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Subject: Revitalizing Stale Relationships
Date: August 9, 2001
Related Article: Follow the Golden Rule by Claudia and David Arp
A relationship, which has gone stale, makes us wonder where the passion has gone. It is possible to revitalize these relationships and to bring life back into them. This is possible when you renew your perspective and we will discuss tools as to how you can do that during this session.
What causes relationships to become stale?
What are some signs that a relationship is deteriorating?
How does one rekindle the flame to deepen a relationship?
Challenging times occur in relationships, how does one best handle them?
What are some practical ways to maintain a vibrate relationship?
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cwt lets start in prayer
cwt Dear heavenly God and Father I pray that you would be with us tonight as we discuss relationships. That you would lead the discussion and encourage us.
cwt Amen
jw amen
Faith Amen
cwt our topic tonith is revitalizing stale relationships
cwt What causes relationships to become stale?
Faith Sometimes a lack of time spent together and effort.
jw misunderstandings can contribute
Faith That is true.
cwt miscomunications can play a big paart
Faith Sometimes husbands just see things differently than we do and don't even realize they did anything to offend.
jw true
cwt I think taking advantage of the relationship causes problems
Faith That is a good point.
cwt we just except the other person to be there for us but not being there for the other person
cwt that's expect ...
Faith So true.
jw A good relationship does require two to put forth an effort.
cwt yes
Faith Yes, it should be 100 percent on both sides. Not really 50-50.
cwt great point
cwt this day and age is so busy it hard to give that effort every day
Faith Very often, we do get busy and start leading parallel lives.
cwt we get busy and so focused on ourselves that we forget others needs
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jw Faith, are you speaking of marriage, or other relationships as well?
Faith I was thinking of marriage.
cwt Hi dburd we are just dicussing what cauces relationship to become stale
Faith Hi dburd!
dburd hello
jw hi dburd--are you new here?
dburd yes
Faith What I meant was, in marriage we could be living in the same house and leading totally separate lives.
cwt welcome we are always happy to see new people
dburd thanx
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Karing Hi there
Faith Hi Karing!
jw hi
cwt thats a good point. I can also see how it would be that way for parents and teenagers
cwt Hi karing
Faith Excellent point cwt.
dburd i have a question
cwt we are just discussing how relationships become stale
Karing ok
Karing What an interesting concept
dburd how do the relationships become stale?
Faith What was the question dburd?
dburd how do they become stale
Faith Sorry, you were ahead of me.
Karing It's easy to expect relationships to coast along without maintenance
dburd that's ok
Karing However, we still manage to have high expectations of the relationships in our life
Faith Very true. We take things for granted and don't put the effort in.
Karing Then people let us down and we can get frustrated.
Faith And people will always let us down.
dburd sometimes i get fustrated with my husband because he doesn't help me with our daughter. what are some things i can do not to feel this way?
Karing It was a startling revelation to me when I realized I am the only person responsible for my expectations of people
Faith Great point.
Karing Have the two of you come to terms with whether or not your expectations are suitable ... and has he agreed to them?
cwt That's a good point karing
Karing As women, it is easy to have expectations of our husbands that they don't assume as their responsibility ... and then we keep asking and suddenly we are "nagging"/
dburd well yeah but he still does his own thing when i'm with her
dburd exactly
cwt my husband and I often talk about each others expectations of each other
dburd i feel like i nag him to much
Faith That is good cwt.
Karing It is good to sit down and outline what you are expecting .... and ask him what is reasonable and if he is willing to agree to certain responsibilities.
Karing Many of our expectations are assumed.
cwt and miscomunication can cause all sorts of problems
Faith Sometimes we want our husbands to do certain things and when they don't do them as well as we think they should it causes problems.
