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by by Judy DouglassI have found something that I am an expert on - whining. It's such a great word. Just to say it sounds like whining. What qualifies me as an expert? First, I have three teenagers. I have found that children seem to whine naturally and mine have been good at it from their earliest days. By the time they get to be teenagers, they have really perfected it.
"Mommmm!"
"Make him quit listening in on my phone calls!"
"Mannn, that's not fair!"
"But I neeeed those hundred dollar Nikes!"
But the real reason I'm an expert on whining is not because my children are so good at it. It's because I'm so good at it. Since I'm a "weather wimp", my whining often centers on climate control: "It's sooo hot (or cold, or wet, or whatever)."
My other typical whines: "I really need a new dress…a new carpet…a new car…"
"Look at this mess!"
"Why can't I ever get to do what I want to do?"
"Why don't those kids quit whining?"
Why do we whine? Whining is a way for us to express our displeasure, our dismay, our disagreement, our disappointment, our dissatisfaction. We often whine about things we can do nothing about, which then leads to a habit of whining about things we could do something about.
And what does whining accomplish? Whining has many predictable consequences: It puts us in a negative frame of mind, it is depressing or discouraging to the people around us, it presents a negative model to our children and others we would want to influence, it solves no problems and it eats away at our trust in God.
Each of us will be faced many times with disagreeable circumstances. How we respond is our choice. We can whine or we can choose a more positive approach. I have found two attitudes that are especially helpful in transforming my tendency to whine into a positive response to negative circumstances.
The first attitude is gratitude. We know that the Word of God tells us that we are to give thanks in all things: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thess. 5:18). When things are going the way we like, that's not hard for us to do, though we don't always remember. But when things are not going the way we like, we find it much more difficult to say "Thank you" to God. When there is a major illness, financial setback, loss of a job, a difficult relationship or the death of a loved one, the words "Thank you, Lord" just don't seem to make it past our lips.
The apostle Paul has given us some wonderful things to be thankful for and to move us down the road towards true thankfulness in spite of our feelings: "But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Cor. 15:57). "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him" (2 Cor. 2:14). "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" (2 Cor. 9:15). When I don’t feel grateful, I can take a step back and acknowledge what I am thankful for – these great promises of victory and salvation. This tenderizes my heart and leads me towards true gratitude.
When we choose to say "Thank you" rather than whine, we are acknowledging who God is: He is the great, powerful, almighty, creator of the universe. He loves us with an everlasting, unconditional love. He is good and therefore all that He does is good. We are declaring that we trust Him. A grateful heart displaces a whining spirit.
The second attitude I have found useful in confronting my tendency to whine is contentment. Frequent whining is a sure sign that I am not living in contentment. The apostle Paul lists for us many reasons that he had not to be content: he was scorned and mocked. He was stoned, shipwrecked and beaten. He suffered hunger, rejection and imprisonment (1 Cor. 9:4-13; 2 Cor. 11:23-27). But he found the secret of contentment.
Most of us continually live with a "greener grass" mind frame. We are convinced that something different, something new, and something more will be better. Richard Swanson, in his book Margin, pinpoints the fallacy of this thinking when he warns us that we need to realize that "the greener grass has been spray-painted by the evil one."
We whine about our present circumstance, certain that change will bring what we desire. Yet those desires are often just temptations sent from the evil one to seduce us from trusting God. The pastures that God has prepared for us are rich, lush and satisfying. "Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore that it is good" (J. I. Packer).
I love to tell my children when they start to whine that they should respond with a grateful heart and a spirit of contentment. But I find they are rarely willing to accept that from me. So the best thing that I can do is live that out myself - to learn to practice gratitude and contentment. It brings a lot more peace into my family and has a much better chance of causing them to trust God and respond with gratitude and contentment rather than whining. I had a great opportunity to practice recently.
Our anniversary trip began with a rainy drive from New York to Boston. Heavy clouds brought early darkness as we headed towards dinner at Mystic Seaport. Our rental car kept stalling and finally refused to restart. We coasted off the freeway to a deserted service station in a bleak neighborhood.
My natural tendency would be to complain: "Oh no! Now what? It's pouring rain. There's no place to call. How will we get help? When will we get help? There goes dinner. We'll be so late in Boston. This messes up everything." But I had been focusing on responding with gratitude and contentment. The first words out of my mouth (startling to me) were, "Thank You, Lord. I can't wait to see how You work this out."
We had quite an adventure before that evening was over. And God provided for our every need - including a new, much nicer rental car. But the best part was that I had not whined. Instead I had chosen to be grateful and content. The result was a peaceful heart and an expectation of God's faithful provision.
Judy Douglass has been on the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ since 1964 and currently assists her husband, Steve, in giving leadership to the movement. She is the founding editor of Worldwide Challenge magazine and the author of three books, Single and Complete, He Loves Me and What Can a Mother Do?
