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Subject: Have We Lost The Art of Hospitality?
Date: January 15, 2001
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January 15 & 18
Have We Lost The Art Of Hospitality?
Inviting guests for dinner can put enormous pressure on us. In a world where the laws of entertaining seem to be dictated by Martha Stewart, we feel inadequate. Please join us for this discussion where we can learn how to overcome our fears and invite company over.
1. What are barriers to hospitality? What are some ways to overcome these?
2. If hospitality is a sense of our presence many of the above mentioned barriers become irrelevant. Discuss how our sense of presence can have an attitude of hospitality.
3. Discuss the differences between a drop-in or a spontaneously invited guest to the planned invited guest. How do you prepare for either type of guest? Does this create pressure for you?
4. When you have been going through a period of solitude, (due to busyness, illness, etc.) how do you shift modes and begin to have guests once again?
Is the transition often difficult to make?
"Lord thanks so much for this time together. Help us to encourage and challenge each other as we focus on you and your direction in our lives as we entertain those you put in our path. Amen"
cwt Do you feel that you exercise the gift of hospitality enough?
Shey no
car No
Laurie no
cwt Or is it something you often feel guilty about?
car I feel guilty about it
Shey all the time
cwt Why do you think we don't entertain very much in our culture?
Laurie Yes, I often feel I don't do enough.
car it seems eating out with friends is much easier and more relaxing
cwt I know for me ... it is usually because I make it so hard on myself and so much work .... and because I don't schedule it.
car same here
cwt That is a great point car..... it is so easy to "grab a burger" and so inexpensive.
car but the fellowship is not the same in a restaurant
Shey for it me my husband is not home very much and so I don't know how to schedule it
Laurie I am a perfect before I entertain.
Laurie I want things perfect before I entertain.
cwt car ... especially with small children .... it can be stressful.
cwt I know Laurie ... I am the same.....
cwt I have at times precluded that I am going to do it simply and let the people know ahead of time that I would like to have them come over so we can order pizza.
cwt or .... something else that is simple.
car why can't we keep things simple, maybe we think people expect a lot
car I don't seem to have the energy then I get tired and feel what was that all for
cwt I think because we entertain so rarely .... we know we are only entertaining certain people once a year or so ... and so we then want to do it right.
Shey or maybe it is that we don't do it often enough and feel that we have to go all out when we do
car true
cwt Sometimes after I have fed my family a few too many hasty not so delightful meals I invite company so that I will make a nice meal ... and then I put the pressure on myself.
cwt .... and sometimes even my entire family.
cwt What are some ways to overcome these barriers?
car to keep it simple maybe
cwt I think one way is to choose a time ... for example on Sunday after church ... and invite someone over for "deli-buns and meat"
Shey we need to just do it and remember that they are just people too
cwt If the energy is spent getting the house tidy the night before ... one can even send the husbands to the grocery store.
cwt Then .... it doesn't have to feel like it needs to be all prepared in advance.
cwt Another thing is interesting ... the more we do something .... the easier it is to do.
Shey that is so true
car yes that's true and when we stop it's hard to get going again
cwt Two weekends ago I went crazy .... I invited company over for the entire weekend ... different people each meal ... I did some major planning and went crazy.
............................ spud joined.............
cwt Then after the weekend was over I was left with a clean house and a whack of names crossed off my "people to invite over list"
cwt Hi spud
car WOW I stay clear away from that you're brave
Shey Hi spud
spud Hi!
cwt It wasn't really brave .... the house only needed minor tidying up between each party ....
cwt the kids had a blast ... and whether you cook one meal or three at one time ... it is almost the same work.
Laurie We did Christmas dinner this year. I was dreading it, but it did go very well. Sometimes it is just the thought of doing something, but once we get doing it things usually go well.
cwt It would have been funny to make something like 3 or 4 lasanges and serve the same meal each time. (= but I bet you the kids would have snitched.
cwt Laurie ... I agree I think the thought of doing it is way more difficult than once we have decided to do it and get into it.
cwt Have you ever met someone who seems to just BE hospitable?