Karing It is also good to ask .. "if you can't fulfill your responsibilities ... how would you like to be reminded - ie. a note, a comment)
dburd i know i thout when she was born that he would help but he feels that he works and i take care the kids and all.
cwt I like that
Karing Then you are playing on their turf
Faith Sometimes if my husband says he can't get something done, then I say when will you be able to do this. Then it seems to go over better.
Karing I also ask my husband "could you vacumn please? Would you be able to do this before 4 pm? If not, that is ok, then I will do it," That way I don't get frustrated when his schedule is very different.
Karing Usually he does it at 3:5-0
dburd i think we have a communication problem soemtimes.
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Karing 3:50]
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Karing sorry about the typing ...
Faith Well, that is nice that it does get done.
cwt how old is your daughter dburd
Karing It is so much better to be clear on what we expect
Karing We can do the same thing in our friendships with others.
dburd if you don't mind me asking all of you - how old are all of you? my daughter is 3months
cwt great point
Karing just a young one!
dburd yeah
cwt dburd I have 3 children. I remeber the adjustment that we all had to make in the family
Karing 35
Faith That can be overwhelming at that age. I can see why you would want your husband to help.
Faith 36
Karing you? dburd
dburd i am 21
cwt i'm 33
Faith Great, I am the ancient one here!
Karing hardly ancient!\
cwt lol faith
dburd i'm the young one!
Karing you sure are ...
cwt I can see how you feel overwelmed right now
dburd lol
Karing How about our marriages? What keeps them fresh and revitalized?
cwt communication
Karing Surprises
Karing Getting out of a rut
Faith I think we need to make time to do things as a couple.
cwt My husband and I go out on dates so we can talk
dburd i feel i can't talk to my husband sometimes
Karing why is that?
dburd because i don't know what he might say or if he might take it the wrong way
cwt I know what you mean
Karing Are you having marriage trouble?
cwt there are times and subjucts that I feel that way with my hsband
dburd we really need to work on our communication skills. we're not having troubles we're just not communicating the right ways.
Faith Sometimes with the birth of a new baby, especially a first baby, there are definitely changes. It can cause stress on the marriage.
dburd believe me i know!
cwt but I find taking the issue to God in prayer helps me to be able to talk to him without miscommunication
Faith Very often, it is the husbands who feel very left out when the mother has to devote so much time to the baby.
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dburd i get so frustrated with her and him sometimes. then i go spend some time by myself and then i feel better about things.
Faith Hi Carol!
cwt first baby is the hardest on a relationship
Carol hi
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cwt welcome carol
Karing Hi
Faith Hi sunshinny!
cwt welcome sunshiny
Carol thank you
sunshinny Type HEREhello there
sunshinny you can tell I haven't done this before -
cwt we are just discussing how to keep our relationships vibrate
Karing welcome
cwt What are some signs that a relationship might be deteriorating? and what can we do about it?
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sunshinny are we talking about relationship with God - or individuals
dburd it could be with God too
cwt we can talk about both
Faith Well, we could find ourselves quarreling more often or even just being non-communicative with one another.
cwt good point
sunshinny well with individuals - i would think "coolness" indifference would certainly be tell tale signs
Faith Good point.
cwt just not feeling comfortable with that person any more
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cwt hi 123
Faith Hi 123!
123 Hi
dburd my husband and i rededicated our lives to God two days ago. because we keep doing the same wrong things in our marrige. we both our trying to do God's will everyday and everything i just think we have a communication problem.
cwt I think that keeping God in a relationship is a good step in the right direction
123 That is exciting ...
123 Are you and your husband in a situation where you can go beyond your struggles?
dburd everyday we read our bibl and do studies together. before we were just doing it on our own but we realize we need God not ourselve
cwt that's great dburd
123 Sometimes bad habits are difficult to break and have a way of creeping back at us to discourage us.
cwt thats so true
dburd we just have to trust God everyday
Faith And with communication problems we do have to choose our words carefully.
123 "Lord I pray for dburd that you would help her and her husband to walk in step with you. That they would trust You and let go of the desires of the world and seek you."
