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by Rhonda Rhea
Do kids have a book of quotes? Do they sit around and study it, memorizing useful lines such as “You’re not the boss of me,” and “Make him stop looking at me!” Are there chapters in their instruction book on how to spill a drink at every meal, burp the alphabet and consistently not flush?
Do they go to kiddie law school to study the fine-tuned legalities of “calling it”? You know how technical a calling can be. I think one of the law entries might read: “When the front seat of the family vehicle has been “called,” said person, hereinafter referred to as the “caller,” has subsequent claim to said front seat for and up to, but not exceeding, the designated trip. Said caller does not relinquish his call in the occurrence of a bathroom need and/or other reasonable needs for a trip back inside the house before designated car trip occurs. Should the caller, however, leave said called front seat position for a felt Frisbee need and/or other related frivolous activities, caller may forfeit the front seat and the call may be thereafter negated. However, an official and irreversible “call” of the front seat shall forthwith remain intact until such time as the caller does in fact ride in the front seat while vehicle is moving. Designated trip shall not exceed one day’s drive and shall be at least to the end of the block. Said call is null and void, however, at restroom stops when on vacation.”
And we won’t even talk about the entire chapter of the kid law book that would have to be devoted to determining ownership of the prize in the cereal box!
Last year I had to explain a deep concept to my five-year-old. We were having “a moment.” I looked down into his eyes, all wide with wonder. "Do you understand?" I asked. He answered, "Mmmm hmmm." I continued, "Did you have any questions?" His response: "Yeah, I just burped through my nose. Could you hear it?" I think he got that response from the kid book.
Of course, parents seem to have a book, too. In it, we would have to find such parental staples as: “Do you think money grows on trees?” “Don’t make me get out of this chair,” and of course, the timeless classic, “Because I said so.”
Isn’t it surprising that in all reality, we learned all those things without any helps from books? There’s no kid law book. There is no 12-step plan for parents (as far as I know) on how to nag and harangue your kids.
There is an instruction book, however, that’s really all we need. God’s Word can shape us into the parents we need to be. It can build great kids. It’s the ultimate instruction book. Jesus said in John 8:31, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.” If you want to be a great haranguer, keep hunting for the right how-to book. If you want to be a disciple of Jesus, check out--and abide in--His Word. And make Him the boss of you!
Rhonda Rhea writes award-winning inspirational humor columns for other Christian publications in the U.S. and Canada. Look for her new book, Amusing Grace, at your local Christian bookstore. Click here to see her website.
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