Laurie yes.
Shey yes
cwt What is it that makes that person feel as though their very presence is hospitable?
car yes I have a good friend who is gifted in hospitality
cwt Someone like that can serve only coffee and just make you feel welcomed.
Laurie They really are just themselves and don't put on any airs.
cwt I think one of the reasons is that they care about you .... not about what and how they serve.
spud They don't put any pressure on you, you can relax and enjoy your self
spud This is true
cwt How can we develop that sense of hospitality? Even if it isn't our giftedness?
car she serves what she happens to have and is comfortable with that which makes me comfortable
Shey they seem to have a serving additude
cwt Have you ever had someone drop in and you felt like or did apologize the entire time?
Shey I have
spud It comes down to having a good attitude and choosing to serve those around you!
car my friend certainly does, she does everything for Christ
Laurie Yes. I dislike things that are not planned in advance.
cwt I think when we set a standard for ourselves .... and someone catches off off-guard we can feel intimidated.
Laurie How true.
cwt On the other hand sometimes that makes me feel good when I know a friend has caught me in house-cleaning attire ... and knows that I am "real" and not just an image
Shey It makes me feel out of control and I wonder if they think I am too
cwt On the flip side ... I have nearly struggled with pride when someone came by unexpectedly and it looked like I have things amazingly together (=
cwt (I was just fortunate)
cwt When you talk about it like this ... it almost sounds silly.
............................ LadyZion joined.............
cwt Hi LadyZion ... we are discussing hospitality.
cwt Let's discuss the difference between a drop-in guest or a spontaneously-invited guest.
cwt How do we prepare for either type of guest?
cwt First of all the difference is we can plan to spontaneously invite someone.
cwt If we go to church on Sunday .... we can intend to spontaneously invite someone over.
cwt That can be lots of fun ..... and it is a huge surprise to the people you invite over.
LadyZion Type The art of hospitality is to love others and welcome them into your home as Christ would - it doesn't really matter when or with what but how you love people into your home.
car it's good to have things in the freezer
cwt Have any of you ever done this? If so, what kind of tips have you got?
cwt That is certainly true .... LadyZion .... we wer just discussing why we allow our fears and lack of planning to get in the way of that.
cwt Car .... that is so helpful.
cwt Briefly .... let's rattle off some ideas of quick and spontaneously planned types of meals that can work for this?
car at least cookies
cwt As a mom ... I always have those in my freezer!
LadyZion Casseroles?
cwt Those boys that come over love that.
spud Muffins
Laurie Cinnamon Buns
cwt I like to prefry my hamburger meat when I buy it and put it into freezer bags .... and then in only minutes I can have a meal together.
cwt Another thing I do when I make a signficant meal ... I like to make two ... and freeze one (don't always do that though)
............................ Paige joined.............
car how about a chicken pot pie
spud You can make a quike a meal it doesn't hve to be elaborate.
cwt Buns and deli meat and salads are great too for a quick meal.
cwt Hi Paige
LadyZion Keeping real coffe frozen in either been or ground form helps to keep it fresher for longer - at least then you can werve decent coffee to your gueats.
Paige Hello everyone
LadyZion I guess my spelling is a little funny - must be the touch typing?
spud Hi
cwt We are just brainstorming about types of meals we can have ready so we can overcome our personal barriers to hospitality. Any ideas?
LadyZion Pizza is great frozen
cwt I also think it is just fine to order in pizza (great thinking LadyZion)
LadyZion Also The meat part of Spaghetti Bolognese
spud Making a pasta dish is quick and easy!
Paige I always just order out if I have unexpected visitors
cwt If you spontaneously invite someone over .... guess what ..... they love to pitch in and help because they know you haven't had time to make a meal.
cwt What a bonus!!
Laurie We have also done that.
cwt I am a stickler though about a clean house and company ... so that is why I like to plan ahead for spontaneous company.