123 dburd are you familiar with Spirit-filled living?
dburd thanx for praying for me
dburd yes i think so, but you can refresh me
123 This is when we exhale the impure and inhale the pure, when we sin by comitting a deliberate act of disobedience
123 We breathe spiritually to restore the fullness of God's Holy Spirit in your life.
123 To Exhale, you confess
sunshinny I would suggest - kindness - in speech and in thought
123 1 John 1:9
123 1. Acknowledge that your sins are wrong and grievious to God
cwt so we ask God to control our lives when we breath in spiritually
123 Acknowledtge you are already forgiven through Christ's death and the shedding of his blood for your sins
123 3. Repent
123 4. Make restitution if needed.
123 Then we Inhale
123 Surrender the control of your life to Christ and receive the fullness of the Holy Spirit by fiath. Trust that God now directs and empowers you.
123 Eph. 5:18
sunshinny Are these suggestions helping you
dburd yes
sunshinny that is wonderful
123 So quite simply,.... we exhale ... and then we inhale.
cwt thanks for bring that up 123
dburd i read 1 john 1:9 today actually
cwt that's so cool
123 Exhale is to confess ... inhale is to allow the Holy Spirit to take over.
dburd thank you
sunshinny 123 you have put it so well
123 This is something that can happen many times each day.
123 Sometimes my human nature takes over so often I feel I am hyperventilating!
dburd all we need to do is communicate righ
dburd i mean right
sunshinny isn't that the truth - we need to constantly be
123 The human nature is powerful.
cwt sometimes when I'm with my kids it can happen several times in 1 hour
Faith Isn't that the truth!
123 that is true
cwt so....How does one rekindle the flame to deepen a relationship?
123 Allowing the Holy Spirit to direct us can help rekindle flames in relationship
cwt right on
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123 God can give us love when we are feeling "bored" in relationships
sunshinny God bless you dburd as you and your husband seek to work out your relationship with God's help
cwt we can also ask God to help us to love
dburd encouraging one another and being there for them
sunshinny remember love is not a feeling it is an action
cwt so true
dburd that is so true
123 Doing kind and loving deeds can help us.
cwt and love is a choice
Faith Good points.
123 It's amazing how we start to feel loving when we act it.
dburd true
cwt that's so true if we act in love we end up loving that person
cwt feeling love for that person
Faith Yes, we can grow to love people.
sunshinny absolutely a choice - this may sound trite! But a lot of kindness - which only God can help us be - can make anybody respond.....it's being kind in difficult situations that is hard
cwt great point sunshinny
dburd even when you just want to scream and shout you have to remain calm
cwt I think paying attention to the other persons needs helps rekindle
123 Or ... "be angry and sin not".... it takes a lot of wisdom to do that.
Faith It is important not to react until we clearly understand what was meant.
dburd exactly
sunshinny I agree with all of the above.....the reactions show our true inner heart....
dburd well everyone i am going to leave you good people. i would love to talk to you all again next thursday. here is my email address if any of you would like to e-mail me: burd4life@hotmail.com
123 I hope you can come again. May God bless you, your husband and baby
sunshinny I need to call it a nite -- God bless all of you
cwt thanks for coming on dburd gald you found us
dburd please email me so i can have more great advice from you lovely ladys
cwt good night sunshinny
Faith Thank you for sharing with us dburd.
dburd i really need to have friends i can lean on to talk to
123 We want to be here for you.
dburd thanx
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dburd my name is Doris
123 Hi Doris
dburd hello
123 Where do you live? I'm in Alberta Canada
cwt I'm so glad you came on and shared with us Doris
Faith Alberta, Canada.
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dburd Shamokin Pennsylvania in USA
Faith Hi cakelady!
