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by Yahooskin FowlerI was born July 5, 1954. I am an American Indian woman from the Northern Paiute Tribe near Benton, California in the United States (also known as Hot Springs Band). Hot Springs Band lies in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, 55 miles north of Bishop, California and 55 miles east of great Yosemite National Forest. I am blessed to come from such a beautiful place.
Knowing who I am, many people are surprised to learn that I do not have a life history filled with drugs, alcohol, or prison as many Native people in North America do. I decided as a young girl that I would not allow these things to control my life.
In the summer of 1960, I was six-years-old and living in Fresno, California. My dad was in the US Air Force and my folks were having marriage problems. Mama wanted Dad to stop drinking and stop dating other ladies. The arguing grew each day. One morning, Mama woke my brother and I up with a big smile: "Get up, get dressed. We're going to Grandma and Grandpa's house." My brother and I were very excited, but as I stood next to Mama in the kitchen my eyes took one last look into the living room. What had been my home now seemed so lonely and looked so lifeless.
Soon we were seated on a Greyhound bus, rolling down the highway. I said to Mama, "Will I ever see Dad again?" Mama replied, "One day."
We arrived at the Bishop, California bus station, and Grandma was waiting. As we traveled the hot, dusty 55 miles to the ranch, Grandma kept saying, "Watch for your Grandpa. He'll be gathering the cattle." When I finally spotted him, I stuck my head out the window and hollered, "There's Grandpa!" He was riding a big grey horse named Chico–the best cow horse on the vast Pedro Ranch.
With my grandpa I always felt secure and loved. I rode horses and played in the water hole. Grandpa would sit and have tea parties with me. I could run barefoot and eat all the watermelon I wanted. I went to summer cow camp in the mountains and slept under the stars. These are my good memories. Yet as I grew and time passed, I began to worry about my mom.
She divorced Dad and over the next eleven years, we would encounter some very hard times–broken dreams and promises, stressful hurting times due to Mama's alcoholism and bad choices in relationships with men. I kept telling myself to hang on and hoped that things would get better. Grandpa would listen to my worries and he'd tell me to pray–to get on my horse and ride over the hills and talk to God. There were many times that I would cry out to God, but in our dysfunctional family it was difficult to stay committed to going to church.
By the time I was seventeen, Mama had sobered up. She gave me my Dad's address and gave me permission to contact him. Still, there was a lot of healing to do.
I decided never to do the things that my parents had done. My husband, Howdy, on the other hand, was a wild-mannered rodeo cowboy, who willingly embraced the night entertainment life and all that it offered.
Among some Indian people, we would hear statements like, "Jesus is a White man's religion." I believed this myself. Can you imagine my confusion when, after a time that Howdy almost died, he embraced this White man's God? I was sure that his decision was some sort of joke. I could not figure out what Howdy was scheming this time.
One night, Howdy was reading his Bible and told me that God spoke to him about his future. He eagerly and enthusiastically read the verses to me and I realized that he really believed the Bible. Pointing my finger in his face, I told him to wake up and quit being stupid. Howdy then explained to me that he had finally found something in life that was real, and he would follow Jesus with or without me.
After Howdy had given control of his life to Jesus, he quit drinking alcohol and staying out all night long. I was really glad to see these changes, but I was still very unsure about how long things would be this way. While I was working one day, a woman I knew approached me and asked, "How long do you think it will be before Howdy is back in the bars drinking?" At that moment, Howdy came to drive me home from work. As he walked toward us, I saw a light all around him. I knew then that the change in him was genuine and would last. I looked at the woman standing next to me and said, "Never!".
Soon after that, I found myself wanting what my husband had found. I also gave control of my life to Jesus Christ. I was able to forgive both of my parents. My life changed completely, and I experienced peace.
What about you? Are you trying to find security and happiness? Do you feel let down by the people you love? If so, you can find fulfilment and peace through a personal relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ.
Life can be a roller coaster – the demands and pressures that women face can be overwhelming. What is the answer? Where does peace come from?
You can have the peace that you are looking for; there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.