Paige th fun part is deciding what to eat!
LadyZion Nice call on the help thing -- people love to feel like they can help , especially when you are providing the atmosphere and the food!
cwt My husband used to think he had the gift of hospitality. Then one day I told him he had the gift of inviting people over and letting me feed them (=
Paige me too. I am not at all comfortable with inviting someone over to a dirty house
LadyZion ha ha (LOL)
cwt After that ... he began to plan ahead anytime he had the idea of company
Laurie I always insist the house is clean before anyone comes over.
LadyZion I had my wisom tooth removed today so I think I retreat to the television, it is about 4pm down here in New Zealand.
LadyZion bye.
cwt As these ideas are flowing ... do you think you feel less pressure preparing for a planned spontaneous guest ....or for a planned guest?
cwt Thanks for coming LadyZion.
cwt Great ideas
............................ LadyZion left.............
Paige more if I am not prepared
cwt Personally .... there are some people I like to invite as a planned guest ... and at those times I need the mental preparation to do all the work ..... but I love the fun of planning for a spontaneous guest!
cwt Another great thing is spontaneous picnics (in the summer of course)
cwt I love that .... when you get the bread & buns ... and your friends bring pop & chips and just like that hospitality is happening!!
car I do have to leave, thamks for the ideas good nightall
cwt Have a good night ... thanks for the input
cwt Do you agree that hospitality is the most difficult when you have not been doing it for awhile?
Laurie yes
............................ car left.............
spud Yes
cwt It can seem like a huge mountain.
spud There are times I think you need a little bit of a break
cwt So ... how do you shift modes and have guests once again?
spud I think you need to first begin by inviting people that you know well
cwt Great point!
Laurie I like to have family in.
cwt No need to impress then.
spud true
cwt Family love to have hospitality practiced on them.
cwt You know on the weekend I did a big theme night for my husband's 40th. I did a pot luck tacky party.
Laurie Yes, they really seem to enjoy visiting with us.
cwt I was shocked at how much people got into being tacky. I think they found it therapeutic to not have to make an impression.
Laurie wonderful idea
Shey that sounds like a lot of fun
cwt Garbage bags for table cloths, paper towels for napkins.
............................ Naomi joined.............
cwt Hi Naomi.
cwt Welcome we are discussing ways to exercise hospitality .... especially after we haven't entertained for awhile.
Naomi Type HEREHello
Naomi Is anyone here?
cwt You know following this tacky party .... people are telling me that they want to throw parties where people can dress up funny.
cwt Food being a potluck takes lots of pressure off.
cwt I know some people who always have a theme night with certain guests.
cwt They have done a hillbilly night .... all food had to be eaten without utensils.
cwt They have done a gourmet night.
cwt They have done country & western night.
cwt Then they dress up to suit whatever the theme is .... and it is only two couples.
cwt It just takes being creative and BRAVE
Naomi I've been sick for a long time, and I just started a Bible study in my home to have fellowship.
Shey that is a great idea
cwt That is too bad you have been sick a long time .... what a neat idea to have a Bible study to bring people in.
cwt You know I think God really cares that as believers we enjoy each other's company.
Naomi My husband and I can't get out so we felt that it would help us get in the swing of things.
cwt We can grow and be challenged as we spend time with others.
cwt Sometimes having fun with people enables them to feel safer to confide with us during their hard times ... anyone agree with that?
spud I got go I got a phone call I have to take! good bye!
cwt By spud
............................ spud left.............
Shey I would agree with you cwt
Naomi I made a pot of coffee last week and brownies. What can I do to make it extraordinary? Any ideas?
Laurie I agree
Naomi I agree too.
Naomi It relaxes us in general when we have fun.
cwt You know something as simple as coffee and brownies can come to life by decorating the table in a theme.
cwt There are so many fun things you can put on a table to make the simplest food exciting.
Naomi Great idea!
cwt I have a friend that hauls all kinds of things from all kinds of rooms to do up her table.