123 Love the small world of the internet
123 Hi
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cwt Hi cakelady we are just closing off our discussion
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dburd i'm glad i shared too
123 I need to run, but have a great evening
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cwt yes we need to close this session in prayer
dburd sure
cwt Dear Heavenly God and Father We thankyou for the encouraging time we had tonight.
dburd thank you God for all the wonderful people i met and for there salvation in you
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cwt we pray that you would encourage dburd and her husband Help them in their relationship
cwt Help each one of us to keep our relationship with you from going stale.
cwt We pray this in your name Amen
dburd amen goodnight all
dburd email me burd4life@hotmail.com
Faith Father, please help dburd and her husband with their marriage problems. Please help them with their communication problems and offer them encouragement. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Faith Thank you for the address dburd.
dburd your welcome
Faith This session has been encouraging. Thank you for the session cwt.
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cwt no thank you for your encouragine thoughts
jw May I ask a question?
cwt sure jw
Faith Sure
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Faith Hi cakelady. Were you bumped off?
jw Do you agree w/ the thought of kindness causing "anyone" to respond?
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cwt Hi cakelady we have just finished our discussion on stale relationships
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cakelady Yes, I was, sorry about that
cakelady How is everyone?
Faith I think everyone appreciates a kindness shown to them. I find anger responds to anger.
jw In general, I agree. Yet, the rich young ruler was presented w/ a choice, and walked away.
cwt I agree but I also think that some people do take advantage of kindness
Faith That is a good point cwt. There are people who tend to do that.
cwt The rich young ruler was given othe choice of giving up all his riches and follow God He decided that he could not give up his riches
Faith Oh, I see what you mean now.
jw To say, if I do xyz, then the other person will respond a certain way, seems a bit simplistic.
Faith Do you mean in the case of unbelievers?
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jw Not only that, but also in the case of someone out of fellowship with the Lord.
cwt no we are not guarenteed of the response we expect
Faith That is the truth!
cwt it is up to the other person how they are going to respond to you
jw just curious where you were coming from
cwt but we need to be true to How God would want you to act
Faith For example, my husband is not a believer. I can pray for the Holy Spirit to work in his life but he still has to soften his heart and refuses to make a decision for Christ.
cwt we need to please God with our actions not nessasarly other people
jw I agree. I guess the "soft side" comes easier for me than the "tough side" of love.
jw Sometimes it can be lack of love, though.
cwt lack of love on your part?
cwt or the other person?
jw What I mean is, to ignore continued disrespect/clear wrong can be lack of love in failing to deal with issues that can destroy a person.
cwt yes Itend to agree with you
jw Anyway, I hesitated to bring this up --concerned it may discourage anyone young in the faith.
cwt The bible does say that we sould go to the person sinning in love
Faith Well, I guess my husband just chooses to go on sinning. I just don't understand how he can keep going to church with me and still not say a prayer of commitment.
cwt sometimes it takes time for the person to really see their need
Faith He knows what he needs to do. He chooses not to do it.
jw He may be watching & listening more than you think.
cwt I agree with you jw
Faith Well, I think he is but now he has said I will probably end up leaving him for a Christian husband.
Faith I told him that is the dumbest thing he ever thought up.
Faith But maybe he is starting to feel a little threatened by all of this.
jw Maybe he wants reassurance of your commitment?
Faith Well, he has never been insecure before and he has not got a reason to doubt my commitment.
cwt you could show him in the Bible where it tell the christian wife of a non-christian man to stay in the marriage and pray for him and be a good witness to him
Faith Actually, I did mention that to him.
jw Are you committed to staying in the marriage as long as he is willing?
cwt what did he say
Faith Then he was silent about it.
Faith Yes, I am committed to the marriage.
Faith Even if he never becomes a Christian, I wouldn't leave him. He is a great husband otherwise.
cwt I've got to go now. It was great chatting with you Glad you came on tonight
Faith Good cwt. God Bless!
cwt God bless
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jw I'd better run, too-- I have work again in the morning. Good night.
Faith Thanks for chatting. Come on again!
