph wondered where God was in that too.
Bernice Could it be that God sometimes sends us difficult people to test us?
smiley maybe they are testthat God is putting us throught to help learn self control..
cwt I'm not sure if it is Satan or God that is testing .... but I do know God will use it to refine if we allow Him to.
smiley great point
Bernice refine through difficult people....yikes...! Certainly change us yes...?
cwt As my husband said of a hard time..... I'm going through this anyway ... so I really want to make the most of it and learn all God wants me to.
Bernice sometimes it take a lot of time before you can see the lesson - because it can be clouded through the pain...
cwt That can be a very tough process to come to that point of open teachability
cwt We need to accept that God is ultimately in control .... despite being able to see the plan.
Bernice yes
car there could be denial and we don't want to face it
smiley FAITH!!!!
Bernice The picture is bigger than we think!
Bernice good point car.
smiley REMEMBER that the pic. is inHis hands
cwt Like doubting Thomas .... he needed to see the marks in Jesus's hands .... but the others were willing to believe without seeing.
cwt That is so true smiley
cwt What is our responsibility before God when we have someone "difficult" in our lives?
Bernice I bet there were some disciples that were difficult people...like Peter maybe...
smiley He will never leave us nor forsake us (amazing)
Bernice Try to get perspective on it....the big picture...
cwt I love Peter .... he affirms that God loves us completely for all of our humanity!
car focus on their strengths and remember we have our weaknesses too
cwt One thing that is easy to forget is that God loves those difficult people just as much as He loves us.
Bernice That is true car. We have to remember that God's grace is for all of us...we all have our difficulties...
cwt Sometimes our human nature wants to think we are just a little more special.
smiley Now i have to leave my child needs me...its been great to chat with you....i will get online again
Bernice ok. Smiley. Take good care....
cwt Smiley ... thanks for coming .... great to have you - please come again
smiley for sure!!!!!
car bye
Bernice keep smiling!
cwt We are on Thursday evening
cwt 10 pm easter
cwt eastern
cwt How to Be a Great Friend is the topic.
Bernice that will be a good one...
cwt I love when God does miracles and those difficult people can become great friends
Bernice sometimes a person turns out to be quite different than we first thought...
Bernice Have you experienced that?
cwt Often married couples tell that story
Bernice I think marriage sometimes involves really exploring the differences and relishing in them - rather than hating them...
cwt I thought my husband would have made a great brother-in-law for me .. and tried to connect him with one of my sisters.
Bernice ha, ha!!
cwt Never dawned on me that we might make a great team.
cwt We were so different.
cwt still are ... but a great team
car one can be strong where the other is weak
cwt Looking beyond what we think we see .... can open our eyes to a lot
Bernice I think that is an important thing to remember. Teams are better where there is different strenghts and weaknesses
Bernice Someone once said a family is like a car...
cwt It's accepting those weaknesses
cwt ok?
Bernice every part has a different function, and without that it wouldn't be a car...
cwt neat analogy
Bernice Sorry, Car...
car like the church
Bernice you mean like gifts and stuff?
cwt that is so true .... the church needs so many different members
cwt who are all unique to make the body whole
car yeah we're all members of one body
car with different functions
Bernice boy, that concept can work for marriage & family too can't it...!
cwt it sure can!
cwt I have a question .... do you find your friends are similar to you/
cwt ?
Bernice just got to remember that God made them the way they are....inspite of the vast differences...
cwt While my life is surrounded with people who are so different than me .... my closest friends are so similar
Bernice I have some similar and some different....
cwt I find that interesting
Bernice I think sometiems it depends on where you are at in life too...
cwt That must make a difference too
car my friends are all different with one thing in common Christ
Bernice What can you learn from someone similiar to you?
cwt Well, our hour has come to an end and we will need to close up ... you are free to keep chatting if you wish. I will close our time in prayer.
Bernice ok
cwt Before I do that .... similarities can be good because it can affirm our strengths
Bernice thanks...
cwt also ... we can see our weaknesses better
Bernice like looking in a mirror...
car thank you all
cwt Lord thanks for this time together ... help us to go forward this day and make an effort to get along with the difficult people in our lives and to minister to them with the power of the Holy Spirit.
cwt Thanks for these ladies ....Amen