Naomi Could you suggest an easy one?
cwt Sometimes it is Mexican .... sometimes it is party .... or animals ......
Shey or maybe even having flavored coffee or cream
cwt What is your Bible study on?
cwt If you are doing a study on marriage .... you could put all kinds of neat wedding stuff on the table
cwt If it is parenting .... you could do a kid style decor .... with parenting books, feeding spoons, etc.
Naomi The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg
Naomi It's about increasing our spirituality.
cwt You could set up your table with all kinds of cool toys as to what people think makes us happy?
cwt Trucks, glamor photos of jewellry, etc. then above it put a ? with styrofoam
Naomi Getting closer to God, which I am already. Sometimes I feel like a toddler hanging onto His leg!
cwt Then .... your study can address whether all those things really bring happiness.
Naomi I am going to start that this week. What a wonderful idea.
cwt If you don't have trucks, ski-doo, motorcycle, etc. toys in your house, you could cut them out of magazines and paste them on carboard and do stand-ups on your table
Laurie Wow, I can't believe how creative you guys are!
cwt You could get everyone into it where they each bring a cut-out each week and then on your last day make a collage.
Naomi That is something that I can do which doesn't even cost alot!
cwt There is so much we can do without spending money.
Naomi And it involves everyone!
cwt Your table cloth could be black plastic with yellow lines like a highway.
............................ emogirl joined.............
cwt I think we just need to get creative and not put ourselves into a tight box.
cwt Hi emogirl.
Naomi I want people to feel at home, and make it a condusive atmosphere to learn and talk together.
cwt Welcome .... We are just sharing creative ideas about entertaining.
cwt You know when you do fun things like that .... the focus is no longer your house ... but the creative hospitality that you are sharing.
cwt The best kids party I ever went to was a Tonka party.
............................ emogirl left.............
cwt The big plastic toys were on the table and the digger had dip in it ... (in foil), the cement truck had smarties,
cwt the birthday cake was a dirt cake in the back of a dump truck ..... it was sooo coool ... and so inexpensive.
Naomi You are right. I think about the studies that I have been at in the past, and how I felt at home when the hostess was relaxed.
cwt If you set up a table about what we want for successful living .... people will really get into it.
cwt they will never forget your study either.
cwt If we are honest .... we realize how much houses, cars, toys and jewellry means to us ... and what a neat visual and non-condeming way of presenting it.
Naomi How do I do that?
cwt Do you have toys in your home?
cwt Make a house out of paper/cardboard if you don't have a toy one.
Naomi No, but I could borrow from a neighbor.
cwt Go to the dollar store and buy a little bike ... a little car, etc.
cwt Set that up on your table .... you could turn a box upside down and cover it with a table-cloth or napkin and set your display on that.
cwt Then ... put your brownies and coffee on that table.
cwt Anyway .... the point being ... if we just get out of our comfort zone ... we can have lots of rewards
Naomi The point being what we want, as opposed to what we really need for true happiness?
cwt We can enjoy people and minister to them as they come in our home.
Naomi Oh, now I understand.
cwt That is right ..... by placing these things on your table Naomi ... you are indicating "these are the things that get in our way as we get our priorities out of line"
cwt Ladies ... this has been a fun time together.
cwt I feel challenged to invite someone over .... (=
cwt At least to be creative next time I do.
cwt I want my home to be a safe place where people feel Christ's love
Shey thanks for all the great ideas
Naomi Our house was a disaster, because we were both so sick. Our church and Christian friends painted, cleaned, put down carpet, tile, handicap bars, and a new roof. Add to that all new furniture, and you wouldn't believe how it looks now!
cwt I would like to pray for you as we close
cwt That is great Naomi.
Naomi God ministered to us thru them. We are so grateful!
Shey that is so neat
cwt Lord thanks so much for this interesting and challenging discussion. I pray that you would go with each of these women. Give them an opportunity to show your hospitality. Help them to not be intimidated as they invite others into their homes. Thank you Lord. We love you. Amen.
cwt God bless you all!
